Is meeting up with ex a bad idea

[Sweetielou]

So I posted on here a few times regarding my ex who I separated with just over a year ago . We recently had contact over a few things about emails etc . He messaged me a few weeks ago to ask about his accountant and said it would be nice to catch up soon . He met someone in November which I struggled with and took a lot of work to get where I am now.
I heard he wanted to get a divorce and when I mentioned it he said no not at all . We said we would meet up this week for a chat (not really sure what we are going to chat about ) . Is it a bad idea . He said not to broadcast it and it’s between just us . Part of me thinks it might just give me closure but what if I go and realize I still have feelings for him

He said not to broadcast it and it’s between just us .

Why?

If it's taken as long as it has to get to a good place I'd cut all non-essential contact

Just no. Nothing good can come of this.

If he wants to divorce then let his solicitor contact you and you take it further.

Keep all contact in writing as you'll

If he's seen an accountant and wants to meet you then it's probably because he wants to fob you off with some shitty financial deal which won't be anything near what you're entitled to.

Have some self respect and move on.

As far as I know he’s still with his new partner so that’s probably why he said to keep it between us

Bum - pressed post by mistake.

Keep all contact in writing only. Don't agree to anything without the advice of a solicitor.

He asked about his account because his tax return is well over due and I know his accountant so he asked if I had seen him .

If he was contacting you for entirely innocent reasons he wouldn't want to be keeping it secret.

It sounds very unhealthy to me. You would be better having your solicitors deal with everything from now on and you wouldn't need to have any contact with your ex.

Keep working on yourself, you'll get there

This is the exact reason why you have nothing to do with it. He can't be trusted.

Let him worry about his own tax return. It is entirely irrelevant to his tax return whether you have seen his accountant.

Don't let him back in, not when you've worked so hard to get to where you are. He's messing with your head. Tell him firmly that you don't think meeting in person is a good idea and it's time to cut all contact and communicate through solicitors only.

There are no financial reasons behind it . I have a housing association house in my name only , we have a son who’s 23 so I never ask him for money.,he’s self employed and doesn’t earn much and we don’t have pensions or things to discuss

A divorce would be straight forward and I could do it on the gov website so no solicitor would be needed

If you think seeing him will set you back emotionally, don't do it yet.

If you think it might help to have a friendly drink and and might give some closure, go for it.

I have remained on amicable terms with all my exes and met them for coffee once or twice afterwards.

If you want to move on with your life, don't meet him

This would set off massive alarm bells for me. If he’s keeping meeting up with you a secret from his new partner.

He should either be open with her about seeing you for a chat if it’s innocent, or telling you and her that he wants to see you but she’s upset about it. Going behind her back tells me it’s him trying to keep his options open.

He isn’t being a good person about this.

keeping his options open is what I’m kind of thinking. See if I’m there if all fails with his new relationship

I'm a bit more ambivalent about this than most partly because I have recently been through the same thing.

If there are genuine things to discuss it is easier face to face but if you feel he is trying to keep you dangling then no just do it on email

I've learnt from experience (and friends) that there is a massive variety of post relationship contact ranging from the will we / won't we get back together to outright venom.

It sounds like it is all over so stick to business

just say NO. Think of the future not the past

Oh FFS have some self respect and move on.

He has.

Do not do it. Look forward not back. You had to work hard at getting over him so why jeopardise this? Keep going. A meeting would almost certainly set you back and for whose benefit. You are the most important person here not him so make sure you protect and look after yourself.

He could be telling you he's engaged or has a baby on the way.

I'd ask him beforehand what it was about.

I’m decided I’m not going to meet him . I don’t want to put myself through all that again because it was so hard getting over it . He’s just playing a game and wants to mess with my head . He’s 50 so I don’t think he will be wanting anymore children as he was a crap dad to the son he has !!

Is there a reason why you haven't?

Financially I can not afford to do it on my own and he is saying he can’t afford to pay half towards it .

Would it be possible his new partner wants to push for the divorce and he feels it's better to discuss this in person? But he is saying don't tell anyone as the new partner would prefer you were just sent the paperwork and for him not to meet you?