Age gap now becoming issue

[Coldcoldhearts]

DH is 19 years older than me (he’s early 50s I’m early 30s- met in his 40s me in mid 20s).

Hes always been very virile while we’ve been together, we have a fun and busy life (3 gorgeous kids), know when/how to chill, sex has always been great, good communication.

However now he’s saying he doesn’t want or need sex/foreplay as much.. quite happy to only have sex once every couple of months, says he’s tired and I need to remember he’s early 50s and that’s the end of it.

Hes not unwell, same job, same hours as when we first met, only thing that’s changed is that I’ve mentioned I’d like it more (we’ve gone through a dry patch) and he’s now added this to the mix (that’s he’s too old and tired and I need to be sympathetic to that).

Its come out of nowhere though, we’ve never had an issue with our age gap before, always been pretty compatible sexually so I’m now left with the prospect of having next to no sex/foreplay in my early 30s and as sex is such a big part of our relationship I feel like a huge hole in left now.

Anyone else been through similar?

That seems quite a low libido for a 50yo. Is he overweight? Suffering stress or high blood pressure? Other health issues or worries?

My ex was 10y older than me and enthusiastic for sex every other day at sixty. And he wasn't particularly fit, he drank a lot, and didn't exercise much.

Has your dh had a recent general health check - cholesterol, bmi, aerobic capacity, blood pressure etc?

This doesn’t sound like an age gap problem Per se.

Do you have anything in common, other than sex?
And I don’t mean kids, house, whatever….

There's actually 19 years between me & dp.
Hes 52, I'm 33.
If anything he's got the higher sex drive & still does! 50 is still young for it to tail off so dramatically, I'd be considering other reasons, health/stress (do I dare mention affair??)
Has anything else changed about him? His manner, closeness outside of bedroom etc?

Early 50s does seem too young to be having low libido. Are you sure he's not ill?

Could he be seeing someone else? If nothing else has changed I would be suspicious.

Do you think you ”age out” for his taste?

By this I mean there are (older) men who go after as young / young looking women as they legally can….

If you know where I’m going with this….

We are not an age gap relationship but my DH is 60 this year and he is still a randy old goat!

I would be looking at other reasons why he's not into it at the moment.

I would have thought most men in their 50s have a lot less sex because they are in relationships with women in their 50s who are going through perimenopause etc. I wouldn't expect the libido of a 30 year old but once every couple of months is worth investigating.

As pp said, weight? blood pressure? mood otherwise? If it's that he's worried about not being able to "perform" adequately then that can be a self-fulfilling prophecy and really put them off trying.

Yes 50s is young(ish), but it's about the time where lifestyle habits start to bite back. If he's a big guy then he can be carrying around a lot of fat without looking particularly unusually overweight and things like diabetes/high blood pressure might be something he should consider checking out.

Maybe he just doesn’t want to have sex, surely there must come a point when you’ve had enough of ii and want to move on to better things…..?

Do you think he's getting it elsewhere? Or is he suffering from erectile dysfunction and is embarrassed about it.

Low testosterone ?

That seems quite a low libido for a 50yo. Is he overweight? Suffering stress or high blood pressure? Other health issues or worries?

on the off chance this is real, I agree with PP. DH is early 50’s and I have to beat him off with a stick, and he is over weight with health issues! He’d happily do it every day and twice on Sunday if he got the chance.

Early 50s is young to be tailing off sex drastically - especially if you’ve always had an enjoyable sex life. There might be more to it but if he won’t discuss it (which also seems a bit odd) you’re a bit stuck. Maybe try an open, concerned and gentle chat in a relaxed environment again?

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that it is perfectly possible for his libido to fall off a cliff in his early 50's. This has haoppened to both my husband and me but, as it happened at teh same time for both of us, it has been a non-issue. My husband is normal weight, fit healthy and not overly stressed and his libido disappeared in hsi early 50's - so, yes, it does happen and doesn't mean illness or an affair.

Another one saying that early 50s is a bit young to be going off sex.
Mine's 52 and still acting like a 30-year old with regards to sex.

I’m 34. DH 56 - one child. DH wants it every day ( I don’t )

To be honest i would be happy once a month ! This is the only issue we argue over . I compromise at twice a week. I feel bad as I’m sure DH knows I’m not fully fully engaged!!! I just am exhausted and have a lower sex drive now . That’s it . Speak to your partner.

Is he exhausted? Feels overwhelmed at work? Tired after kids , work , chores? Is he down about his appearance.

Hopefully you can meet in the middle.

if someone said I could have sex once every few months and just cuddle each night it would be perfect !!

Is that you, Carrie?

Probably job related if so.

There's a 20yr age difference between me and my DH - he's 57 now. We definitely have less sex now we have a toddler but still manage a couple of times a week. His libido dropped a bit (mine is rampant) so we did some reading and he started to take selenium supplement and it helped considerably!

What do you mean?

That isn’t an age issue. Could there be anything medical?

Not normal, he either needs to see his doctor for a checkup, he’s only 50 not 80(!!!) or it’s possible yhat he’s getting his fix from someone else or self servicing.

Early fifties? He’s shagging someone else or is indeed unwell.

Ah thank you very much for all of your replies, it’s really appreciated.

The Carrie ones definitely made me chuckle.. we have 3 DC not 15,000 so rest assured he’s definitely not BOJO 🤮 😆

He’s healthy, confident with his body image, likes a drink but in moderation and like I say been in the same job since we’ve been together with no change in job role so although it is stressful; no more than he’s used to. Definitely not an affair, I’m too good at sniffing out his porkies and he’s one of the rare ‘good men’, plus I’ve outright asked him and it’s definitely not that. ED.. possibly, we have spoke about it in the past and we make it clear if it’s an issue we will just have foreplay and that’s fine by me, however he’s now saying that’s off the table too.

The tired thing- we do have 3 small dc, one being under 1, still on the breast and definitely not sleeping through.. although that’s more an issue for me not him 😅