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Original poster

Should I confront DH about photos on his phone?

28 replies

Duebug · 03/08/2022 06:24

Sounds odd to begin with but it came out that DH was cheating for roughly a year. We decided to let bygones be bygones but one of the only tells he has that he was cheating in the first place was lots of selfies and shirtless pics etc for his dating sites. Anyways, he was showing me photos this morning from our trip a few weeks ago and I noticed very recent pictures like the ones described above.
He does lie a lot as he thinks I’m going to leave him if there’s anything else historic or new (he’d be right) and I’m sure I am just blowing things out of proportion but I’m still not sure what to do with this. Should I ask him or just let it slide?

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 03/08/2022 06:26

Yes you need to ask him (then think about leaving him)

RedTonight · 03/08/2022 06:27

Does it matter? You already said he lies so what difference does it make as you already know an excuse is coming. That’s not the question really is it. The question is are you happy to accept the possibility of him cheating and at will stay with him or can you not be bothered with all the hassle and lies, and leave?

FreudayNight · 03/08/2022 06:27

Could you say “I noticed you had topless selfies again when you were showing the photos. I would like you to give me your phone now so that I can check for evidence as to whether you have been cheating again. If you choose to say No, our relationship is over.”

ShandaLear · 03/08/2022 06:28

You know what you saw. You’re not blowing things out of proportion. If anything, you are under reacting. He was cheating on you with likely dozens of women for a year and he’s almost certainly doing it again. Why do you think this is all you deserve?

HollyBollyBooBoo · 03/08/2022 06:28

Probably no point in confronting him then as he'll deny it. Any other way of getting evidence they've been sent or used? You need some evidence.

Also, is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Is he worth being with?

2u2me2me2u · 03/08/2022 06:28

After being cheated on you’re going to always be suspicious. Can you bide your time and look for other evidence? If he knows you’re onto him now he’ll be more careful and you may never know and always be on edge with what he’s up to.

sorry you’re going through this.

MaggotHELL · 03/08/2022 06:33

If he lies already he's not going to tell the truth of you ask him now.

You either need to cut ties anyway as this is no way to live.

I like the idea of PP about asking to check phone and catch him off guard, his reaction should be telling.

Of alternatively you'll have to be sneaky and detective but really is that worth it and do you want to be in a relationship like that.

I don't know how you can get over his previous indiscretions to be honest.

Cognacsoft · 03/08/2022 06:40

Just leave him.
He’s treating you like a mug.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 03/08/2022 06:53

He’s taking the piss , he knows it and so do you. He will lie if you ask him why he has these pics
What dating sites was he on before ? You could make up a fake profile and go online to see if he’s joined up again. Tbh don’t know if I could be arsed, a year is a long time to be cheating on you, it wasn’t even a much regretted ONS. I’d walk away

Fairislefandango · 03/08/2022 07:07

You seem to just accept that 'he lies a lot'. Why? He doesn't sound like he can be trusted at all.

Begoniasforever · 03/08/2022 07:10

He was in dating sites?

UserError012345 · 03/08/2022 07:15

Oh just dump him. What kind of life is it to be dealing with this shit ?! A year affair IMO is not something that should be 'bygones' as proved by latest discovery.

'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me'.

Speaking from experience - I was stupid enough to fooled lots of times.

rainbowstardrops · 03/08/2022 07:29

I'd be telling him to show me his phone and if he refuses, say you don't trust him and it's over.

gannett · 03/08/2022 08:02

He does lie a lot

This is the reason you should leave him. You don't need to waste time turning these photos into a drama, you already have the reason you should leave him.

Shoemadlady · 03/08/2022 08:12

He cheats and there doesn't seem to be any trust. He sounds like a real catch!
Think of how happy you could be with someone who adores you and looks after you x

Dotcheck · 03/08/2022 08:18

‘Let bygones be bygones’?
OP, he didn’t criticise your cooking or tell you that your bum DOES look big in those jeans- he cheated and continues to lie.

You have been terribly betrayed- OF COURSE you should be able to question it. However, I suspect you both ‘agreed’ to sweep it under the carpet as that is the most convenient option for your cheating husband

fedup078 · 03/08/2022 08:19

No you shouldn't
You should just leave him

LIZS · 03/08/2022 08:41

You don't trust him. Is there any point to continuing your relationship?

sdfsdipf9ue · 03/08/2022 08:44

What is the point to this relationship when he has already cheated and even now, you know that he lies about things? Do you have children together? If not, there is no reason at all to even think of bothering to find out what he is doing or why. Based on past form, I'd end the relationship.

fedup078 · 03/08/2022 08:46

I can understand sometimes when people have been together years and have kids etc and a lot to lose so try and make it work after a drunken ons or even a full blown affair after having their head turned

But I think if the cheater has signed up for dating sites and has actually gone out looking for it then there is no going back from that and your relationship is dead

Original poster
Duebug · 04/08/2022 09:53

Yes sorry we have a DD (3) and the cheating was caused by his poorly maintained mental health following multiple miscarriages.
I did check his phone last night as I just couldn’t stop thinking about it and it was completely clean, no unknown numbers, dating sites, suspect new followers on ig or fb (he doesn’t really use them anyways).
Thanks for advise guys, not an ideal situation I know but we’re working on it slowly but surely.

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 04/08/2022 10:01

Aw bless, OP, your miscarriages did not cause this man to cheat. Has he told you this? Did they make you cheat as well, or did you somehow manage your grief in a way that didn't involve dating sites?
Are you still trying to have a baby with him, as I can see how that would encourage you to stay for now.

Cognacsoft · 04/08/2022 10:09

Yes sorry we have a DD (3) and the cheating was caused by his poorly maintained mental health following multiple miscarriages.

No, this didn't cause the cheating.
It was his disgraceful, victim blaming excuse.

LooseGoose22 · 04/08/2022 10:10

the cheating was caused by his poorly maintained mental health following multiple miscarriages.

Lots of people have poor mental health and don't chest on their spouses.

Lots of ppl suffer miscarriages and don't cheat on their spouses.

Was the poor mental health only raided after he was caught cheating?

What will be his excuse this time, since hrs clearly back on dating sites etc? Has he not gotten help for this poor me tal health that apparently caused him to cheat?

Youve swallowed something hook, line and sinker that doesn't really name much sense.

Looks more like an excuse, a get out of jail free card, and a very low, manipulative one at that.

DelphiniumBlue · 04/08/2022 10:13

Shirtless selfies? Either impossibly vain or more likely using them for dating sites etc. Probably both.
A married man going on dating sites..why would you not leave him over that? Preplanned, deliberate cheating. Yuk.
You say "we're working on it," do you mean you are working on it? What's he doing to work on it?

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