Men in their 40’s with no children…

[RSitf]

whats your experience of dating them?
Obviously I’m not tarring them all!..
Following on from another thread I’ve always preferred to date a man with no children (because selfishly I don’t have)
However the last 3, with no children have been hard work. They were man babys, soon became quite lazy/reliant..selfish..have I just been unlucky?!

I married him. Not a manbaby in the slightest, just doesn't want kids.

Probably the same as any other single person. Once you're used to living on your own it can be an issue relating to others. Probably lazy etc because on their own there's no one to push them to be tidy or keep busy. If your used to your own way coping with someone else is difficult.

You may find they find you just as hard work.

My partner is 50 and never had kids. To begin with, we ran the relationship very separately as neither wanted someone to massively impact our lives. But we fell madly in love and now lives with us and is excellent with the kids. However, the caveat was he has always taken his nieces and nephews away since they were 8 or so ( now all late teens). He likes kids but had never met anyone he wanted them with.

@JorisBonson aww that’s good to hear..there is hope!

@BigFatLiar I had children years ago, I did my time of sleepless nights also marriage etc. The men I’ve dated have never had that and it definitely had made them different and quite hard to feel like they want to settle. Maybe it is me!!

Before you consider taking on a man with kids when you don't, go and read the posts on the step parenting board!

Ok I clearly didn’t type my original message out properly!
i do have children but they are grown up and moved away so it felt easier to say I haven’t as they don’t impact who I date. Obviously they know about them when we meet but effectively I’m free to do what I want when I want.
what I’m trying to say is these men I meet have never had kids and there’s a reason for that and the ones I’ve met with how they behave.
i have dated men with children years ago when mine were younger, selfishly now I want to enjoy child free time and that seems to be hard to find in a man

I dated someone with no kids and he wasn't lazy to be fair to him but was very set in his ways and could be quite self centred.

I can understand it in a way I suppose if you've lived alone or with a partner for the last 20 years and never had to put other peoples needs ahead of your own the way that having children forces you to do.

He did used to moan a lot about being tired all the time though for no good reason which used to wind me up but think that might have just been him.

I wouldn’t do it

I am struggling with my partner for all the reasons u ladies have said.
He seems to have no get up and go .flat is messy and very set in his ways.
Things like he got something for his new hobby and he needs to sort a cupboard out to put it away instead of leaving it in his car .2 weeks later its still in his car.
Really am tempted to end it all as it's to much stress sometimes.

@easylikeasundaymorning yes you’ve worded it far better..I’m rubbish at trying to get my point across sometimes!

self centred and set in his ways was my main thing I found hard. I guess this is due to, as people have said not having responsibility’s.

Maybe you would be better off to date someone who also has grown up kids OP? It's quite different life experiences if you've had to take care of kids or not so you're bound to notice differences. Some 40s single men will be fine, but I've also dated the 'eternal bachelor' type who in his head is about 24

I don’t think the being lazy and expecting women to do all the work for them thing is in any way the preserve of only childless men. There are a lot of men who fit that description.

Many of them may well find themselves single in their 40s.

I guess the tiny upside the the childless ones is that they’re only looking for a PA/Housekeeper with benefits rather than the nanny/PA/housekeeper package so many of the ones with children are.

They won’t all be like this obviously. But many of them are.

I’m a childless man , and to be honest my honest is cleaner and more tidy than women I’ve dated recently, one did comment my place was a “a bit Spartan “, but then I thought her place was a pig sty, 🤷🏼‍♂️

I married him. He just never met the right person until us. I am expecting our second baby right now. He is in no way a man child. He is a great husband and father. We are a team. My ex on the other hand is the definition of a man child. Even the simplest task for his child can’t be done. I used to talk him through and remind him of things but life is too short to be dealing with that shit.
Sometimes people are single for a reason and sometimes they just didn’t find a good match.

Depends on the reason I guess.

I have a friend in his late 30s, had a vasectomy in his 20s because he knew he didn't want children. He is very house proud, very reliable, very mature, had been in good, long term relationships.

My DH for example, if I were to divorce him or die, doesn't have children because I can't. Again he is responsible, mature, capable of pulling his own weight in a relationship.

There are however plenty of men who have children who are terrible parents, lazy partners, selfish, set in their ways etc. You only have to look on this specific board to see plenty of examples.

The issue is less to do with whether they have had children or not and much more to do with what they are like as people.

Thinking back over my experiences... its not really rational but having a child was so central to my life that I found the men I dated without kids just seemed to be missing a lens in their understanding of me and tbh of life itself. Maybe I was afraid they would ultimately resent me for stealing their opportunity for kids too.

If you're looking online then chances are some of the single men, even at 40, are looking for someone to have children with. Despite what's on another thread many men do want children.

what I’m trying to say is these men I meet have never had kids and there’s a reason for that and the ones I’ve met with how they behave.

This sounds a bit judgemental, like they're people no one would want. I've mentioned before we have several life long single male friends and they are nice people its just the young women they met when they were dating weren't very nice, so they gave up and focused on enjoying their own life. You may find that at 40 if they don't want children they may be happy with their own friends and why would they want to date.

selfishly now I want to enjoy child free time

Don't want to be a happy gandmother? Reality is your children are grown but you're still their mum, unless you've cut yourself of from them.

Thanks for your replies. Helpful to read.
As I said I’m not tarring all 40 yr old single men without children! But so far my experience with 2 out of 3 have been partially frustrating. Reading the above I’ve realised the ones I’ve met have been about themselves..sadly because I’ve been a mum and am very pro active I’ve found it left to me to be almost their mother.
cooking for example..they either can’t do it very well or can’t cook..I can and love it..so even when I suggest teaching a meal that ‘wow that was amazing you’ll have to teach me’ results in ‘ah you do it so much better’
I guess there’s no routine/responsibility because it’s only them..of which I can completely sympathise with now because
I’m the same!
sorry it’s turned into a rant that could fit many men..it’s hard to explain what I mean!

No children doesn’t automatically mean no responsibility.

This is about personality, not procreation. Plenty of men with kids act as if they have no responsibility for them at all.

Of the four I've dated in that category, one was so desperate for children that pressure started after about 6 weeks.

The other three were self-centred man babies who expected a housekeeper with sex thrown in. One was still living with his mum, and two had been married before, had basically relied on their wives to feed, cloth and organise their lives and were looking for a replacement.

None lasted more than 6 weeks. A bit depressing really.

Well I had zero interest in dating someone with children, no way was I going to compromise my child's life for someone else's children, I would rather be dingle for ever.

The childless man I am now with is loving, kind, generous, hard working and definitely does more for me than I do for him. He is as close to perfect as it gets tbh.

...single. Jesus bloody autocorrect.

@PurpleDaisies of course not. I’ve just been unlucky or it’s me!
@MintJulia I had the same with my last ex..daddy’s boy..expected everything funded for him and handed on a plate..sadly this crossed over to expecting the same from me and he would sulk/feel hard done by when I pulled him up.
@CalistoNoSolo that’s really good to hear! Personally I just don’t want to entertain someone else’s children when I’ve spent years doing it with my own. It’s time for me to almost feel ‘single’ in ways so selfishly I don’t want the possible ‘ex’ ‘babysitter issues’ ‘kids party’s’ etc getting in the way.

Hang on in there, good men without children definitely exist 🙂