Just changed username to post this, leaving XH definitely a good thing.
Final straw from emotionally abusive ex was asking me to stay up late to have a chat about our marriage the night before I started a new job. I did and he proceeded to tell me (not for the first time, but certainly the most relentless and hurtful) how unlovable I was, that all our issues were my fault and that everyone said I was very difficult. That he would stay if I agreed to change. Essentially he wanted me to work full time, do all the childcare for toddler DD and all the housework. I was to stop expecting him to do any chores or to spend any time with me.
When I tried to defend myself and state my point of view, including begging him just to stop as I needed to get to bed/prepare for new job, he got really angry, shouted at me (I can’t remember exactly what he said but I remember how terrified I felt) and stormed off in his car. I had no idea if he was planning to come back. I remember not knowing whether to lock the door after him or not, thinking if I accidentally locked him out I would be safer, but if he got back in he would be even more furious with me. Can’t remember what I did with the doors but I took the dog to bed with me and DD.
XH did come in at some point. I woke up in the night to find him looking down at me with a weird look on his face, I froze and pretended to go back to sleep and he went away.
Next morning I got up and got me and DD ready for work (she usually came with me at that age). I was nearly ready when XH got up and basically picked up where he had left off the previous night. I told him to stop, that I was not going to discuss it when I was about to leave for work, that he was upsetting DD. He didn’t stop, I couldn’t believe that he couldn’t even be nice to let me start a new job that would benefit us all and got really angry. I told him I’d had enough, that I was ending our marriage and wanted him out by the time I got home from work (he had threatened to leave a hundred times and always said he would let me keep the house we rented jointly). I said I would be in touch to arrange him seeing DD. He tried to stop me leaving for work, but I pushed past him and drove off with my legs shaking. He did leave, text and called me lots through the day though.
Did a pretty good first day in my new job considering. Told my boss we’d split up at the end of the second week. Still don’t think she realises it was just before work. I immediately felt better with him gone, lighter, more positive, able to cope with household stuff. I didn’t realise how deeply he’d hurt me until he left though, his gas lighting, constant put downs, scape-goating , angry outbursts where he’d damage my stuff, it took a long time to undo that, and I still get triggered by him occasionally as we co-parent DD.