Extreme stress in pregnancy and comment from midwife

[Jdy]

midwife has said that stress in pregnancy can cause adhd, behavioural problems or autism and that although there’s no masses of research these are possible.

it is an understatement to say I’ve been stressed. I am under extreme emotional distress, stomach in knots each day, diarrhoea often, heart pounding. Not all the time but a lot of each day. I’m slowly trying to manage it but it’s largely wound in my husband walking out and having got another woman pregnant. It’s not something I can switch off and to be honest these worries are now making it even worse! Did anyone have extreme stress and things were ok? I already had anxiety before all this.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

She’s talking out of her arse. Women living in refugee camps and war zones under the most extreme stress have healthy babies. The level of stress you describe isn’t good for you which is a concern and the last thing you need is people spouting crap like that at you. Can you ask for a different midwife?

Is there anything you can do to try and manage your stress? The circumstances sound awful but there may be small things you can do to help. Are you under mental health services for support?

[Jdy]

She said that the baby will respond to stress and I will start to notice them moving more or less when I am stressed. It’s making me feel awful. I am having counselling and doing what I can but to be honest my world has fallen apart

[Regularsizedrudy]

In my experience midwives love to spout shit like this, just smile and nod, she’s talking bollocks. Millions of healthy happy babies are born to mothers under extreme stress. Trust your body, it knows exactly how to nurture and protect your baby, they are safe inside you ❤️

[greywinds]

What a crock of shite - I didn't work in my first pregnancy and stopped at 7 months with second and do a job I love, no stress and I've got two dc with ASD etc due largely to genetic factors.

Can you ask to change midwives? This one sounds like they've exceeded their brief and lost the plot themselves frankly.

[SteveHarringtonsChestHair]

That’s an awful thing for her to say!! Even if there were any truth in it (which I cannot imagine there is, or we’d all have a perfect excuse for spending 9 months at a mothers’ retreat for the sake of the baby!) it’s not like you can avoid the stress you’re under.

it’s not as if reducing your hours at work or giving up your voluntary work at the weekends is the issue.

It’s a spectacularly insensitive thing to say to any pregnant woman, but for someone in your circumstances it’s irresponsible and dangerous of her to suggest that any future problems for your child could have been avoided.

please ignore her and ask to see someone else for your next appt. I’d also speak to another MW about what she said, she needs sorting out.

[Jdy]

Thanks for replies ive been reading all sorts and it does suggest there can be a link. The gp said not though. I can’t help the stress it’s been the worst time of my life.

[RobertJohnsonsShoes]

I was under the mental health team when pregnant. I spent 9 months of my pregnancy in and out of hospital, so anxious I cried all day every day and then covid hit 2 months before DS arrived. He's fine, no different from my other DC. Fancy telling an anxious woman that it causes issues. Talking out of her arse and I wouldn't be seeing her again.

[RobertJohnsonsShoes]

Also from my experience, some midwives are terrible. My community ones were very similar to what you describe and added to my anxiousness. I refused to see them. Luckily during the birth I had the most amazing midwife and student. They were sent from God I'm sure x

[RainbowsMoonbeams]

Well that thoughtless comment is bound to help your stress levels by giving you a side order of guilt to go with it, isn’t it?

I am sorry you are going through a hard time right now. Don’t give such comments any headspace.

[NeighbourCutMyTree]

I am so annoyed for you. Ask your midwife to back up her comments. I'd like to know where she got this idea from. What her research is?
I've got two dc's with ASD, I had two healthy pregnancies, no stress. Well, a little with dc2, but nothing above average and nowhere near like your experiencing (bless you).
She is just adding to your stress, and talking out of her arse, please ignore her and ask to be seen by someone more experienced.

[WorryMcGee]

Oh god you poor thing. If someone had said this to me when I was pregnant I’d have been even more anxious than I was already. I was under the perinatal mental health team when I was pregnant and I came off my medication, I was incredibly anxious and depressed throughout my pregnancy and no midwife or doctor ever suggested for a second that it would harm my baby. They always said the baby knows exactly what it needs, it takes that from you and leaves what it doesn’t need behind… ❤️

[BlueWhippets]

Bold of her to suggest that stress can cause asd or autism as there really isn't enough research out there to make these claims and I can imagine that would only add to your stress!

I'm not sure if this helps reassure you at all but I do a lot of autism/adhd assessments as part of my job. Some mothers had a stressful pregnancy and others had the most straight forward relaxed pregnancy and loved every second of it! Often there are usually a load of other factors involved such as family history of autism/adhd. If I was in your situation and told this knowing what I know about neurodevelopmental disorders I would take absolutely no notice of the midwife's comments.

I also have a friend who had a horrific pregnancy with her abusive ex who she luckily managed to get away from in the end. Her kid is doing fantastically now despite her mums very high stress levels and useless dad!

[greywinds]

Far and above the biggest cause of neuro diversity is genes, which is why when your dc referred for assessment they take a family history and note siblings and other family with ASD, ADHD etc.

You'd be better off going to have a bath than researching, they'll be researching the caddies of ASD for the next 20 years.

[Imagineit]

Bloody hell. I'm glad I didn't have your midwife. I lost my first baby at 32 weeks with no explanation ever found. To say I was stressed in my second pregnancy is a major understatement! As of course we're the other loss mamas I'd met who were pregnant again. All of us went on to have healthy babies.

[Davyjones]

Why don’t you just ask for her evidence and have a look then?

[FictionalCharacter]

She’s talking complete bollocks. If this was true there would be convincing research and it would have been all over the papers. Please don’t torture yourself reading shite on the internet.

[ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou]

Two stress free pregnancies, not working, string relationship, family support - 2 kids etc adhd. You know why? Because both their parents have adhd.

Your midwife is an ignorant, ill informed cunt and you need to ask to see someone else.

Take care. My relationship has since broken down and I have some inkling of how horrific you're feeling right now. Please look after yourself and stay away from negative influences like this bitch.

[WonderingWanda]

I cannot believe how stupid your midwife is. She clearly knows very little about stress if she thinks telling you it might harm your baby is going to make you stop being stressed. What an idiot, it amazes me that even in professional roles you get people that have so little common sense.

I will admit I know very little about adhd so there may be a grain of truth in what she said but honestly millions of women experience stress in pregnancy and there babies are fine.

For your own sanity though it is important you get some support in dealing with what you are going through. Your husband sounds like a prize prick and as much as it has turned your world upside down try to remember that you've just ditched a load of excess baggage there.

Feeling that level of anxiety for long periods must be exhausting for you, again please seek medical help but remember that walks in nature, walking in general, stepping away from the Internet and some mindfulness can all help to dial back some of those physical symptoms.

[RidingMyBike]

Ask to see a different midwife. This one is talking rubbish, so goodness knows what else she's telling you. Make sure they know why you're asking for a different one, spouting this kind of advice needs to be followed up on.

In my experience the midwife who talked rubbish during pregnancy was equally awful postnatally and missed basic things. It's not worth having her around.

[layladomino]

Even IF there was a nugget of truth in what she said, she's not very bright is she - she's just added to your stress?!

BUT as pp have said, lots of babies are born in very stressful circs and don't suffer as a result. And lots of babies are born with health problems that have nothing to do with their mum being stressed.

Listen to your GP. And seek whatever help and support you can to reduce the stress for you, and so that you can hopefully enjoy your pregnancy, and your baby.

[WhenTheDragonsCame]

My third pregnancy was very stressful. Towards the end my H was constantly picking fights then storming off and staying out all night. If I was out longer than he expected or went somewhere with a friend he would accuse me of having an affair, he didn't even believe I was in labour and wasn't at DDs birth. It turns out he was sleeping with someone else and moved in with her when my DD was new born. DD can get a bit anxious at times but her dad died when she was little which I think would have had more of an effect than my mood when pregnant!

[Mellowyell292]

I was under extreme stress when pregnant. DS is 13 now, no behavioural issues at all. I hope everything settles for you OP.

[Crocky]

No stress in either of my pregnancies. One with ASD and one without.

[autienotnaughty]

Great comment to relax you 🙄 the definitive cause of autism is not known but is considered to be genetic although factors such as age can play a role. The best thing you can do is try to find ways to calm. Hypnotherapy, meditation, counselling, yoga can all help. But most of all try to focus on you and your baby.

[Whatkindoflifeisthis]

I went through extreme stress during pregnancy, similar situation to yours. I researched and researched as I too was worried that stress hormones would pass to the baby and cause some kind of condition in my baby, however I couldn't really find much reliable research at all to back this up.