Is no sex a deal breaker?

[Rhubarbandcustardcat]

It’s been 7 years since we’ve had sex.
no medical problems, I just don’t want to. I really really don’t want to. I’ve spoken to DH about it and he just says sex isn’t that important when you’ve got children and he isn’t that bothered.
I thought maybe I was asexual but then I met someone at work who made me think differently. I didn’t act on it but I wanted to.
It has awoken something in me and I’m struggling to just accept that I will never have sex again. DH and I have had marriage counselling and we did split up two years ago for a short time but then got back together.
I am not attracted to dh, I think for various reasons over the years I have checked out and now I just can’t see him in that way. I’ve really really tried.
I know that really only I can decide if it’s a deal breaker, it doesn’t seem to be for DH.
Would I be throwing away everything for no reason?

I very much doubt it. He wouldn't have hung around for 7 years if his wife had told him that she doesn't find him attractive but would happily have sex with someone else. I'll be honest, I'm deeply sceptical of the idea that OP has had no idea where her sex drive has gone until she has had her desire roused years later. I think she has probably been in deep denial, but as time wears on she has grown more used to the situation.

I think the OP should end the relationship, but she should be prepared that this is going to be difficult and her husband is going to experience a lot of pain I suspect. The way he has spoken to OP about splitting up previously is clear that he sees this as her problem and if she wants to leave she needs to do so physically. That suggests things are going to be difficult if she leaves the marriage to pursue another man.

I think that OP is going to have to be careful of how she deals with this for the sake of her kids if nothing else. I think people telling her to ignore the history here and take no responsibility for her husband's decision to stay are being pretty unrealistic here.

Not sure you have read OP's post properly.

This!!

All this idea that yo u should stay because he did, its condemning BOTH of you to a house share co-parent arrangement for decades!

Get out whilst you're both still comparatively young enough to make a long life with someone else if you so choose

It sounds like DH is still interested but more interested in kids well-being. He probably accurately has seen that two parents is the best for kids, however next best is a carefully managed exit.

Work out what the options to end things are. Look at kids ages, financial commitments, etc. Look it to other arrangements that people have tried to carefully exit marriages, can you move to separate rooms and start to arrange the accommodation and ease of access to the kids to both of you. I would avoid open marriages etc. far more likely to spiral in to a messy split. Better to arrange an optimal split slowly and get that right.