He’s left me and our 2 year old

[LottiePa]

DH and I haven’t had the best few years of our relationship, through having a premature baby who nearly died and who has some health issues, then covid, lockdown etc. we’ve been going through stages of bickering and arguing and then being ok and then it starting again.

We had a disagreement on Wednesday evening and he came home on Thursday said he didn’t want to do this anymore and packed a bag and left.

He’s blocked me on everything. He didn’t pick DS (almost 3) up from nursery yesterday like he always does and didn’t contact me to say he wasn’t go to.

I haven’t heard from him at all.

I don’t know where he is. Or when or if he plans on getting in touch to see DS and I’m just finding it really hard to not break down in front of our Son.

I’m so cross that he just gets to walk away without a thought for me or DS. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told anyone and am just struggling through Saturday without falling apart until my Son goes to bed this evening.

So he wants a break ? I bet he does just in time for his 6 day break ! And of course if things work out he will stay with her, if they don't he will come crawling back to you. In his head he won't have cheated as you had already split. Don't be taken for a mug

There’s a lot of very selfish behaviour here from your DP! He knows he’s wrong, but he did it anyway… I’m so sorry you’ve had a tough time of it, now you know what this guy is made of. Not sure if I’d be giving him another chance at this point.

So he could have texted you, phoned, emailed you to tell you he wouldn't be picking up ds but he called your office where as he could have predicted, you didn't get the message?

I don't think i could easily forgive him failing to pick up the child. By all means, have an issue with your relationship but don't drag the child into it.

Absolutely try couples therapy.

Whether you stay together or split there is so much you've both been through that is unresolved.

It will either make you stronger and be a team again or better co-parents.

Glad he's okay OP, but the thing is, now you know what he's capable of. I couldn't get past this in a relationship. He has treated you and your son very badly indeed and I wouldn't like to live with the dread of knowing that he could abandon and ghost you again.

That's a piss poor excuse if ever I heard one. Left a msg at work when you are WFH?

And he'd leave your DS in the lurch like that? He didn't think, oh wait, I'll go, because maybe my WIFE didn't get my lazy ass message about not picking up my son?

What if you'd have decided you wanted an impromptu six day break? Not picked DS up? Cos you thought he was going to?

Your son would have now been in the care of social services

He should have communicated with you directly. Leaving a message at your work is unacceptable.

I would be worried he wants to be "on a break" while he on the stag do so he can behave how he likes.

What a shitty excuse that he left a message at work.
I imagine he didn’t want to speak to you so decide to go for the messag on desk solution. As if he couldn’t have unblocked you and sent you a text to be sure some one was going to pick up HIS son.
What a shit of father he is showing up to be.

As for the ‘well if you wanted to go away for 6 days, I’d have no issues with that’ I have big doubts tbh.
He clearly thinks leaving YOU in the lurch, with no notice, is something you can cope with. And is somehow acceptable ‘because he was struggling’. But would he if the table was turned??

Oh fuck, NO!

Aside from the rest, which is a massive piss take and really childish, not picking up DS and not making SURE YOU KNEW (mobile!?) would be it for me.

He is doing this to get his own way and deflect the heat away from the stag do lies..... Pathetic.

Oh fuck, NO

Aside from the rest, which is a massive piss take and really childish, not picking up DS and not making SURE YOU KNEW (mobile!?) would be it for me.

He is doing this to get his own way and deflect the heat away from the stag do lies..... Pathetic!

Soft play?!?! Does he have any idea how hard the past few days have been for you?

Same here.
Always said cheaters were scumbags ...lo and behold he was doing exactly that to me

Men who usually make a big deal about not being cheaters, are usually cheaters. My experience too. I hope it's not the case for you, op.
But the timing does seem convenient, right before his trip away

Maybe this is the line in the sand. Maybe this is your rock bottom together and a wake up call that things need to improve or your lives take drastic turns.

Considering everything, I would try counselling.

My twins were premature and I can empathise with your situation. The trauma of a premature birth and all NICU and PND entails. It caused havoc on our relationship for a while. But it did get better in time when we both realised we wanted it to work.

Good luck. Please don't feel embarrassed about the past few days. No one's relationship is perfect. You both now need to decide how much you want it to work, for the future, not just now x

Call the office reception and ask for him (block your number before ringing). You can even ask is so and so in the office today pls? Then you'll know. Say who you are it won't matter