Son wants to fight in Ukraine ! how do i stop him!

[skyblueeyez]

i blame his nan for putting all these stories of patriotism in his head. Her father fought for the Spanish in their civil war (and claims he met George Orwell their! dont know if thats a tall story) and she keeps telling them how Putin is the new Hitler and Crimea is meant to be the new sudenland austria or something. she fills his head with stories my grandad and brothers who were caught by the italians, casserine, or monto casino or somewhere in the desert war and had their ships hit.

He's 22, and i have another son 20 and i've raised them mostly alone as a single mother during the last 10 years. it was extremely tough i worked nights shifts, lunch lady, doing door to door avon. their dad left them and he had racked up a massive phone bill that i had to pay off.

part of it is the 22 yo has been on stags to eastern europe and reckons he "must do his bit" he's always outgoing helping people and is really into his martial arts thingy he does. he qualified as a mechanic but is hopping from one place to another at the mo. he's got mates that are from poland i think in his karate/fighting class and really loves their culture, always going on drinking partying with them.

its absolutely awful with whats going on over their and i fully support europe getting together to stop this maniac. but he's my son and even when he stays out friday nights i can't sleep a wink until he comes home. also i must mention one of his mate is black and god forbid if he got captured by them monsters and what they'd do to him. he's like a son to me and is always around our place.

obviously we can't control our children or tie them in up chains but i think i can persuade him not to go as he's not booked any flights or really prepared.

i said today "thank you very fking much nan you and your uncle arthur stories"
she just grumbled in her chair.

any ideas i'm at my wits end. imagine if the worst did happen. last night i couldnt sleep tossing and turning. i called his dad and he didn't seem really interested and said "nah he aint gonna do it he aint got the bottle".

@skyblueeyez I figured it would be a long shot! Not many his age are going to listen eagerly to a philosophy podcast.

I really feel for you, throw everything you can at it to distract him, I think that’s what I’d do, it might be all you can do. He wasn’t argued into it so he probably won’t be argued out of it unfortunately. He probably needs something else to capture his imagination, or make him feel like a “grown up” (I know he is one but I think a lot of young people under 30 struggle to find their adult role in life) hopefully something will appear on the horizon sooner rather than later

😂😂funniest comment i've read, thanks. i don't think he needs any encouragement with me telling him to go to such places.

OP you sound lovely, I too have a son who was saying the same things at the beginning. Thank God he seemed to have seen sense, good luck and tell Nan to button it bless her xx

thanks, just shows the toxic masculinity out their. i reckon he feels the need to prove himself that he's all grown up and a "man" now. he's really lovely to have around always doing bits of DIY, helping around the house. without having their dad around most of their lives he feels he must live up to some expectation.

Ignore the FSB bot (that will 80% be a Russian posting)

As has been said many times, an untrained Brit going to fight is a disaster - they will be a liability to other soldiers and if they're captured the Russians will think all their Christmases have come at once.

The problem is him thinking he needs to 'be a man'. Can you have a word with his nan and explain the situation now is nothing like the Spanish Civil War? Plus, there are many ways to help Ukrainians here - teaching English, running integration programmes, etc. Get him to help with those, and hide his passport. If you really think he will go, you could let the border agency know to stop him if he tries to leave

As Kenny Rogers sang "son, you don't have to fight to be a man". The greatest expectation he should place on himself as a man is to support his loved ones emotionally and financially, to repay you in kind the motherly love, compassion and sacrifice you've selflessly invested in him over the past 22 years. He can't do that from a mortuary slab or a jail cell which is invariably where men end up if they seek out violent confrontation. Fighting doesn't make you a man, it makes you a mug.

Ukraine needs money far more than it needs manpower. It has millions of fighting age men and plenty of willing and capable women it can mobilise if it just had the equipment to do so. If he wants to help so much that he is prepared to lay down his life on the battlefield then he'd surely be willing to lay down a hefty chunk of his wages every month to help fund Ukraine's war effort or assist the millions of displaced refugees. Except he won't because it's all just a childish fantasy founded on naïve ignorance of what war really is and what negligible value he could bring as a combatant.