Has he changed?i am really upset

[carpetstail]

Sorry for the ramble in advance.
My ex has just got married.
We split up November 2020
He met someone in the December and that was hard but then got engaged in November last year.
I tried telling myself he might not even get married but he did two weeks ago.
I know I must sound bitter but he was awful to me,mentally abusive and gaslighting.
He made me wish I wasn't here for a while it got that bad..he has a string of women he's hurt and yet he gets he's happy ever after.
He's mum putting on Facebook "happy ever after"
I keep asking myself why he couldn't treat me as nice as he is her,why he did all the bad things to me but she was worth treating nicely.
I'm a good person..I loved him and would have done anything for him.
Yet he repeatedly got a kick from hurting me.

In 19 months he's met someone,moved in,got engaged and married.
It seems like she's well off so are always on holiday,trips away
Yet here I am on anti depressants ,seeing a therapist trying to get better from it all.

Sorry if I sound bitter -I just feel so sad
I wish it had been good enough
Will this get better for me?
The same length of time he's been with her-he put me through hell

You dodged a bullet there! Horrible to you, was deflecting all the time and never had any money? Does the wife have money? Is that maybe why he’s rushed into this?

I think she does
At one point he was selling clothes on Facebook to afford a takeaway
Now he's going on 3 holidays a year and a fancy wedding

Sorry I've name changed it's still me

Hmm... call me a cynic, but he's always been skint and now he's married the one with the money, hasn't he?

I’m so sorry I have read a lot of posts recently about similar situations and my ex also recently got married leaving me holding our newborn baby it’s been so hard. I really recommend the freedom programme and gradually bit by bit you will start to feel better. Try to block them on social media because you know it’s not the reality and pity her because people like that don’t change. This website is great too www.truelovescam.com/4-stages-of-true-love-scam-recovery/ as it helps out things into perspective. You will be ok OP and you will meet someone who truly loves you xx

I guess nobody wants to be alone

Or he has found someone else susceptible to his love bombing.

This is what narcissistic people do, they blame everyone else so their actions so they never ever have to take responsibility for it. I had a similar experience and it really galled me for a long time that I was left going for counselling when my ex went on and married and had kids with the woman he cheated on me with. It seemed so unfair. But as much as it was awful at the time I now wouldn't change a thing because I'm much stronger a person now because of the work i put into myself and i know I'll never ever second guess my own worth for anyone. It also taught me I'd rather be by myself than with the wrong person. I don't think for a second that my ex has changed, maybe he's just got smarter about his behaviour and how far he pushes it but either way not my problem any more. They're welcome to each other and I hope for their kids sake it's a better relationship than we had. It'll take time and it's a shit position to be left in but good riddance, my advice is block him and anyone associated and focus on yourself and living your own best life now he's not holding you back any more. It does get better.

I am in a similar situation with my ex. Obviously karma hasn't kicked in.

OP I would say your ex:

Thinks he won't ever get any better so has settled

His wife can give him a better lifestyle than him being single

He hasn't turned off the charm yet and the wife is still infatuated or is much more tolerant than you

He will show his true colours eventually. Try and move on

For some people, especially men as they have a longer biological clock, it’s about timing. At some point they may feel ready to settle down, really with whoever is in the chair at that point. It’s no reflection on you. What is completely unacceptable is being horrible to you, if he wasn’t 100% feeling it. A person like that was never going to make you happy and a leopard does not change. For your mental health, I would defriend him and any relatives on social media. Continuing to see posts like that won’t help and as PPs said doesn’t even show the full picture.

First of all stop looking on their social media. Block them so you are not tempted. No good will come of looking. My ExH was abusive for 20 years and ended up with a woman half his age. On their FB posts you would think they were loves young dream. Turns out he was haemorrhaging borrowed money and still behaving like an asshole, she kicked him out just before the wedding that he paid for. And behind the scenes of the lovey-dovey 'my 🌎' posts they were fighting like cat and dog.

He is an abusive man. Such men very very rarely (if ever) change. Lundy Bancroft has written extensively on the subject and you might find his writing helpful.

What you are seeing is a public image that they are curating to look good. You have no idea what is happening behind closed doors. He will doubtless end up abusing her the same way he has you, whilst also spending her money no doubt.

He will never be 'happy' in the way you think of happiness as being because men like him view women as commodities to be used and not real people. Please block them on your SM and stop torturing yourself.

He wasn't good enough for YOU, not the other way round.