Son wants to fight in Ukraine ! how do i stop him!

[skyblueeyez]

i blame his nan for putting all these stories of patriotism in his head. Her father fought for the Spanish in their civil war (and claims he met George Orwell their! dont know if thats a tall story) and she keeps telling them how Putin is the new Hitler and Crimea is meant to be the new sudenland austria or something. she fills his head with stories my grandad and brothers who were caught by the italians, casserine, or monto casino or somewhere in the desert war and had their ships hit.

He's 22, and i have another son 20 and i've raised them mostly alone as a single mother during the last 10 years. it was extremely tough i worked nights shifts, lunch lady, doing door to door avon. their dad left them and he had racked up a massive phone bill that i had to pay off.

part of it is the 22 yo has been on stags to eastern europe and reckons he "must do his bit" he's always outgoing helping people and is really into his martial arts thingy he does. he qualified as a mechanic but is hopping from one place to another at the mo. he's got mates that are from poland i think in his karate/fighting class and really loves their culture, always going on drinking partying with them.

its absolutely awful with whats going on over their and i fully support europe getting together to stop this maniac. but he's my son and even when he stays out friday nights i can't sleep a wink until he comes home. also i must mention one of his mate is black and god forbid if he got captured by them monsters and what they'd do to him. he's like a son to me and is always around our place.

obviously we can't control our children or tie them in up chains but i think i can persuade him not to go as he's not booked any flights or really prepared.

i said today "thank you very fking much nan you and your uncle arthur stories"
she just grumbled in her chair.

any ideas i'm at my wits end. imagine if the worst did happen. last night i couldnt sleep tossing and turning. i called his dad and he didn't seem really interested and said "nah he aint gonna do it he aint got the bottle".

Have you seen the thread on here this week about the army recruits? Get him to read that if it turns out they need military training.
He doesn't have to fight to help people. They're are plenty of other ways.
Feel for you though I too would be worried sick. There's a big difference between talking about it and actually doing it so hopefully he'll see sense soon.

I completely understand why your son wants to fight. I do think that Putin needs to be stopped as a matter of urgency. But the romantic visions in your son's head are far from the reality on the ground.

Most localities in UK have some sort of help for Ukraine organisation that he could join - the one round here has a huge warehouse that is full of stuff that refugees here can go to and get stuff they need - and they also drive vans to take stuff over to the refugee camps in neighbouring countries, which might appeal to him as more active.

Tell the family to zip the lip and stop filling him with romantic Saviour notions and putting his life at risk. Research things he can do that are sensible and helpful, then present these new ideas to him.

God, it reminds me of all the lads who went to the first world war full of notions of derring-do - makes you sick.

Tell him he’ll have to be able to speak Ukrainian so he can take orders. Better start learning now.
He’ll also need to be VERY fit so should start immediately running 20k minimum each night.
Hide his passport/ cut it up or burn it. It’s taking ages to get replacements.

No matter how desperate things are the last thing the Ukrainians will want are clueless amateurs.

This

How old is his nan that she has brothers that fought in the Spanish Civil War?! It ended 81 years ago...

They wouldnt take him and he wouldnt last 2 hours before he came home if he went.

Too right you arnt an expert, Blodyn. People like you often hide behind 'look up the history' so you can be all vague, but in this situation the history backs up Ukraine even more. in russia 'nazi' simply means anybody who fights against Russia. Russian separatists contain several neo nazi groups you lot never seem as keen to talk about, or the fact that Zelensky is jewish whilst supposedly also a nazi. Take a little look at the Rusich and the Russian Imperial Movement groups for starters. Bundeswehr intelligence especially has identidied large amounts of far right nationalist groups operating as Russian mercenaries in the Wagner group and alongside its separatists. The Right Sector, Ukraines far right political party got 2% of votes in the last election

There has been the Pale of Settlement, the mass ethnic cleansing of tartars, the Holodomor and the mass forced resettlement of ukrainians in siberia commited in Ukraine by russia in even just the last 100 years. Still they havnt had enough and come back into a finally independent country to murder and steal again.

OP said it was the nan's father and his brothers.

Exactly. They probably won't take him anyway. Two dudes I know of tried to do the same, and they had even done one year of military service, but they did not qualify (arriving in Ukraine drunk as skunks might have had something to do with that).

Ukraine needs supplies, weapons, and perhaps EXPERIENCED soldiers. They don't need kids who go there to have an adventure or to follow their ideals and end up needing rescued (thus tying up forces and resources from other things) or worse.

Quite surprised noone's mentioned it's illegal and he could face prosecution on his (uncertain) return.

There are so many other things he could do to help. Ukraine doesn’t need naive, untrained young guys - they’re a liability.

As someone untrained and British, he’s just a liability- Russia is v keen to capture Brits and other nationalities as bargaining chips.

Agree with PPs that he could volunteer to help refugees or else join the army.

I admire his pluck and his wanting to get involved but he needs to think about where he’s actually most useful.

Just tell your son to ask Ukrainians what he can best do to help aged 22 with no army training and unfamiliarity with basic or complex weapons. They have no time to train people who (a) aren't qualified or (b) don't know the country or (c) don't speak the language. And keep calm.

As someone with no training, my familiarity with warfare or weapons usage, he will not only be endangering himself but other troops.

They can't babysit people and he will most likely out then in danger with his inexperience. It's war, not call of duty, people get killed

I wouldn't be surprised if Welshname is an FSB propaganda bot. The Russians spend a lot of time scouring forums and social media for any mention of Ukraine.

Destroy your son's passport.

mum was born in 1942. she mentions stories about her dad and uncles who fought in spain and w2. sorry probably my crappy way of explaining it.

interesting how they chose a welsh name 🙂and to come on mumsnet too with it!

@skyblueeyez is he otherwise socially conscious? Would he be open to alternative moral arguments?
If so, it might be interested in this podcast episode Philosophy and War- moral exploitation
Or you could give him War and Gender by Goldstein to read.

Bit of a long shot I know but might help him to think of the “use” of young men in war as a bit less glamorous and a bit more like what it is in part at least: exploitation of youthful naivety by older, richer, members of society who know better than to actually put themselves on the frontline.

thanks everyone, i've mentioned all this to him but do these kids ever listen grrr!!
hopefully even if he goes ahead with it they'll send him back. the silly boy.
i think all these stories that nan's dad and uncles were some cool indiana jones characters have all gone to his head!

thanks for this, unfortunately he's not blessed in the academic departments.
i doubt he's got the patients to listen a "pod cast" it would hurt his brain listening to an intellectual educated person explaining something in big words!

Agree with PP who say destroy his passport.

Tell him to go to Ibiza instead. Much more fun.