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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this mentionitus?

35 replies

Rachswin · 27/07/2022 10:59

There are lots of dog owners where DH and I live. Sometimes we will walk the dog individually and sometimes we go together. The other morning DH came back from walking the dog and mentioned that our dog had met a new dog. He mentioned the dog's name and said that he had walked some of the route with the woman.
Then he told me how old he thought she might be. He also told me what her plans were for the day ahead, and that she wasn't following her usual walk time because she was going for a new job.
Then later he brought up this woman again to tell me something she had told him about another dog walker (who neither of us know).
Is this normal to be this friendly with a total stranger?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachswin · 27/07/2022 11:01

I forgot to say that when he said she had told him it wasn't her usual walk time he did a sort of half laugh and then said because she was going for a new job.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 27/07/2022 11:03

Do you often have much to talk about? Are you both working from home and a little socially isolated?

I don't think it's mentionitis based on one day.

velvetvixen · 27/07/2022 11:04

Well, he does sound very interested in his new acquaintance!

ManAboutTown · 27/07/2022 11:11

He told you about it - wouldn't do it if there was something untoward going on

Original poster
Rachswin · 27/07/2022 11:11

Also, now I'm thinking why would a woman choose to walk a semi-rural route with a man she's never met before?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 27/07/2022 11:12

Rachswin · 27/07/2022 11:11

Also, now I'm thinking why would a woman choose to walk a semi-rural route with a man she's never met before?

Why wouldnt you if you were both walking the same direction in broad daylight with dogs?

Passwordfail · 27/07/2022 11:14

Yes it’s mentionitus. Doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything to worry about or that she has given him a second thought though. But I would definitely have picked up on it and probably would have said something as well but that’s me

GiltEdges · 27/07/2022 11:16

🙄

Maybe he had nothing else to talk about that day and it was novel enough for him to mention? He could have chosen not to mention it at all and you’d never have been any the wiser, but he didn’t.

Staynow · 27/07/2022 11:18

It's hard to know, maybe it's just something to talk about when there's not much to say, maybe it was just the most interesting thing that happened to him. If he keeps 'accidentally' bumping into her and talking to her then I'd be concerned.

Watchkeys · 27/07/2022 11:18

People don't wonder if their partner has mentionitis unless they're talking about someone to the extent that it's uncomfortable.

There's no official guidelines for what counts and what doesn't, but if you're asking the question, you're uncomfortable about how often/how he's talking about her, and that's what needs dealing with: your feeling of discomfort. Don't focus on naming his behaviour.

maresedotes · 27/07/2022 11:19

Rachswin · 27/07/2022 11:11

Also, now I'm thinking why would a woman choose to walk a semi-rural route with a man she's never met before?

I've done this and I don't have a dog! We happened to be walking in the same direction and just chatted.

Bunty55 · 27/07/2022 11:23

If something has rattled you then keep your eyes and your ears open. I would. I would be looking for how much he uses his 'phone and what he is doing when he goes out, if I felt something was going on.
I might even follow him on 'the walk' if I felt bad enough.
It depends on how much of a bad feeling you have really.

BiggerthanIusedtobe · 27/07/2022 11:25

I moved to the country a year ago and I just think it's a thing here. There aren't many people, but the ones we meet tend to be friendly and talkative, so we relay the conversation a bit. I wouldn't worry. At first I thought you were stressing that he preferred the other dog to your own one 😆

rusticaflores · 27/07/2022 11:29

Yes, I think it's mentionitis.

Original poster
Rachswin · 27/07/2022 11:34

Thanks for all the opinions. I think it was two things which rattled me. The little laugh when explaining about her, and the fact he brought her up again later in the day. I don't think anything is going on then. I think maybe then he found her attractive/enjoyed her company and that thought lasted in his head a few hours.
Personally, I wouldn't walk alone in the country with a man I had never met before but others would it seems.

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 27/07/2022 11:36

I've walked round a wood with a man I'd just met, the dogs were having fun and we had a nice chat! I don't think you can think mentionitis based on one day!

ComDummings · 27/07/2022 11:41

It’s the bringing her up again that makes me think it’s mentionitis.

Ourlady · 27/07/2022 11:43

Quite normal. I often have chats and walk a while with other dog walkers male or female. It just depends on how friendly a person is. Husband and I often chat about our conversations with other dog walkers. I think you are massively overreacting

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 27/07/2022 11:51

I forgot to say that when he said she had told him it wasn't her usual walk time he did a sort of half laugh and then said because she was going for a new job.

what is ringing little alarm bells for you about the way he said this OP? You know your DH best so just wondering what (if anything) your gut was telling you here?

HoneyIShrunkThePizza · 27/07/2022 11:54

That sounds like me. I meet strangers then give DH their life stories. I think it's just sadsackitis (which I also suffer from).

Original poster
Rachswin · 27/07/2022 11:56

It was either
'She told me (ha) that she was going for a new job'
or
'She told me that she (ha) was going for a new job'.

I don't know what my gut is telling me as it was an odd pause (the 'ha').

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 27/07/2022 11:57

A bit, yes. But it’s just a stranger he found vaguely attractive. I wouldn’t assume it’s going to develop into anything.. has something happened previously that makes you worried?

As for why would she walk with him - at this point you are veering into overthinking. They are walking their dogs and chatting, there is no reason at all to think she has any interest in your DP.

nexus63 · 27/07/2022 12:04

i live in a large city in scotland, we talk to anybody, at the bustop, in a line at the supermarket...basically anywhere, i was on holiday in the borders, everyone said hello and how i was, a man i asked when i was looking for a shop walked me up there and chatted away, he saw me a few days later with my husband and stopped to chat, it is just the way some people are, maybe he found it so nice that a lady was bothering to talk to him. my mum used to go to a loch and wooded area to walk her dog and many times she saw and talked to men and women, there is nothing wrong with that, if you are bothered by it then go with him, you might find yourself making a new friend.

WhenDovesFly · 27/07/2022 12:08

Let's look at the positives in the situation OP, your DH is obviously a very good listener Grin.

Bookworm20 · 27/07/2022 12:36

Sounds like it could be completely innocent. He met a fellow dog walker, they chatted and hes a little taken with her maybe, but that doesn't mean anything will happen.

Alternatively someone saw him with her and hes mentioned her in case it comes to light he was walking with this other woman?

Something though, has got your senses tingling a bit. it feels a bit 'off' to you.

I think all you can do is wait and see if this walking the dogs together becomes a little more regular.

Ask him a couple of innocent questions, what sort of dog did she have? What job was she going for. Sound interested. If there is anything questionable going on he'll slip on something or come out with something that seems a little too over familar. If he thinks you're not bothered at all by it, thats when something will slip - IF there is anything to worry about that it.