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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I confront DH about photos on his phone?

28 replies

Duebug · 03/08/2022 06:24

Sounds odd to begin with but it came out that DH was cheating for roughly a year. We decided to let bygones be bygones but one of the only tells he has that he was cheating in the first place was lots of selfies and shirtless pics etc for his dating sites. Anyways, he was showing me photos this morning from our trip a few weeks ago and I noticed very recent pictures like the ones described above.
He does lie a lot as he thinks I’m going to leave him if there’s anything else historic or new (he’d be right) and I’m sure I am just blowing things out of proportion but I’m still not sure what to do with this. Should I ask him or just let it slide?

OP posts:
LooseGoose22 · 04/08/2022 10:16

Cognacsoft · 04/08/2022 10:09

Yes sorry we have a DD (3) and the cheating was caused by his poorly maintained mental health following multiple miscarriages.

No, this didn't cause the cheating.
It was his disgraceful, victim blaming excuse.

This.

He could have sought help for poor mental health (if he truly had it and ots nit a difficult thing to trump up, given most people feel down, stressed, anxious at various times .... plus if ye dust, all he has to day is is he feels/felt down and you can't exactly prove prove way or another that he didnt).

A couple with a decent guy suffering miscarriages could be pulling together, as suffering something equally/together; he could be showing compassion, empathy, support, concern, warmth etc. It could cause them to :team" even more; yet he's using it as an excuse to go on dating sites, look for other women (while he's a married man with a family) and cheat.

Even if hos excuses are true (doubt it), someone who behaves like that in they wake of sad, stressful,chromatic things happening to their family, their partner...is not good partner material. Missing integrity and decency.

LooseGoose22 · 04/08/2022 10:17

*traumatic

Cornflakegirll · 04/08/2022 10:31

Just to reiterate what the above posters are saying.

I’m still married after my husbands affair so I know it can be done. A MH crisis was in the background but my husband himself will tell you that was NOT an excuse for his affair. Selfish, entitled thinking always underpins the decision making.

If you both start sweeping this under the rug as MH issues what happens when your husband next hits a rocky patch as all marriages do? If he’s not dug deeper into his thinking he will continue to be a risk. There are some great resources which will help out there as you unpick this.

Good luck

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