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Original poster

Dating etiquette (online dating)

32 replies

Plethora1 · 30/07/2022 22:43

Good evening!

Just a question about dating etiquette! Thanks for reading!

I have been speaking to guy online and we’ve spoken on the phone, etc., and now he has invited me to get the train to where he’s based. But isn’t the done thing to meet in the middle? He seems like a nice genuine guy, but from my experience, a lot of men want you to come to them, near or at their houses, so they can more easily get you into bed. I’m in my 20s and he’s in his 30s if it matters. Do you think I should suggest something else instead?

OP posts:
Tania64 · 30/07/2022 22:49

Tell him to meet you where it suits you not him.

LooneyToon · 30/07/2022 22:52

Yh he needs to make some effort

TenderstemBroccoli · 30/07/2022 23:12

How far are you being expected to travel?

BiscoffSundae · 30/07/2022 23:16

I wouldn’t go

SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2022 23:20

If you want to meet in the middle, then suggest that. If you're going to OLD you need to work out your boundaries and assert them.

"Hey, train will take me 5 hours so do you fancy meeting central, so it's not such a long day?"

Done.

seaUrchinOne · 30/07/2022 23:21

At least halfway, in my experience if they are really keen they normally insist travelling closer to me. He sounds really lazy and like you say, maybe he's hoping you'll stay at his.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2022 23:21

Tania64 · 30/07/2022 22:49

Tell him to meet you where it suits you not him.

How does that work then?
He has to do as she demands but she doesn't in reverse? Surely the point is to compromise, not expect him to do as he's told because, penis

OnceAnElephant · 30/07/2022 23:22

Half way !!

weathervane1 · 30/07/2022 23:23

All of the above but with one small caveat... at least it might help confirm that he's not married or playing away from home, as so often happens when the bloke is reluctant to let you come to them. Whatever you plan, do it safely and follow the usual rules of public places, telling friends where you are, check in with them regularly including any change of plan etc.

Original poster
Plethora1 · 30/07/2022 23:30

@TenderstemBroccoli

Because I’m still learning to drive, it’ll be a bus, a tram and then 50 mins on the train. Yeah, probably won’t be doing that for a first date 😅 I definitely need to work on my boundaries, that’s what went so wrong last time I was online-dating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plethora1 · 30/07/2022 23:31

Yeah, that’s what I’m feeling. If/when he contacts again, I’ll suggest half-way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plethora1 · 30/07/2022 23:31

Plethora1 · 30/07/2022 23:31

Yeah, that’s what I’m feeling. If/when he contacts again, I’ll suggest half-way.

@seaUrchinOne

OP posts:
StClare101 · 30/07/2022 23:32

”Lets meet halfway. How about X restaurant in Y village?”

If he can’t be arsed then block and move on.

TenderstemBroccoli · 30/07/2022 23:33

Agree with all the other posters then who say meet in the middle. It would be a bit more understandable if he lived in a city (with more to do) and it was not a big trek for you, but sounds like he is just expecting you to make all the effort.

Addicted2luvIsland · 30/07/2022 23:36

Halfway

Original poster
Plethora1 · 30/07/2022 23:41

Yeah, to be honest, even though we’ve had a great conversation on the phone, it’s put me off him a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plethora1 · 30/07/2022 23:42

@TenderstemBroccoli Yeah, exactly. I live in Manchester, so if anything, I’m the one in the big city with more to do!

OP posts:
WatieKatie · 30/07/2022 23:43

When I was OLD most guys were happy to either meet halfway (always my suggestion) or some offered to come closer to where I live. However there was one that suggested I travel an hour to him for the first coffee date. It really put me off as it flagged him as lazy. I didn’t bother meeting him after that and moved on.

Suprima · 30/07/2022 23:45

Plethora1 · 30/07/2022 22:43

Good evening!

Just a question about dating etiquette! Thanks for reading!

I have been speaking to guy online and we’ve spoken on the phone, etc., and now he has invited me to get the train to where he’s based. But isn’t the done thing to meet in the middle? He seems like a nice genuine guy, but from my experience, a lot of men want you to come to them, near or at their houses, so they can more easily get you into bed. I’m in my 20s and he’s in his 30s if it matters. Do you think I should suggest something else instead?

Absofuckinglutely not

what a chancer

do not take the train to him.

meet in the middle, at most. If he should be coming to you.

he will try to get you to his flat, or is just incredibly lazy. Do you want to waste time on a man who would drag an online date to his home city?

you also have no idea he is a ‘nice genuine man’. He is a stranger. You need to not be won over by people so quickly unless they have demonstrated so.

ontmove · 30/07/2022 23:46

I'd probably want half way, or another convenient location, eg I went in a date with someone who lived near my work so we met up there after my shift ended.

If you do end up dating then you'll probably have to do that journey a lot though. I don't drive either so personally I only date people who live in my town or the city where I work because I know I don't want to do long complicated journeys all the time. You might want to think about if you'll be happy to do the journey a lot in the future if you do get into a relationship.

Suprima · 30/07/2022 23:46

Also don’t know why you are wasting time on men ten years older than you who don’t even live in your city

Tania64 · 30/07/2022 23:49

SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2022 23:21

How does that work then?
He has to do as she demands but she doesn't in reverse? Surely the point is to compromise, not expect him to do as he's told because, penis

Show quote history

???? because, penis.....what do you mean? :)

EarthSight · 30/07/2022 23:51

Plethora1 · 30/07/2022 23:31

Yeah, that’s what I’m feeling. If/when he contacts again, I’ll suggest half-way.

I wouldn't. It's up to you if you want to give him a second chance but it says quite a bit about him that he's suggested you come over. I'd say it was pretty clear he's just lazy or just wants sex. Ideally, you come over, have a nice time, maybe you're a bit tipsy, and you miss some of your transport links back home.....so what next? You stay in his house.

Joey69 · 31/07/2022 00:11

You should meet halfway, somewhere public.

BiscoffSundae · 31/07/2022 00:17

Are you sure you’re ready to date? You are planning on getting a bus a tram and a train to see someone you’ve never even met?🤦🏻 Then the same home? Or is he hoping you will stay over 😏