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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Reaching out to my ex one last time

66 replies

pats555 · 25/07/2022 16:54

So I dated the most incredible selfless kind-hearted female from age 19 to 27. She wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me.Because of my own selfish issues, not wanting kids, and heavily abusing alcohol, we parted ways. I'm now 39, we haven't spoken since, and my medical situation is dire as my liver is failing from years of alcohol abuse and unless some miracle happens and they find a matching liver, I will not make it.

She is married with 3 kids. I wanted to message her one last time on Facebook just telling her how amazing she is, apologize for being a terrible boyfriend, and just let her know how happy I am for her that she has a big family like she always wanted.

Would this be inappropriate? She was a huge part of my life for almost a decade and helped me out in so many ways. Some people might say let it be and not to bother her. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 26/07/2022 08:47

I had a (cheating) ex get in touch and genuinely apologise.
It has brought us both a great deal of peace.

OP
If you really mean it, just apologise, tell her how deeply you regret your actions and that you wish wonderful things for her.
Don’t make it about you, or your situation. In fact, best not to mention it.
Also, don’t assume her life is happy because she has children. This is a woman who put up with an alcoholic for 8 years- she may not yet value herself enough to be in a healthy relationship. I would avoid the whole ‘ I’m so happy life has worked out for you’ - you have no idea if it has it if you damaged her more.

So- not a terrible idea, but keep it short, about her, genuine, and no assumptions.

Dotcheck · 26/07/2022 08:48

And PS- I’d write to her rather than fb message, so there is no pressure for her to reply.

ancientgran · 26/07/2022 08:54

My alcoholic ex died of liver failure. I would have appreciated a letter like that, he never admitted his issues and now he never will. I feel a message acknowledging what was good and bad would have been good for me.

Roselilly36 · 26/07/2022 08:54

What are your motives though, to stop your guilt or do you genuinely wish to apologise? Her life has moved on, I doubt she will be interested to hear from you tbh. Sorry if that sounds blunt. Wishing you all the best for your op. Good luck.

Gaveitall · 26/07/2022 09:01

Don’t. do. it.

What’s done is done & you could cause a major emotional upheaval for her & indeed cause upset if her partner/husband is troubled by your intervention. She may have to keep it a secret if he is not the understanding type which is not good for any relationship.

You have no idea what you, making yourself feel better, might cause.

If you absolutely must write a letter, do it, put it with your private papers and ask that it be sent after your demise.

Im sorry that your future isn’t looking good health wise but hope your treatment go well.

Pinkbourbon7 · 26/07/2022 09:08

I understand that it might give you some peace of mind and closure but you should take that from the fact that she moved on with her life and seems to have accomplished what she wanted. I think it would be best to just be thankful for that and leave her be.

Women don't need to hear some ex from decades past tell them how much value they have. Because its not for you to tell her that. She doesn't need patted on the back like a horse that's done a good day's work. It's condescending.

Leave it be. Its enough that you yourself have grown enough as a person to where you can recognise past times where you could have been a better person. That shows real soul growth.

Do something nice for someone else in your life instead.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 26/07/2022 09:08

These kind of letters are rarely for the benefit of the recipient.

This^

Your self obsession knows no bounds, OP. It's all about you and you're having yet another drama. This time you might die. Again.

It's just attention seeking garbage.

You got the end result you wanted from your drinking. Do you envy her and just want to take the shine off her day ?

Respect her boundaries. I realise addicts have no respect for anyone or anything else. You need to work on that.

The Duke Center you are due to attend is in North Carolina, is that correct ?

GoT1904 · 26/07/2022 09:27

I think it's a nice idea to message her. When I've provided end of life care to people, I've known a lot of people reflect on relationships (romantic, platonic, familial) and want to make contact or make amends.

Take care.

Annoyedwithmyself · 26/07/2022 09:29

I've not been in your ex's position, OP, but I have a close friend and a late aunt who loosely have been (plus know others who have had addiction in their lives).

I think whether to write, thinking of my dear friend and late aunt, would depend for me upon what being a 'terrible boyfriend' looked like.

My friend's late ex sounded like a lovely man prior to his alcoholism but once it took hold, it was the death of him. A relationship was untenable. He lied, appropriated joint money to buy drink, endlessly covered up his drinking and spending, let her down and terrified her by doing things like having fits or coming home drunk having driven himself when she had hidden the keys. Of course this was not a viable relationship and it put her through hell. However, he did not, for instance, verbally or physically abuse her, cheat, get into fights, or things like that. He wasn't a violent or abusive drunk, his addiction had just gone way too far.

My aunt's ex, on the other hand, verbally, physically, and I believe, sexually abused her and the children while drunk.

I know my friend would have appreciated a letter from her ex before he died, acknowledging her pain and his own demons, as long as it was asking for nothing.

I can't speak for my aunt but genuinely think that such a letter to my cousins from their father would have been far less well received. In fact, I think it would have made them angry, raking up all he had put them through when they have no opportunity to hold him to account.

Not sure if this helps but either way, I wish you luck with finding a transplant.

ManAboutTown · 26/07/2022 09:38

I had to think about this for a good while

I would contact her but don't mention your health and just make it a simple mea culpa. Nothing more than that

Chasingclouds100 · 26/07/2022 09:50

ManAboutTown · 26/07/2022 09:38

I had to think about this for a good while

I would contact her but don't mention your health and just make it a simple mea culpa. Nothing more than that

I completely agree with this, such wise words! I really hope you get the treatment you need, take care

GreyCarpet · 26/07/2022 09:53

I think you can see from the replies that people would respond very differently to a letter like this (and I think it should be a letter if possible rather than a fb message) although an email would be as good.

You are not trying to disrupt her life, you are trying to make amends for a past wrong. Yes, it may stir unexpected feelings for her but it is unlikely that she has never given you a second thought over the years.

Don't ask any questions, make it about her and not you (other than to accept responsibility) and then leave her be.

Life is, sadly, too short to leave things unsaid.

Ohahjustalittlebit · 26/07/2022 09:56

My abusive alcoholic ex reached out to me a year ago and we met up and had a coffee. It brought me the closure I clearly needed but did not know I needed so my judgement is clouded on this one as it was what worked positively for me so I would say yes, reach out.

SaltFlakes · 26/07/2022 10:04

Reach out. More chance than not it'll bring your ex closure.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 26/07/2022 10:09

ToffeeNotCoffee · 26/07/2022 09:08

These kind of letters are rarely for the benefit of the recipient.

This^

Your self obsession knows no bounds, OP. It's all about you and you're having yet another drama. This time you might die. Again.

It's just attention seeking garbage.

You got the end result you wanted from your drinking. Do you envy her and just want to take the shine off her day ?

Respect her boundaries. I realise addicts have no respect for anyone or anything else. You need to work on that.

The Duke Center you are due to attend is in North Carolina, is that correct ?

This. That centre looks lovely. And expensive. Pity you couldn't have used some of that money to make reparations to the woman you abused.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 26/07/2022 10:15

pats555 · 25/07/2022 17:49

Everyone keeps saying how my motive might be to get her back in my life. As of next week, I'm going to be at Duke transplant center and may never come up given my diagnosis. So I'll never see her again most likely anyway.

Actually on a re-read... Oh Jesus are you hoping she'll let you test if she's a match for her liver??? WTF OP.

ancientgran · 26/07/2022 10:17

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 26/07/2022 10:09

This. That centre looks lovely. And expensive. Pity you couldn't have used some of that money to make reparations to the woman you abused.

Where does it say he abused her? He said they split up because he didn't want to get married and have kids and he was an alcoholic. What sort of reparations would you need for that. They wanted different things and moved on. I was married to an alcoholic, he was selfish but that doesn't mean he was abusive. We wanted different things and moved on.

Aside from that maybe he has medical insurance to pay for Duke Centre and they aren't like to pay it to his ex instead.

It's all about money for some but not for everyone.

Ergonnomicpull · 26/07/2022 10:19

Leave. Her. Alone. She doesn't want anything to do with you, if she did she would have spoken to you in the last 12 years! You're getting in contact for purely selfish reasons, to alleviate your own guilt.

And shame on all you posters encouraging this abusive man to contact his victim again, because 'it's a nice thing to do' or 'closure' for this woman. Take it from someone with experience of domestic alcohol abuse, this woman does not need or want contact!

Ihatethenewlook · 26/07/2022 10:19

Thingsdogetbetter · 25/07/2022 20:20

I wouldn't. For her sake and peace of mind. Imagine an email popping up for an ex saying I'm sorry and probably dying from the thing that was a huge issue in our relationship and split us up.

My brain would go into guilt and anxiety: if only I hadn't given up on him; could I have done more?; why is he telling me now?; how the fuck am I supposed to respond to this?; what is he expecting from me? Forgiveness? Contact? Support?; is he expecting further contact if he has a transplant? How do I turn down contact from a man who may be dying; how do I explain that to my husband?

Exactly this. She moved on years ago, and there is absolutely no benefit to her for you dragging this up out of the blue now.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2022 10:20

If you really care about this woman, you'll leave her alone. Don't make your guilt her problem.

Ihatethenewlook · 26/07/2022 10:22

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 26/07/2022 10:15

Actually on a re-read... Oh Jesus are you hoping she'll let you test if she's a match for her liver??? WTF OP.

That’s what crossed my mind too. And exactly what I’d be thinking if an old ex or friend contacted me like that.

Soonberaining · 26/07/2022 10:30

Do it. My ex rang me when he was dying from mesothelioma. He gasped an apology and said that I was often on his mind. He hoped he could see him one more time. I didn't see him as I don't know what his wife knew about our relationship. Obviously we weren't married when we together, but subsequently married other people. He wanted me to go to his funeral, but I hadn't got childcare and felt awkward anyway.

He left me with a much more positive view of him and that last conversation meant a lot. Go for it OP.

Rainbowbaby13 · 26/07/2022 10:39

TopCatsTopHat · 25/07/2022 17:05

I don't see why you shouldn't let someone know they were brilliant and appreciated, especially if you didn't do that at the time. But your motive must be pure. If really you're hoping she will become a figure in your life again in any way, don't.
If you can do it purely to take the chance to let her know she was such an important person to you and that you actually have come to understand what a fab rare person she is, without placing any expectations on her whatsoever (it is unasked for contact after all) then yes.

100% agree with this

SimoneSimone · 26/07/2022 11:10

Write your apology in a letter to be sent when you cark it. You've got it off your chest and she won't need to contact you after reading it.

ancientgran · 26/07/2022 11:37

Ihatethenewlook · 26/07/2022 10:22

That’s what crossed my mind too. And exactly what I’d be thinking if an old ex or friend contacted me like that.

He hasn't even said he'd mention his medical condition but if it is as dire as he indicates there wouldn't be time for a living donor to go through the process. She would need to be a match, obviously, be in good health, similar size, go through various physical tests and have counselling. It isn't something you can just click your fingers and do.