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Younger man/older woman, or older man/younger woman?
32

CushionPushion · 05/08/2022 21:34

What dynamic did you think is best?

OP's posts:
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TalkyWalky · 05/08/2022 21:47

My ex husband is with his girlfriend 18 years his junior. My close female family member is with a man 20 years older than her. The dynamic of both of these relationships is that the men are high earners and the women were in low income jobs before they were together. Would they look twice at these men if they were on 30k per year and all that is involved with looking after their children if there were no sugar daddy dynamics in play? No would be my educated guess.
I am seeing a man 2 years younger than me. I am a single parent in my early forties but in a good career good prospects and a home owner. He has a great social life, good opportunities in his future career and there are no power dynamics in play. We connect. We like and we fancy each other. No intention on ever living with him.
I guess it depends on the people involved and how level the playing field.

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easylisten · 05/08/2022 21:54

Younger man older women rarely works in the long term as women age quicker after the menopause. Also there is the issue of a man wants kids of his own which adds extra complexity.

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EndersGame · 05/08/2022 21:59

when I was 25, I met a lady who was 35 and had 2 children from a former relationship. She was on benefits and not working.

It's our 30th wedding anniversary in a few weeks' time.

If people fall in love, age isn't an issue.

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Summerhasbeenandgone · 05/08/2022 22:00

Exh was 15 years older.
New one is 10 years younger!! Much better ime!

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Namenic · 05/08/2022 22:14

Um - neither? I mean, different relationships are different. Providing the couple are on the same page about important things like life priorities, children, financial stuff, and have factored in women’s biological time limitations (if relevant), it shouldn’t matter right?

or are you talking about when the age gap is large? I suppose trying to avoid exploitative relationships and being aware to challenges at different ages would be good.

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Torres10 · 05/08/2022 22:46

Older woman, younger man as a rule, provided there are no other imbalances.
Men age faster than women and take less care of themselves generally, men only get away with punching due to their generally higher wages.

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PermanentTemporary · 05/08/2022 22:54

I find it pretty rare to observe a relationship from the outside thats particularly appealing. In general though I really dislike the vibe of large age gap relationships. I have a friend whose husband is 23 years younger than her and I don't enjoy what I see of their partnership. But hey, I'm not in it.

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ThinkingForEveryone · 06/08/2022 07:45

Definitely older man/younger woman for me.
I imagine lust fuelled sex with a younger man would be amazing however a relationship....no.
Personally I wouldn't like to feel the pressure of 'keeping my looks'. Even now, looking at women 10 years younger than me I couldn't imagine what a man in their age bracket would see in me compared to them so I would drive myself loopy thinking about it!
My friend is married to a man 10 years younger than her and they are happy, so obviously it works for some couples but my personal view is that the man should be the older one of the couple!

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AlwaysLatte · 06/08/2022 07:49

My husband is 20 years older but we both had our own incomes and owned our own homes before we got together (now we have 2 children) so not true here!

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AlwaysLatte · 06/08/2022 07:52

Sorry I read the first reply as the OP for some reason! I think older man/younger woman probably best in view of the fact that you can father children later but it's more difficult as a woman.

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Whitehorsegirl · 06/08/2022 08:12

Neither. I think people should stick to partners who are close to them in age.

Bid age gaps are an issue as far as I am concerned because:

  • It is not good for children/teens to have a father who might not have the physical stamina to keep up with the demands of raising kids and whose mindset/values are from a much older generation
  • The woman will likely become a carer for her much older partner when she is still in her prime
  • If the woman if the much older partner, again there is the issue of kids.

But just generally I always think people who purposely seek much younger partners are often controlling, immature or shallow (want a trophy wife or husband) and even creepy (dating profiles where men in their 50s state they want to date women 18 - 30...)

I had a father who was in his 40s (so not technically that old) and married to a younger woman when I was born and it created issues. He was not in good health already and it health worsened when I was a toddler. We never did anything together, his life revolved around his medical issues, he had a really closed and old fashioned mindset (misogyny, homophobia) and as a teen it was an absolute disaster.
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Joey69 · 06/08/2022 08:17

Men age faster than women

this not really true, post menopause women lose the protection of estrogen so can age very quickly, for men ageing is a more gradual process over their entire life

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Spaceprincess · 06/08/2022 12:06

I'm 51, DP is 32.
I'm the higher earner tho, and aging ok...

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rainbowandglitter · 06/08/2022 12:09

Dh is 15 years older than me. When we met we both owned our own houses and earnt the same money so no money/ power imbalance here.

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MaisyMary77 · 06/08/2022 12:18

DD1 is 29, her DP is 50. He’s actually older than me. I was very worried at first! But she earns almost as much as he does, owns her own house, he owns his own house. There are no children as his ex couldn’t. (She left him after 23 years together-there’s no acrimony)

DD is very happy and he’s a really nice guy, I’m absolutely sure he adores her. I’m worried about her becoming his carer in 20 years or so but he takes very good care of himself. I thought he was in his early 30s when she introduced us to him-she waited a while to tell us how old he actually is. 😀

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MaisyMary77 · 06/08/2022 12:20

Forgot to say-they’ve been together for nearly two years. He’s just moved in with her and they’re talking marriage and children!

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Vainandjustrealised · 06/08/2022 12:53

Joey69 · 06/08/2022 08:17

Men age faster than women

this not really true, post menopause women lose the protection of estrogen so can age very quickly, for men ageing is a more gradual process over their entire life

Read about the 'male menopause'
Another thing the patriachy sweeped under the carpet to make woman terrified of aging

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DillAte · 06/08/2022 13:07

Older man & younger woman is more likely to be an actual relationship.
I think older woman & younger man is usually a purely sexual thing.
The positives of sex with someone younger is pretty obvious in most cases, but I think younge men generally get with older women for sexual bucket list/fetish reasons or because it's easier/less demanding than a woman their own age (less competition and no pressure to "commit").

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Cheminaufaules · 06/08/2022 13:37

There's a man local to me whose second wife is 20 years his junior. He's referenced her age many more times than I consider to be normal in polite conversation. I can't work out if he references it because he's proud of having a younger wife, or in case people think he's out with his daughter.
Having that dynamic running in the background must surely be tiring for them both?
I'm sure it works for some people but neither dynamic seems that great to me.

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Joey69 · 06/08/2022 14:12

Read about the 'male menopause'

No such thing, a term coined by the media, male testosterone levels do decline from 40s onwards but it nothing like the female menopause.

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Vainandjustrealised · 06/08/2022 14:13

Joey69 · 06/08/2022 14:12

Read about the 'male menopause'

No such thing, a term coined by the media, male testosterone levels do decline from 40s onwards but it nothing like the female menopause.

The consultant urologist and endocrinologist who held a talk last week in my area would argue otherwise...

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Joey69 · 06/08/2022 15:11

Vainandjustrealised · 06/08/2022 14:13

The consultant urologist and endocrinologist who held a talk last week in my area would argue otherwise...

I would like to hear that talk, ( is it on online) as I don’t agree with that in the slightest, nor do most medical authorities.
Personally I would rather have the health of a women until about mid 50s due heart/ brain protection of estrogen and the general better health habits of women
, then the health of a man from 50s onwards.

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Vainandjustrealised · 06/08/2022 15:12

@Joey69

No it was a talk for medical professionals at a hospital
Was not recorded as far as I am aware

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HelenHywater · 06/08/2022 15:20

My experience is that men age dramatically in their 50s. Much more than the women I know have done. I really wouldn't want to be with a man in their 50s or 60s if I was in my 30s or 40s.

I am early 50s and would rather date men in their mid to late 40s. I am dating someone a few years older than me though - and that's old enough! He was with someone 20 years younger than him before me. I can't imagine ever wanting to date a man who's that old. I was never attracted to older men when I was in my 30s and it just seems strange to me.

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