Refusing to wash up

[shuz1980]

Partner works a physical demanding job. Im currently on mat leave. With 3 children at home. I do 99% taking care of the children, 99% of cooking 99% of all other house work and 100% of washing the dishes. He 'blames' his job for not helping because he's 'shattered and aching' all the time. We had an argument about me being tired and can he help with the washing up today because i did the cooking again and He said no because 'they are not all his dirty dishes. 'He'll just wash the ones he's ate off'. Im really angry that he is putting himself first when im so tired. He prioritises himself all the time and im really starting to resent him.

What is the point of him?

He sounds absolutely ridiculous, he'll just wash his own plates?! Arse!

He sounds like an arse. Fuck him.

If he's going to behave like that then leave him to cook his own meals too. Then he will only have his own dishes to wash up.

A family should be a unit, whereby everyone chips in and helps out. He's being churlish, and at a basic level he should want to input into the family chores because he loves you & respects, and you've said you need him to contribute more.

(I do not use the word help, as I believe personally, that's used by women too much, and indicates that it's our job in the first place, as opposed to a shared responsibility which is how I see it)

So they are shared kids, shared house, shared chores. They are his kids too.. so he should jolly well contribute too.

He wouldn't have to wash up his own dishes because I wouldn't be cooking anything for him to make them dirty.

He said no because 'they are not all his dirty dishes. 'He'll just wash the ones he's ate off'.

He's not too tired to pitch in. He just sees it all as your job.

My theory is that men with wives and children don't get to do LESS work based on that. So the absolute bare minimum is what they would have done if you didn't exist. He'd have to eat, have clothes to wear, not live in filth. He'd be working full-time anyway. Why does having a partner mean he's off the hook for all housework? It doesn't.

If he wants to be like that I'd not wash his clothes, cook for him, anything. And get back to work as soon as possible.

Well he is a fuckwit. And my problem with this scenario isn't the dishes, it's that him being unwilling to do his share here is indicative of deeper disregard for you. He will was his own plates only? Fuck him . Tell him if he only wants to wash his own plates he can fucking leave and wash his own shit alone in his own little bachelor pad.

MHe said no because 'they are not all his dirty dishes. 'He'll just wash the ones he's ate off'

Pathetic.

My 13 year old tries that line. He's an immature teenager. I don't let him away with it.

Your DH is an adult. And a moron.

Dump him, buy a dishwasher.

Sorted.

Throw him out then he can wash just his own dishes every day. Plus the kids' when he had them by himself.

Adults who want to eat should share in the shopping cooking and washing up at least until there is equality of time off. As you are currently housing and growing a baby you get no time off ,ergo if he has a single minute 'off' he's already ahead of the game and should get off his arse and do it.

If you dont cook for him then he wont ever need to wash his own dishes again. How old are your children, hes an embarrassment.

What an arsehole

Maybe he'd like to cook his own food and wash his own clothes too?
I'd seriously just stop doing anything for him until he gets his head out of his arse.

Just don't cook for him or do his washing if he wants it like that.

I cook, DH washes up. Or vice versa. We do things for each other, and it is appreciated by both of us.

Having a partner should make your life easier. If he's making it harder, you'd be better if without him.

off without him.

Jeez, even when I was living in student accommodation I didn’t behave like that!!

I certainly don’t act that way towards family members.

Talk about selfish. Let him cook his own food.

I agree, let him cook his own meals, wash his own clothes, and skip the "fuck him" (lol) until he starts doing his share of the work around home. Tell him he can give himself a hand job. Stop the fucking and having kids with this asshole.

Stop doing anything for him. He does not respect you or your family unit. A family is meant to be a team. He is not being part of the team. He's selfish and you deserve much better.

Don't cook for him again.

Now, I don't do dishes. At all. And I refuse to ever do them. But that's why we have a dish washer.

In your case, your husband is fucking useless. You would be doing the same amount of things (arguably less because you're not making his dinner and doing his laundry etc) and would be less stressed if you got rid. I did that, and it was an enormous relief.

And get a dishwasher when he's gone.

And yet you had three wains with him, I suspect his attitude didn’t just begin last week.
Honestly some women on this site are their own worst enemy.

He's disrespectful. I think him condescending to wash only his own plates etc somehow manages to be even more offensive than a flat refusal to do all the washing up. When you get down to that level of division of chores it starts getting very petty and very mean. In fact it's micro-meanness.