Has he changed?i am really upset

[carpetstail]

Sorry for the ramble in advance.
My ex has just got married.
We split up November 2020
He met someone in the December and that was hard but then got engaged in November last year.
I tried telling myself he might not even get married but he did two weeks ago.
I know I must sound bitter but he was awful to me,mentally abusive and gaslighting.
He made me wish I wasn't here for a while it got that bad..he has a string of women he's hurt and yet he gets he's happy ever after.
He's mum putting on Facebook "happy ever after"
I keep asking myself why he couldn't treat me as nice as he is her,why he did all the bad things to me but she was worth treating nicely.
I'm a good person..I loved him and would have done anything for him.
Yet he repeatedly got a kick from hurting me.

In 19 months he's met someone,moved in,got engaged and married.
It seems like she's well off so are always on holiday,trips away
Yet here I am on anti depressants ,seeing a therapist trying to get better from it all.

Sorry if I sound bitter -I just feel so sad
I wish it had been good enough
Will this get better for me?
The same length of time he's been with her-he put me through hell

This made me so sad to read this.
He isn’t perfect for her as she’s better than you.
Almost certainly she is just tolerating more than you would.

It's extremely unlikely he's changed in such a short period of time. He's obviously making an effort with her - for unknown reasons - for now but the mask will slip sooner or later. You dodged a bullet.

I think you're making a massive assumption here.
You said he was horrible and has a string of women he's hurt - leopards don't change their spots.
I'll bet my last quid he is still the same person, she probably just hasn't realised yet or worse is in denial.
If she's a good earner he's probably keeping the situation sweet for his own benefit.

You sound like you are far better away from this creature. It's ok to feel sad, you were clearly treated horrifically, but don't think for one moment you'd be better back with him!

Social media always paints a pretty picture, you know the real him. Don't lose sight of that Xx

He never used to put anything on SM
Now it's wedding profile pics and showing a happy smiley him.
This morning I woke up feeling like crap,sat on my own with my cup of tea,couldn't resist clicked on his wife's story and they are in a airport hotel jetting off to Santorini for honeymoon.
I couldn't feel any more worthless.
He never had any money

He said to me I was the abusive one,that he was very lenient with me.
He said I kept kicking off at him (after he pushed me and did things to get a reaction )
Then he would try and paint me as unstable.
So then I see these happy pics and look at his wife and think why not me.
Every reaction from me was because of the things he did.

I always think when people show off like that they're trying to prove something.

I've been there with an ex. Mentally and emotionally abusive, months of therapy, years of working on myself.

I got my happily ever after with a baby.

It will happen for you. Just stay focused on yourself.

Delete his family from SM. Doing you more harm x

OP, abusers often start by “love bombing” to reel their victim in, before they reveal their true nature. Very often the abuse starts after marriage, or more often pregnancy, when the woman is vulnerable.
Think yourself lucky that you have escaped, and feel sorry for what this latest victim is going to face in the not too distant future.
Please also stop giving your abuser space in your head and the power to hurt you - it’s not healthy to keep thinking about him or blaming yourself for not being “good enough”. Do you seriously think women deserve abuse if they don’t live up to their abuser’s unreasonable demands?
You need therapy before you consider dating again, and I’d recommend you read Lundy Bancroft “Why does he do that?” .

Give it a year or 2 and you might hear about their divorce coming through. He won't of magically changed, she is just next in line for abuse. Sounds like he put a ring on it asap as she's a woman of means.
Just be glad you don't have to go through divorce and splitting of assets - she's got a rocky ride ahead, marry in haste, repent at leisure so they say. You got free of him, that is a reason to be happy.

Honestly you've had a lucky escape. I'd be feeling sorry for her, the leopard doesn't change its spots and life is likely to start being a lot less pleasant for her once they get home. Who knows he may have even started once they got on the plane, after all they're married now, escaping has just become that little bit harder.
You know social media rarely tells the truth, it certainly wont be all roses. Move on you deserve better.

This was never you..it was him. He blamed you because he’s horrible, not due to anything you did. All relationships are amazing at first, I’m sure she is feeling like you ‘used to’ give it time she will see his true colours, and if she doesn’t she’s more accepting of crappy behaviour than you were.
Block him & everyone that reminds you and work on realising you’re far better off without. Big hugs I know how hard it is

My personal belief is that men like your ex have a hierarchy of women and if they believe they are on a higher level than them they will treat them well, and if lower they will abuse them because that is all they are worth. Or it could just be that she is still in the honeymoon period and will get the same treatment as you eventually. Even narcissists know where their bread is buttered and can curb their abuse.

It's the getting married bit that I don't get
He's massively rushed into that when he used to be such a commitment phobe
It's honestly like he is a totally different person now

My ex is the same.
Emotionally abused me. Cheated endless times. He was on dating apps. Made me into a paranoid mess. Made me feel like I was going crazy and worthless for years.

Never wanted commitment. Never wanted responsibility. Could never hold down a job. Lived at his mums. Constant gaming 24/7. Paid for absolute nothing.

Fast forward a few years- He met a girl. She fell pregnant 6 months later. All happy. Full time job. Mortgage. Baby. All within not even 2 years.

From what is posted of SM you would believe he was the most amazing, caring, hardworking, thoughtful man that any women and child would dream of. He isn't. Sorry it's bullshit! (At least that's what I tell myself) He loves himself more than he could ever love anyone else. Cheetahs don't change their spots. It's true. Time will tell. The more shit posted on SM the more someone is trying to prove something. In my opinion anyway.

Sorry OP I know it's shit but you just need to block him on all SM and try and move on.

It will get better. You got a lucky escape. 🍀

I finished with my ex the Oct of 2020 (we lived together) and it was only after it ended I realised how utterly awful he was to me and he was quite abusive. He cheated on me and moved onto the woman he cheated on me with. He wanted to stay friends for - for the sake of peace I agreed. During those few months we were friends going into Feb 2021 he did nothing but complain and moan about her (he denied cheating on me but I knew). I broke all contact off then. I have no idea whether he is still with her but I know he has not changed for her and his true self has already come out. When I realised about the cheating I said to myself you are both welcome to one another.

She knew about me from the minute he met her. I also had to pack up all my stuff from our house while she was staying there but I'm sure he told her oh I choose you, you are the one I want, I never loved her, you mean more to me than anything etc. She probably thought wow this is amazing. Sometimes abusive men just attract vulnerable women. That is prob the same here.

You only see it from the outside and SM is BS, you have no idea the fights that goes on, what he says to her, the tone he uses etc. The fact she has money as well is the icing on the cake. He will use her for everything and she will pay for it and then when he is done he will discard her and take the rest of her money.

You are feeling like this as you think he didn't pick or choose you and there is something wrong with you. There is not, you are just wounded - so now you need to lick your wounds and start on a journey of love for yourself. It will take a bit of time but you will get there and after you will be so proud of yourself, you can do this and please stay away from SM, it's toxic. Wishing you the best of luck.

He sounds horrible, you dodged a bullet there. Don't waste your time thinking about him, you already know that he's nasty. You have no idea how he treats his new partner, he's hardly going to put on FB that he did horrible things to her, is he? He was horrible to you because that's the person he is, not because of anything you did.
Be grateful that you are shot of him!

Maybe she’s got money? He won’t change but he’s probably putting on a good show for her. Or, she’s as manipulative as he is and she’s met her match. Only time will tell. You’ve had a lucky escape.

I wonder if he's had time to reflect and he's realised how he treated women wasn't right
Or he's realised he's nearly 40 and can't keep on the way he has been
I guess nobody wants to be alone

Reflect on what? - you broke up Nov he met her Dec. If he truly was going to change he'd at least take a time out from dating to work on himself and why he is the man he is. He has not changed I can assure you. You are making up all sorts of assumptions and torturing yourself.

Regards no one wants to be alone you should read all the lovely posts on here from other women about being on their own and absolutely loving it. Most women would rather be alone than be in an awful abusive, soul destroying relationship.

Again that's your assumption which in my opinion is wrong and quite judgemental. Best of luck to you.

Either this or his gaslighting horrible behaviour hasn't kicked in yet. But it will.

He'll treat her just like he treated you. He's just getting comfortable before he starts.

Think back to when you first got together with him. Bet he didn't act like a twat back then, because why would you have stayed with him if he had. He's reeled this woman in, just like he did you, and one day soon he'll start treating her shittily soon.

Feel sorry for her, feel angry at him, and feel grateful for yourself, because however crap you're feeling at the moment, it could be worse. You could still be with him.

I'm the worst SM stalker. So much so I've had to delete most of my accounts. It really is a type of self harm. Please block them all and try and focus on other things

He said I kept kicking off at him (after he pushed me and did things to get a reaction )

So how can you feel anything but pity for her, married to him?

He won't have changed. You are so much better off without him, aren't you ? Remind yourself of that fact.

Be glad you are rid of him. Do what you want and enjoy.

Just in case you didn't know, it shows who has watched your story on Facebook.

I hope you meet someone much nicer soon

@Elsiid yeah I know thanks but I'm not her friend so it just shows as a view and not a name thank goodness

I'm hoping so
I'm hoping a leopard doesn't change his spots but then again his new wife doesn't deserve to be treated bad either