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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've got to tell him I've got issues

28 replies

CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 15:37

Been with someone 8 months. He's lovely. I do have depression and recently I'm spiralling. When this happens I become withdrawn and obsessive. We're going to talk tonight I've got to tell him what's wrong with me basically.

OP posts:
Shgytfgtf111 · 27/07/2022 15:40

You dont have issues, you have depression,

Just tell him the truth :)

Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 15:42

I don't want to

OP posts:
Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 15:46

How can I explain? I'm becoming very obsessive about thigs I can't change.

OP posts:
LightandMomentary · 27/07/2022 15:49

Hi OP, that's rough. I think that the previous poster is correct and whether you want to or not, your boyfriend deserves to know why you might behave in a certain way that's unusual for you. Hopefully he'll understand and appreciate having had your situation explained to him. xx

Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 15:52

Ok

OP posts:
LightandMomentary · 27/07/2022 15:54

xx

Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 17:38

I've seriously got to tell him I hate my life .?

OP posts:
LightandMomentary · 27/07/2022 17:51

OP, you have 3 choices really:


  1. Don't tell him anything but he will know that something is wrong if he knows you at all.

  2. Tell him that you're going through a rough patch, you get a bit withdrawn and obsessive but you'll come out of the other side and will get better again.

  3. Tell him the full story.


Personally, I would tell him 2, as if you're unsure of his reaction, it's the 'safer' option. Only you can decide though.
I hope it goes well, whatever you decide. x

layladomino · 27/07/2022 18:02

You have to tell him something. Either he's already noticed you're suffering at the moment, or he will do very soon. If you aren't honest then it will create unnecessary uncertainty. He could think you've gone off him or you're just being cruel. Problems in your relationship won't help your frame of mind.

Not telling him will make it worse. Whereas telling him could make things better for you, and will certainly be the fairer thing for him.

You don't have to tell him everything. Exactly how much you confide is up to you. But you can't tell him nothing, then be withdrawn / obsessive and expect him not to notice, or to just put up with it and not ask questions.

If he leaves you (not saying he will at all) because you have depression, then you're better off without him. So you have nothing to lose.

Ihatethenewlook · 27/07/2022 18:04

CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 17:38

I've seriously got to tell him I hate my life .?

No? Do you actually hate your life, or just your mental illness? He’s a part of your life. Do you hate him too?

Limecoconutice · 27/07/2022 18:10

Just tell him simply, “look, in case you are wondering, this is not you, it’s me. I get depressed from time to time and when I do, I withdraw. It’s not anything you have done”

And then it might be good to
add in the things you are doing to combat the depression such as : exercising, meds, counselling, reducing alcohol intake, if you are doing any of those things. That demonstrates that you are dealing with it and you don’t expect anything extra from him, just to be understanding for a while.

dcadmamagain · 27/07/2022 18:11

I had a full mental breakdown 2 months after meeting someone.

told him I was struggling needed some time and switched my phone off.
2 weeks later I rang him and he said hey dcadmam is back!

5 years later I’m still with him.

tell him about your Illness - if he’s a good one he’ll wait x

Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 19:04

Alot of it is situational and I can't change it so its not an illness really.

OP posts:
OldFan · 27/07/2022 19:11

@CathyTheQueen You need to see your doctor of course. There are numerous things they can try that you won't have tried before.

Even if it's situational, there are things they can do which will help you deal with the situation.

If I were you I'd see your doctor and start some treatment first, then you can tell your boyf that you've been a bit down etc but you've started a new treatment.

Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 19:13

I'm struggling with disliking motherhood, feeling guilty because I'm lucky, feeling guilty he's an only child and feeling regret that I'm stuck to my ex now for years.

OP posts:
WidgetDigit2022 · 27/07/2022 19:20

CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 19:13

I'm struggling with disliking motherhood, feeling guilty because I'm lucky, feeling guilty he's an only child and feeling regret that I'm stuck to my ex now for years.

They are all very common feelings. Much more common than people care to admit.

I would probably just tell him about you feeling low in general, that this can be a pattern for you, but that you are seeking help.

Are you seeking support? Please don't be ashamed of your feelings, it sounds like you just need some support to work through it and get to the other side.

Depression can make the most irrational things seem rational. Good luck OP x

Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 20:36

Last time I sought support my family told me to suck it up.

OP posts:
OldFan · 27/07/2022 20:55

That's dickish of them OP. Seek help from professionals and friends/groups instead.

Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 22:23

All I can think is I've got 3 days to fill with him and its going to be raining.

OP posts:
Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 28/07/2022 08:06

When I was struggling my mum said we'll you didn't have to have children. It was that or put up with years of pressure from everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 29/07/2022 10:17

Guess I'm alone then.

OP posts:
Bindayagain · 29/07/2022 10:20

Were you telling your family you are depressed or just having a general moan about children/life, as their reaction might be different if they know how serious it is.
Even if what you're feeling is situational depression, medication or therapy can help give you the strength to cope better with it all.

Original poster
CathyTheQueen · 29/07/2022 10:23

I told them I was depressed and was struggling to cope with 80pc single custody of my child

OP posts:
givemeastiffone · 29/07/2022 10:28

You definitely need to mention it - I'm always upfront about my mental illness and they deal with it several ways ... run for the hills, be supportive and understanding and help OR ... pretend to want to be understanding but actually decide that it's not for them ...

MsFrenchie · 29/07/2022 10:31

CathyTheQueen · 27/07/2022 17:38

I've seriously got to tell him I hate my life .?

No, but I think it’d be sensible to tell him that you have depression. Hating your life is a symptom of that.

It’s analogous to you not currently enjoying running if you have a broken ankle. Your illness affects your current view of your life every but as much as a broken ankle would affect your current ability to run.

Of course, there’s no obligation to tell him, but it is probably a good idea to if you want him to understand and support you.