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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Do I text him?

37 replies

pebbles89 · 04/08/2022 19:12

After being with my partner for 3 years I got dumped out of the blue by text message, with him saying he wasn't happy but no more details other than that. Then total silence. Took me 6 long months to even start getting over him when he popped back up. Foolishly, I met up with him and we started seeing each other once a week. This has been going on for nearly 3 months now. Over the last week he's been taking longer to reply to my messages and now he seems to have stopped replying altogether. I knew it was risky starting things back up again but (naively) I didn't think he'd sh*t on me twice. I'm unsure whether to text him and ask for an explanation. I never got one all those months ago, and I didn't ask for one either. I'm feeling so upset, surely I deserve to know why he's done this again?!

OP posts:

Report

fedup078 · 04/08/2022 19:31

Another woman
I'd put every penny on it
Please move on

velvetvixen · 04/08/2022 19:34

Yes, another woman. Block, delete and move on.

TwilightSkies · 04/08/2022 19:36

Would an explanation really make you feel better?
Id just block him.

something2say · 04/08/2022 19:37

Awww. Yes an explanation would be nice BUT he has form, which you walked back into. I would probably vent on text to him, then block and cry for a month.

seaUrchinOne · 04/08/2022 19:39

He just wants to use you casually and is starting to back off.
No point in asking him why, don't stay in the this situation, just send him a message saying you're not happy with this anymore and block him.

FetchezLaVache · 04/08/2022 19:41

He wouldn't give you an honest explanation even if you asked for one, he'd just trot out some bullshit.

All you need to know is that he's not worth a second more of your time.

I wouldn't even block him, I'd take pleasure from simply ignoring the inevitable "Hey, how are you?" six months down the road and knowing he knew you'd read the messages but couldn't even be arsed to reply.

ImpartialMongoose · 04/08/2022 19:43

Explanations aren't worth it. The dumper tries to come up with something and maybe mentions things about the dumpee that wouldn't bother them if they were with someone they wanted to stay with. Then you end up fretting you're too this or not enough that. And if it's another woman they won't tell you.

The only explanation you really need you already have: is he doesn't want to be with you in a serious way. And that is not good enough for you as you deserve better.

CookPassBabtridge · 04/08/2022 19:43

Block, hold your head high and keep your dignity. You spent a long time mourning him last time, did he? No did he fuck. And now he's busy with someone again. So no more grieving, you need to move on too.

FOJN · 04/08/2022 19:53

I'm feeling so upset, surely I deserve to know why he's done this again?!

It's understandable you feel upset but he's done it again because he got away with it the first time. Treating you badly is a consequence free option for him. The only reasonable answer he could give about why is that he's an arsehole.

If he was willing to discuss it do you think he would take full responsibility for being so awful or do you think he would find some way of making it partly your fault? Don't give him the opportunity to make you feel worse. Of course he has the right to stop seeing you for any reason but decent people communicate their intention rather than ignore someone and hope they get the message.

It's a shitty and hurtful way to behave do not have anything more to do with him and know that you are not the problem.

orangeisthenewpuce · 04/08/2022 19:54

An explanation to say that he was just using you to fill some time in until he met someone else he liked more than you?
That's what's happened. Get rid. Block delete and get back out there.

Watchkeys · 04/08/2022 21:07

The explanation is that he doesn't see the need to treat you with respect. You don't need him to give you reasons for that.

WhenPushComesToShove · 04/08/2022 21:44

As long as you are prepared to be a doormat, he will wipe his feet on you. Please value yourself more

Moonface123 · 04/08/2022 21:47

Reject the rejecter.
Move onwards and upwards, he is a weak spineless man, you deserve alot better.

SnowyNoey · 04/08/2022 21:50

I wouldn’t waste anymore time or worry on him. He can’t be respectful enough to treat you right . Know your worth. Block delete and enjoy your own company :) someone worth the effort will come along x

Dery · 04/08/2022 22:03

“The only explanation you really need you already have: is he doesn't want to be with you in a serious way. And that is not good enough for you as you deserve better.”

This. The explanation is that he’s just not that into you - he doesn’t see a future with you. Stop bothering with him. Get busy with the rest of your life and don’t let him back a third time. Most of us have been where you are - and where he is in the sense that someone else cares more for us than we do for them. And most of us find the one who cares for us as much as we care for them. That person is still in your future. Don’t let this guy hold you up any longer.

Dery · 04/08/2022 22:11

And no - don’t text him. And don’t respond to texts from him. Just ignore him.

Rowen32 · 04/08/2022 22:20

Before I even read your post (just the title) my answer was no, definitely don't text him. Move on and forget and if he does get in contact again, ignore him.

Mamato3boysand2dogs · 05/08/2022 00:03

Good god, NO!!

He's done it again because he could, because you let him. He is hardly going to admit that.

If he messages again, tell him you've met someone you're really excited about and best he leave you alone now. Cool, calm, bollocks to him.

Canabelievethis · 05/08/2022 00:56

He showed you who he was the first time!

Ohahjustalittlebit · 05/08/2022 01:00

Complete silence. If he wanted to be with you he would show you.

midsomermurderess · 05/08/2022 01:02

He picks you up and puts you down like a play thing. Cut him out of your life.

Mississipi71 · 05/08/2022 01:05

You can't change allowing him to use you but you can stop him from taking you for a mug the next time. Do not chase him. Prick.

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Mississipi71 · 05/08/2022 01:05

Mississipi71 · 05/08/2022 01:05

You can't change allowing him to use you but you can stop him from taking you for a mug the next time. Do not chase him. Prick.

Obviously he is the prick, not you x

pebbles89 · 05/08/2022 18:40

Well after 3 months of texting every day, meeting up regularly and also sleeping together a few times I received a text from him this morning to say that he didn't want to lead me on

OP posts:

Inthesameboatatmo · 05/08/2022 18:54

What a bastard ! . Do not give him any more head space . Ignore him he'll get the message eventually. Never be a man's option op.

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