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Original poster

Refusing to wash up

43 replies

shuz1980 · 30/07/2022 18:19

Partner works a physical demanding job. Im currently on mat leave. With 3 children at home. I do 99% taking care of the children, 99% of cooking 99% of all other house work and 100% of washing the dishes. He 'blames' his job for not helping because he's 'shattered and aching' all the time. We had an argument about me being tired and can he help with the washing up today because i did the cooking again and He said no because 'they are not all his dirty dishes. 'He'll just wash the ones he's ate off'. Im really angry that he is putting himself first when im so tired. He prioritises himself all the time and im really starting to resent him.

OP posts:
Blendiful · 30/07/2022 23:24

shuz1980 · 30/07/2022 18:19

Partner works a physical demanding job. Im currently on mat leave. With 3 children at home. I do 99% taking care of the children, 99% of cooking 99% of all other house work and 100% of washing the dishes. He 'blames' his job for not helping because he's 'shattered and aching' all the time. We had an argument about me being tired and can he help with the washing up today because i did the cooking again and He said no because 'they are not all his dirty dishes. 'He'll just wash the ones he's ate off'. Im really angry that he is putting himself first when im so tired. He prioritises himself all the time and im really starting to resent him.

On that logic then, make sure you only cook your meals, do your washing and cleaning. He can do all his own stuff. Problem solved

mindutopia · 30/07/2022 23:25

Being at home with children is way more exhausting than working outside the home (I say this having done both). Dh runs a company with 10 employees to manage and does physically demanding work as he needs to be there supervising employees who are also doing it. When we both aren’t working, we share the load 50/50. Sometimes one of us is sitting down with dc, but certainly neither of us is refusing to cook or clean because we worked all week. Because how else do working families survive? Except in your case, you’re probably more tired because being at home is far more draining. How about he takes some annual leave and does it all for a week?

butterfly990 · 30/07/2022 23:40

If that is his rationale then a proportion of the pots and pans is also his to wash. Simple maths innit. Twat! Is what he is

Brigante9 · 30/07/2022 23:45

So if he will only wash up his dishes, you should be doing absolutely nothing for him, no washing, cooking, picking up after him, no admin, nothing. What the fuck is the point of him, to echo a pp?!

Canabelievethis · 31/07/2022 02:32

How pathetic he sounds.

Don't wash his clothing, by food or cook for him etc. After a few days he'll wake up and be at the sink in a jiffy.

Diawemma · 31/07/2022 02:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

timeisnotaline · 31/07/2022 03:10

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2022 18:29

He said no because 'they are not all his dirty dishes. 'He'll just wash the ones he's ate off'.

He's not too tired to pitch in. He just sees it all as your job.

My theory is that men with wives and children don't get to do LESS work based on that. So the absolute bare minimum is what they would have done if you didn't exist. He'd have to eat, have clothes to wear, not live in filth. He'd be working full-time anyway. Why does having a partner mean he's off the hook for all housework? It doesn't.

If he wants to be like that I'd not wash his clothes, cook for him, anything. And get back to work as soon as possible.

This- having a wife and baby does not mean you now do less than a single man. He sounds like my 4yo ‘I didn’t get it dirty!! It was my brother! Waaaah!’

Zofloraqueen27 · 31/07/2022 05:48

Tell him to wash or dry his own pants because you don’t wear them, wash or dry his own towels because you did not get them wet - don’t cook him food because you are not going to eat it……and on… What a pathetic partner he is and such an awful role model to his children.

hesttreat · 31/07/2022 07:46

They're not all his dishes? Is he 5?

hesttreat · 31/07/2022 07:47

They're not all his dishes? Is he 5?

christmas2022 · 31/07/2022 10:47

Why are men such selfish dicks.

Not all men.

Soubriquet · 31/07/2022 10:49

In that case, he can wash HIS dirty clothes. He can cook HIS food. He can wash HIS dishes.

Anything he wants or needs, he can do.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 31/07/2022 10:59

I’d be a bit careful with the idea of telling him he should be doing his own washing, cooking etc, because presumably he isn’t asking you to go out and earn the money that pays for the food you eat because he’s tired after doing his share of that. It works both ways, and matching his pettiness with some of your own isn’t going to provide a solution to this.

CatsAreCrackers · 31/07/2022 11:12

You both work during the day. Just because yours is in the home and unpaid does not make it any less meaningful or tiring. When you are both in the house, all chores should be 50/50.

I'd sit him down and ask him why he thinks differently. Why does he think he can clock off when he gets home and not help with the childcare and household stuff but you have to carry on. Ask him what would he think if you were to only cook and wash for yourself and the children. If he is aching all the time, then a trip to the doctor's to check things out and get some appropriate pain relief would be a good idea. Or maybe he needs to think of looking for a less strenuous job. But no amount of aching or tiredness stops you from being part of a team.

Then, if he didn't see the problem and shape up I'd be shipping out!

rainbowstardrops · 31/07/2022 11:35

I wouldn't be doing anything for him. Full stop. See how tired he is then. Prick.

oobeedoobee · 31/07/2022 17:53

I'd be telling him that if that was his attitude to it, then I'D NEVER be cooking/ shopping/ doing laundry etc for HIM again ! EVER !

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/07/2022 18:00

ClocksGoingBackwards · 31/07/2022 10:59

I’d be a bit careful with the idea of telling him he should be doing his own washing, cooking etc, because presumably he isn’t asking you to go out and earn the money that pays for the food you eat because he’s tired after doing his share of that. It works both ways, and matching his pettiness with some of your own isn’t going to provide a solution to this.

She's doing all the childcare so he can. If he doesn't know that's important, he's past saving.

DemelzaandRoss · 31/07/2022 19:40

Useless, pathetic individual.
How childish.
Get rid of him asap. This must be the last straw for you.

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