Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Engagement rings

66 replies

Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 20:19

Is it really that unusual for the woman to be involved in choosing her engagement ring? I helped choose mine 11 years ago and it seems my husband has an issue with this. My daughter was asking about my ring & he got really moody. I feel sad he resents me having a nice ring that I enjoy wearing. I have no other jewellery at all. I said that to him and it seems like he has a problem that I was involved in choosing what I’d like. I feel deeply hurt and sad.

OP posts:
Blofield · 27/07/2022 20:42

Depends - some men will choose the ring and propose, others will talk about getting married and have an idea of what their intended likes and others will choose the ring together. I like the man chooses and it’s s surprise proposal option but then gain I was engaged at 18 and my now ex said I have £70 what ring do you want. TBH the relationship died a few months later.

RainbowsMoonbeams · 27/07/2022 20:44

Did you pick a really expensive ring and he is still holding a grudge over it?

I chose mine and my DH and I were both happy with that decision.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 27/07/2022 20:52

We chose mine together. Out of my friends and family I'd say its 50/50.
What is his real problem with it?

Original poster
Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 20:53

RainbowsMoonbeams · 27/07/2022 20:44

Did you pick a really expensive ring and he is still holding a grudge over it?

I chose mine and my DH and I were both happy with that decision.

Well I thought we chose it together. We certainly went together and both liked it. I don’t know what counts as expensive, I guess different for everyone, but I have no other jewellery and we’re not hard up now so I feel sad if he has a grudge about that. Why would it even be a thing now??

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 27/07/2022 20:55

I don’t understand why someone would want their wife to potentially wear something they don’t like.

I chose my ring

Original poster
Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 20:56

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 27/07/2022 20:52

We chose mine together. Out of my friends and family I'd say its 50/50.
What is his real problem with it?

He said it’s controlling that I chose it myself. Personally I think it’s more controlling that he thinks he should have full choice over what I wear on my finger for the rest of my life!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2022 20:56

I'd be confronting him to ask what on earth the fucking problem is. He sounds ridiculous.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2022 20:57

Crosspost... Controlling?!

Your husband is a massive twat. This can't be the only thing he gets "moody" about.

TemperTrap · 27/07/2022 20:59

He sounds like a sulky twat. I'd be tempted to sell it and treat myself to a weekend without his miserable face.

2pinkginsplease · 27/07/2022 20:59

Dh chose my ring, 23 years ago. I love it, I would possibly have chosen a slightly bigger stone however he got the style just perfect for me,

For one of my big birthdays he bought me my “dream ring” which we went shopping for together.

ImAvingOops · 27/07/2022 20:59

He's being a dick - it's totally normal to choose your own ring. I mean, why wouldn't you? You are going to wear it for the rest of your life - are you supposed to just cross your fingers and hope for the best?

I find it quite sexist that a man thinks he should get more say than a woman in the choice of something that she will wear forever.
I think serious words need to be had with your dh if he's sulking after all this time over something that you had every right and reason to choose.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 27/07/2022 21:02

You're absolutely right there, you have to wear it so you get to pick.
In fact I know someone I worked with years ago who didn't like her ring and changed it.
With the young ones who have gotten engaged in the office more recently, there seems to be a trend of a promise ring - a cheap ring for the proposal, and then they go together to buy the real engagement ring.

Original poster
Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 21:06

I don’t understand either. I don’t get it, it’s 11 years later - why can’t he be pleased that I still really like it??

OP posts:
easyday · 27/07/2022 21:06

We chose mine together.

Original poster
Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 21:07

Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2022 20:56

I'd be confronting him to ask what on earth the fucking problem is. He sounds ridiculous.

I did. He “doesn’t want to talk about it”. Apparently I’m the one making a big deal out of it by wanting to know what his problem is…

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 27/07/2022 21:07

I always thought I'd want to choose my own ring, then DH picked one for me that was perfect.

Funkykitty · 27/07/2022 21:07

Hes been a real twat and quiet childish.

Original poster
Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 21:09

Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2022 20:57

Crosspost... Controlling?!

Your husband is a massive twat. This can't be the only thing he gets "moody" about.

It’s not and I’m rapidly having enough 😢 If I’m honest I’m disappointed he hasn’t chosen me one nice piece of jewellery since - and he seems to resent the one thing I do have…

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 21:09

TemperTrap · 27/07/2022 20:59

He sounds like a sulky twat. I'd be tempted to sell it and treat myself to a weekend without his miserable face.

Seriously tempted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 21:10

Funkykitty · 27/07/2022 21:07

Hes been a real twat and quiet childish.

I’ve taken it off and put it away. I’ve lost my love for it tonight. If he doesn’t even want me to have it and somehow resents it… feel very sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 21:12

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 27/07/2022 21:02

You're absolutely right there, you have to wear it so you get to pick.
In fact I know someone I worked with years ago who didn't like her ring and changed it.
With the young ones who have gotten engaged in the office more recently, there seems to be a trend of a promise ring - a cheap ring for the proposal, and then they go together to buy the real engagement ring.

Well that’s what we did. He bought me a cheap thing (like £20) to propose with and then he was going away for work for a few months and when he got back we chose the real one… apparently he thought the cheap one was it… I think he’s misremembering. And that I was being spoilt wanting another one…

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 21:13

Thanks for all your support everyone. I feel rubbish tonight. Sobbing reading all your kind responses xxx

OP posts:
OperaStation · 27/07/2022 21:15

Snowdrop89 · 27/07/2022 20:56

He said it’s controlling that I chose it myself. Personally I think it’s more controlling that he thinks he should have full choice over what I wear on my finger for the rest of my life!

Show quote history

You chose a ring that you would wear so he’s essentially suggesting that you’re controlling yourself. Had he chosen the ring without you being allowed any input then he would have been controlling you.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2022 21:16

That ring is just the tip of this iceberg, isn't it? Perhaps you need to think about your future and what you want from it.

redhearts · 27/07/2022 21:17

My DH couldn't choose what I'd like for lunch never mind my engagement ring.

Swipe left for the next trending thread