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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I reply to email from ex?

50 replies

HowdidIgethere2022 · 06/08/2022 17:42

Just that really. My ex broke up with me in an email about six weeks ago. We’d been together over two years. He treated me horribly in the lead up to the break-up. It was as if he hated me even thought I hadn’t done anything wrong. We hadn’t fought or argued. After the break up I realised he’d been treating me really badly for a really long time. I just kept blaming myself for the issues. He just acted as though I wasn’t good enough for him. Was rude to me in front of his friends. Went on holidays with friends but not me. We’re both in our 30s. He’d stop speaking to me/give me the cold shoulder if I did anything he didn’t want me to do. Kept implying he might have to break up with me at some point in the future. But at the same time he wanted to spend nearly all his time with me to the point where it was difficult for me to plan things with anyone else. We saw his family and friends all the time but never mine. He told me he didn’t have doubts about us when we were together but when we were apart he thought we might not work out.

His break up email was all about him. Now he’s sent me another email also all about him and how difficult and complicated it’s been for him and how if I ever need anything I should contact him because he still cares for me a lot and will always care about me. He apologised for dumping me in an email because ‘we’ deserved better. I’m angry and want to tell him how self absorbed he is but I don’t know if this will just make me feel worse. Is it always best to ignore this kind of email from an ex?

OP posts:
lobsterkiller · 06/08/2022 17:47

What a twat. No I would not reply to him or I would leave it a few days and send LOL.

I'm so sorry he treated you bad, the email must have your head all over the place, he has treated you badly and I hope you're feeling better soon.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 06/08/2022 17:49

Who's this?
Then block.

MisgenderedPaul · 06/08/2022 17:51

He probably wants you to reply just to pander to his ego. It will make him feel good to have you reply. I say ignore it.

Daleksatemyshed · 06/08/2022 17:53

He's feeling guilty now so wants you to say it's ok. Don't

PeekAtYou · 06/08/2022 17:53

Block and don't reply. Otherwise he will keep on throwing you off balance with his self absorbed bullshit and delay your recovery.

LastWordsOfALiar · 06/08/2022 17:53

"Hey! No that's absolutely fine. With some distance I've realised we really weren't meant for each other. I think we'll both be much happier going our separate ways. All the best!"

Sunshineona · 06/08/2022 17:54

He just wants to know that he still has your attention on demand.

Ignore him.

iklboo · 06/08/2022 17:57

If he's anything like my ex he thought someone else was into him, acted like a twat hoping you'd end it but when you didn't he dumped you by email because he was too shitten to do it himself.

Then he comes onto the other person & gets knocked back, or they're not the amazing person he thought they were. So now he's trying to crawl back to you and make you feel sorry for him.

AlisonDonut · 06/08/2022 18:01

Gmail used to have an ability to bounce an email back. Best just mark it as spam and delete it and block his email address.

Twat. He isn't worth your energy.

GreenQueen80 · 06/08/2022 18:02

Another one who's been there OP. You need to summon all your courage and determination and never ever reply. Just block him on everything.

Trust me. In the future you will be SO glad you did this. ANY reply whatsoever is just ammunition for these narcissists to unpick and use against you.

TiredestOfAll · 06/08/2022 18:05

Your power here is your silence. Don’t reply, and delete.

WaveyHair · 06/08/2022 18:06

He knows he has been a prick & trying to make it look better for himself. Self absorbed people cannot see this flaw, it's just in their nature so if you tell him it will just be used against you.

Don't reply, it's what he wants. block the email address & move on.

firstmummy2019 · 06/08/2022 18:10

Ignore! Don't give him the satisfaction of a reply.

NWQM · 06/08/2022 18:10

Type the email and get it all out of your system. Save it in drafts. See if you remember in a week and what you want to be bothered to say then. Meanwhile enjoy not having to put up with his nonesense. I suspect / hope you forget all about it

OldFan · 06/08/2022 18:12

I wouldn't just not reply, it leaves you at risk of getting back involved with him if he catches you at a vulnerable moment- plus he's a twat who treated you like shit.

Block him on everything and keep him blocked.

Chattycatty · 06/08/2022 18:15

He wants a response...he showed his true feelings don't get sucked back into the drama. Do not respond

Eiapopeia · 06/08/2022 18:16

Completely ignore.

JennyForeigner · 06/08/2022 18:17

I once had a letter like this from an ex who had behaved horribly. He seemed to think he deserved credit for it.

I am really pleased that I told him it was self-serving, tedious nonsense, and my only regret was that I hadn't realised how he was in time to save myself the emotional pain.

Print it out, red pen it and sent the image back marked 4/10 must do better.

Chocolatesandroses · 06/08/2022 18:17

Ignore and block !! This will be much more effective then replying .. you don’t own him anything he treated you like shit ! You deserve much better than this

Hopeandlove · 06/08/2022 18:21

TiredestOfAll · 06/08/2022 18:05

Your power here is your silence. Don’t reply, and delete.

Don’t reply at all. There was a poster Running in the rain I think @runningintherain who my dumped by text - I was her champion for a long time - I hope you don’t reply at all

Hopeandlove · 06/08/2022 18:22

Sorry I meant who was dumped by text and didn’t respond when he went fishing a few weeks later. It’s abuse and he’s dangling the hook just don’t engage

tribpot · 06/08/2022 18:22

Agree with everyone else. He wants a reply for his own ego, nothing to do with you at all. Don't give him the satisfaction. Ignore and block.

You might want to separately write your 'anger letter' but do not send it - you will regret it and he will feel vindicated.

DramaAlpaca · 06/08/2022 18:23

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Nothing will annoy him more than getting no response.

SammyScrounge · 06/08/2022 18:27

Ignore him completely. He's not worth a minute of your time unless you want to be trashed on a daily basis.

ImpartialMongoose · 06/08/2022 18:29

Ignore, or you will get sucked back in

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