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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The first day he's took DCs and I've spent the day sobbing

35 replies

PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 16:39

Dropped them off, went to visit my FM in hospital then came home and sobbed and sobbed all day. Maybe because I've kept this inside around my kids?

I feel like I just can't cope. 13 years. For what? I'm trying to be strong but I'm failing.

Not really sure why I've posted.. maybe for handhold. I just feel distraught.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 23/07/2022 16:42

Handhold here for you OP. I'm so sorry for the pain you're in.

JanglyBeads · 23/07/2022 16:46

Presume you've just separated?

I remember that feeling. It does get easier, honest.

💐

Cheeptweet · 23/07/2022 17:13

What's the back story ?

unicornsarereal72 · 23/07/2022 17:56

It's a cliche but you will get use to it in time. When the kids first started staying at their dads I left the house the second they did and kept busy. Volunteering. Seeing friends and family. In time I forced myself to stay home part of the day. Now further down the line it's the new normal. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself space to grieve. And make plans it will pass quickly

Original poster
PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 21:13

Split two weeks ago after he exploded after too much to drink. Sent me a voice note that obviously wasn't meant for me about how he would ideally run away with her and be happy but he can't etc. I asked him about it and he exploded, said it was his mates having a laugh etc then started accusing me of sleeping with someone from my teens and it escalated from there. Some of thing he was saying I never though he could ever say to me after such a long time together. Went on for about an hour smashing furniture, pushing me out the way saying horrendous things. He left eventually then came back demanding I let him in for the loo and when I refused he shit on my doorstep and then left with his stuff. Been a wreck ever since.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/07/2022 21:15

Do not EVER take this vile, deplorable man back. It would be the biggest mistake of your life.

SpringSpringTime · 23/07/2022 21:20

It is so so hard but honestly it gets easier. And yes some of it will be because you keep it in around the kids. You have to process it-it’s hard, but you just have to let it happen. You aren’t going to lose them-you’re their mum, nothing can change that.

Legrandsophie · 23/07/2022 21:20

OP that sounds rotten and you are perfectly right to be upset. He is an arsehole. You don’t deserve this and he will get what’s coming to him in the end through sheer fuck wittery.

I bet he goes off the OW after a few months and begs to coke back. Don’t let him. His behaviour shows how much he knows that he is a prick.

SpringSpringTime · 23/07/2022 21:21

I just read your update-horrendous.

Original poster
PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 21:24

Sorry for taking so long to reply. Was travelling to get my dc and bring them home x

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 23/07/2022 21:27

What a nasty man.

Holding your hand. It sounds like this is the first change you have had to think about what he did and let those feelings out. Nothing wrong with that. Can I suggest you speak to womens aid about getting some support.

💐☕️ for you

Original poster
PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 21:28

He's adamant there isn't anyone else. Regardless of that, the behaviour was just heartbreaking. We've had arguments before bad ones tbh but this was just another level. I feel like I'm grieving for a death. I guess I kinda am.

Maybe contributed to the fact my sister is extrnely poorly in mental health hospital and I can't help her and as selfish as it sounds I really need her 😔 just wanna curl up in a ball and give up in all honesty x

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 23/07/2022 21:29

Should he be able to see DC unsupervised?

Original poster
PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 21:32

I've never questioned his parenting abilities he's a great dad.

OP posts:
MiWadiMyChoice · 23/07/2022 21:33

That’s one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here.

Awful, awful man.

toomuchlaundry · 23/07/2022 21:35

A great dad doesn’t treat his partner like that, doesn’t smash up the house

Original poster
PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 21:35

Really? I guess I'm just in shock. Seeing him today it was too much too soon I think. I think I'll always love him but there's no coming back from this.

OP posts:
MiWadiMyChoice · 23/07/2022 21:37

PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 21:32

I've never questioned his parenting abilities he's a great dad.

To be fair, you probably also never questioned if he’d shit on your doorstep.

OneFootintheRave · 23/07/2022 21:37

Sorry OP, this must be really hard. But I think you are right, there's no coming back from that behaviour.

serene12 · 23/07/2022 21:39

Great dads, do not abuse the mother of their children.
Did you involve the Police, after the domestic abuse incident two weeks ago?

Original poster
PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 21:39

MiWadiMyChoice · 23/07/2022 21:37

To be fair, you probably also never questioned if he’d shit on your doorstep.

Show quote history

Well yes true. He does have issues with his guts tbh but I just couldn't let him back in the house I couldn't risk it you know?

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 23/07/2022 21:40

You have alot on your plate. Of course you came home and sobbed. Dropping your kids to their dad for the day after such a nasty break up would have been heartbreaking, and then to top that by visiting your sister (presumably your support mechanism) in a mental health unit would have been a horrific day. Visiting in those places are not for the feint hearted - to be admitted to one means your sister is in a bad place mentally and not your sister right now which is incredibly heard to see. Either event would have sent most folks to tears, both in one day? Take care of yourself.

But look at it another way, you have the nasty manchild out of your life, some child free space on a weekly/fortnightly basis to plan what you want to do by yourself - some time for you and your sister is in the best place to get the help that she needs.

(And yes you are grieving the relationship you thought you had. It will take time to get yourself straight).

WestIsWest · 23/07/2022 21:40

toomuchlaundry · 23/07/2022 21:35

A great dad doesn’t treat his partner like that, doesn’t smash up the house

I agree. Where were the children when he was behaving like that? I’m not saying don’t let him see them unsupervised but I’d be keeping a very close eye on things.

Original poster
PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 21:42

LittleOwl153 · 23/07/2022 21:40

You have alot on your plate. Of course you came home and sobbed. Dropping your kids to their dad for the day after such a nasty break up would have been heartbreaking, and then to top that by visiting your sister (presumably your support mechanism) in a mental health unit would have been a horrific day. Visiting in those places are not for the feint hearted - to be admitted to one means your sister is in a bad place mentally and not your sister right now which is incredibly heard to see. Either event would have sent most folks to tears, both in one day? Take care of yourself.

But look at it another way, you have the nasty manchild out of your life, some child free space on a weekly/fortnightly basis to plan what you want to do by yourself - some time for you and your sister is in the best place to get the help that she needs.

(And yes you are grieving the relationship you thought you had. It will take time to get yourself straight).

Yeah she's in intensive care atm as well so very seriously poorly. She's been there 3 weeks. It's fucking horrific. I just don't know how to keep strong. I keep being told to take time off work but thats the only constant normal thing in my life right now. Thank you for the kind words

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/07/2022 21:42

PurpleSkittles · 23/07/2022 21:32

I've never questioned his parenting abilities he's a great dad.

Please stop with this "great dad" shite, you're only lying to yourself. A great dad would never, ever have behaved the way he has. He's a pig.