Dating etiquette (online dating)

[Plethora1]

Good evening!

Just a question about dating etiquette! Thanks for reading!

I have been speaking to guy online and we’ve spoken on the phone, etc., and now he has invited me to get the train to where he’s based. But isn’t the done thing to meet in the middle? He seems like a nice genuine guy, but from my experience, a lot of men want you to come to them, near or at their houses, so they can more easily get you into bed. I’m in my 20s and he’s in his 30s if it matters. Do you think I should suggest something else instead?

And he pays and then she has to put out, right? Things have changed since the 70s

No, he may pay and you do whatever the fuck you want. Although, ideally not ‘put out’, as again, he is a literal stranger

You think you’re calling out inequality by suggesting that women have to sex with men who make the merest amount of effort on a date- but it really isn’t true.

You’re the one stuck in the 70s if you think a bloke doing the travelling is entitled to sex because that’s what you get it you expect any basic courtesy from a man.

Women owe men nothing. Even if that man pays for a £500 dinner, or spends a bit longer on public transport.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. Yeah, I think I’m going to hold this dude at arm’s length for now.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

Update:

He ended up driving up to where I live, and there was nowhere open locally on a Monday evening so he came in for a glass of wine. At first he seemed nice enough and clearly intelligent, although a big red flag was that he spent a lot of time slagging off his ex. Anyway, I’d been really explicit that I wasn’t into casual sex and was interested in taking things very slowly, and anyway he started with some pretty forceful kisses and groping me. He then wondered whether he could stay the night. When I said ‘no’, he was out of the door almost immediately. He sent me a text a few minutes after leaving apologizing for being forward 🤷🏽‍♀️ A chancer indeed. I really give up with online dating: I don’t know how much more explicit I can be if I’m already telling people quite clearly that I don’t want casual sex and I want to take any relationship slowly. Any advice? 😭😭

Never invite a first date over, of course they'll think that's an invitation for sex.
Meet somewhere near you, must be a pub/restaurant open somewhere for a quick drink.

I didn't see your post until now OP.

Please don't invite a first date to your home again. There is always somewhere open for a first meet up, even a take away place has tables and coffee/drink options. Not only is it a safety risk at the time, but now he knows where you live.

And no, I would not take up an offer to be invited to travel the whole distance for a first meet up. Is that how he worded it, as if so is he trying to make out you are oh so special for getting an invite from him, yet you need to be doing all the travelling. Going forward, remember the saying, what you condone, sets the tone. Did he only agree to travel to you because he realised you had stepped back a bit?

If you are after a FB then this arrangement may work. But if you are looking for a long term relationship, he doesn't sound like a keeper.