Age gap now becoming issue

[Coldcoldhearts]

DH is 19 years older than me (he’s early 50s I’m early 30s- met in his 40s me in mid 20s).

Hes always been very virile while we’ve been together, we have a fun and busy life (3 gorgeous kids), know when/how to chill, sex has always been great, good communication.

However now he’s saying he doesn’t want or need sex/foreplay as much.. quite happy to only have sex once every couple of months, says he’s tired and I need to remember he’s early 50s and that’s the end of it.

Hes not unwell, same job, same hours as when we first met, only thing that’s changed is that I’ve mentioned I’d like it more (we’ve gone through a dry patch) and he’s now added this to the mix (that’s he’s too old and tired and I need to be sympathetic to that).

Its come out of nowhere though, we’ve never had an issue with our age gap before, always been pretty compatible sexually so I’m now left with the prospect of having next to no sex/foreplay in my early 30s and as sex is such a big part of our relationship I feel like a huge hole in left now.

Anyone else been through similar?

21 year difference here. My husband didn't lose interest until he hit 70. He either needs to see a doctor or he's using his energy with someone else.

To state the obvious, everyone is different.
My previous late DH was 5-6 times p.w. at 55, terminal illness was all that stopped him.
Present DH lost all interest in sex at about 55. No point in viagra as he just doesn't want sex.

Agree with the others who say everyone is different. Depending on which study you read it’s really not that uncommon for your sex drive to fall in your fifties - which is absolutely fine if that suits you both and not fine if one wants it more than the other. Would he be willing to see the GP just to check it’s nothing else?

Early fifties and three kids in, what, seven or so years? Poor guy must be knackered.

He's probably nervous about another pregnancy if you've already got three.

😆 he’s had the snip so definitely no pregnancy happening again.

Thanks everyone, yes it’s knackering with the 3 kids and we’re both very hands on.

It’s probably more a shock than anything (for me) as his age has never been ‘a thing’, but over the past few days he’s been talking more and more about being ‘an old man’ to me and the kids, there’s clearly more to it so when the kids are in bed we’re making time to sit down and have real chat about how we move forward. Thanks again.

I’m early 50s as well, and would agree that all men are different, my sex drive has declined a bit and probably weekly ( not daily as some suggest), would feel about right, the “old man” comments are a self defence mechanism, lots of men use that in a joking manner
may A testosterone check?

I'd be worn out with 3 young kids and a full time job, even if not the primary carer. Do you also work?

No point in mentioning random rampant pensioners. Here we have a man with 3 very young kids, a stressful job and a breastfeeding wife who wants to have the sex life going.
A quickie and an occasional wank is all I would muster in those circumstances.

My exH is in his mid-fifties and we talk about everything/anything. His libido and interest in sex have dropped off the cliff and (after life of debauchery ) the sex bores him now apparently.
Can't say I feel too dissimilar at 35...

I had a larger age gap with my late DH - he was 22 years older. We had an active sex life and went out and about a lot right up until he became sick when he was 59. So I wouldn't say its an age thing, we would still be having sex now if he was still here no doubt. Having said that, I have a new boyfriend who is only a few years older than me now, in part because I reason it's less likely he will die soon. (I'm aware that's fucked up thinking by the way).

No point in mentioning random rampant pensioners. Here we have a man with 3 very young kids, a stressful job and a breastfeeding wife who wants to have the sex life going.

^

Sorry Camilla 😂 very funny

My DH is 46, been married since for 20 years. He’s not 50 yet, but his sex drives increased over the years! We also have 3 DC and the youngest (surprise baby) is 2, we’ve been shattered working full time and caring for 3 DC, but it’s not negatively impacted his sex drive. Wish it had a little though!
get him to speak to his GP, could just be a deficiency problem that’s easily fixed.

I'm very surprised that once every two months is seen as normal for an early fifties guy! I think his libido is too low. You know what you need to do... open up the marriage or crack open the sex toys!

I'm not that surprised. All my friends, in 50's, sexlife is varied from often to little, to nothing.

Tbf OP situation is different. Large age gap, plus 1 child at under 1. At 50? That is on the older side to have a new baby. I'm be knackered. 2boysand1princess also has a dc under 2. These are 2 posters with very young children. That changes a lot.

Hi OP
I can't provide much advice and this may seem a bit random but I’ll throw it out there - the only thought I had was could he be watching porn and that might be affecting intimacy in your relationship? The figures of people who are addicted now with daily / weekly habits are so high.

16 years between my wife (76) and I (60 in August). I have a fairly busted up lumbar spine, with many problems below the waist, including high risk of Cauda Equina Syndrome and erectile dysfunction (thankfully sildenafil works, despite my main problem being nerve damage etc). My wife suffers from lichen sclerosus and a lack of estrogen/ other hormonal issues, she wont touch HRT though, as she believes it to be potentially harmful to her. We manage - somehow, to have penetrative sex once a month-ish, far from ideal for both of us. We had, and still have matching high libido's, in our 28 years together sex was 3-4 times a week, for 26 of those years, with some longer periods of abstinence here and there, due to medical reasons.

From a man's prospective I'm inclined to consider that perhaps your husband has issues around getting an erection, although it's pure speculation. I was gutted when it first started with me, but my wife and i have good communication and I discussed with her and my orthopaedic consultant, luckily the blue pills mostly solved the "getting it up and keeping it up" bit.

The other thing to consider is depression, maybe your husband suffers from it, mildly or otherwise, but hides it well.

Might just be tiredness with a young family but maybe he needs to step up with looking after his health just as women do around menopause. Better diet, no processed food, regular exercise. If there’s still an issue, definitely ask doc to check his hormones.