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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Absolutely done if DH doesn't quit drinking.

57 replies

Fafafafabetter · 23/07/2022 02:20

Went out for a meal and he's drunk too much. Just got up and pissed in the bedroom. He's still drunk so is acting like I'm being dramatic about it.

I can't make him understand until he's sober. He's just said I wouldn't even let him have a full wee.

I'm so fucking sick of him ruining things. He's always the one that throws up or makes a fool of himself.

Every time he says he's going to stop and he never does.

Tomorrow is Day 1. If he doesn't quit I'm gone.

Every happy memory is just tainted by his behaviour and the horrible shit he says when drunk (he's just said all I ever do is ask him for money!!)

Am livid

OP posts:
Original poster
Fafafafabetter · 23/07/2022 02:29

He's snoring away and I'm wide awake thinking about how much a carpet cleaners going to cost.

He's a nice man generally but the drinking is such an issue and it makes me sad that anytime we try to have an evening out he ruins it.

OP posts:
optimistic40 · 23/07/2022 02:31

Sounds as though you have reached your limit and that's fair. He can decide what to do with that information but stick to your guns. Good luck x

Nat6999 · 23/07/2022 02:40

My late dp was an alcoholic & looking back it was like constantly living on eggshells. He was a lovely caring gentle & kind man when I first met him but gradually I lost the man I fell in love with as he started to rely on the drink more & more. You can bet he will promise you the earth tomorrow but he will soon go back to the drinking, he won't change. Do you have children? You will be damaging them if you stay with him, get out now, he will beg & promise you he can change but only he can do it, nobody else.

ChiTorpedo · 23/07/2022 02:40

I had an ex who was a prolific weed smoker. He was a graphic designer who could set his own hours, and every single day from 3pm onwards (which was when he wakes up) the house would be filled with smoke and the sound of whatever YouTube video he found. He was argumentative, condescending, and eventually I'd forgotten who he was before the weed and kicked him out soon after.

Not much in terms of advice but I get how frustrating it can be.

AlrightyThen32 · 23/07/2022 02:40

I'm wide awake myself 🙈 does he drink all the time? Definitely sounds lile you've had enough and I don't blame you

AlrightyThen32 · 23/07/2022 02:41

like

Original poster
Fafafafabetter · 23/07/2022 02:55

No. He only drinks on a Friday night. A 4 pack.

But if we go out he does this. Or if he goes out with his mates.

OP posts:
AlrightyThen32 · 23/07/2022 03:03

I did that in my early twenties- not piss on the floor but I'd get way too drunk all the time and fall over, things like that. Not my finest hour. But I grew out of it. He needs to grow up big time and stop being selfish. No harm in the odd drink but sounds like he's having a few too many and when he goes out he should stay sober as he obviously can't handle it. Tell him to clean his wee up as well. I'd have him scrubbing on his hands and knees, might make him think twice next time.

Fancydancer1934 · 23/07/2022 05:51

Nat6999 · 23/07/2022 02:40

My late dp was an alcoholic & looking back it was like constantly living on eggshells. He was a lovely caring gentle & kind man when I first met him but gradually I lost the man I fell in love with as he started to rely on the drink more & more. You can bet he will promise you the earth tomorrow but he will soon go back to the drinking, he won't change. Do you have children? You will be damaging them if you stay with him, get out now, he will beg & promise you he can change but only he can do it, nobody else.

Your story could be my story except that my ex-h told me that there was actually nothing wrong with the amount he was drinking and had no intention of stopping and that if I didn't like it then I could leave.... 18 years on ...

Me -own home, new interests, great relationship with daughters and their kids Him - mortgage he will never pay off, money spent on alcohol, very bad health and no contact with kids/grandkids.

Don't let him drag you down with him.

fedup078 · 23/07/2022 07:06

@Fancydancer1934
Oh god mine said the same
Said I was being unreasonable to ask him to stop and it was my issue not his
@Fafafafabetter give an ultimatum and stick to it. This has just reminded me of an incident I'd forgotten, the night I had to stop him pissing in our newborns cot 😡

pointythings · 23/07/2022 09:48

We all have our rock bottom and this is yours. You're fully entitled to tell him either he stops drinking or you're over.

But an ultimatum is powerless unless you act on it, so you have to mean it. FWIW I would mean it in your position. I would also quietly start getting my ducks in a row, because men like your DH very rarely stop. Mine didn't. I'm now a widow.

We have a support group thread over in Health/Alcohol issues. Come and join us.

Original poster
Fafafafabetter · 23/07/2022 10:33

I do mean it.

And I'm pissed off because I'm 99% alcohol free. I drink maybe twice a year. I've been enjoying doing more family things and having a drink and everytime somethibg like this has happened so now I feel like I cannot go to these events and drink because I'm going to tell him not to.

I just don't understand why he can't have a few drinks and be happy.

Why's it got to go too far every time?

OP posts:
pointythings · 23/07/2022 10:43

@Fafafafabetter some people don't have an off switch when it comes to alcohol and your husband is one of those. Even drinking 4 cans on a Friday night is excessive, that's a binge. He's one of those who cannot moderate and if he won't stop then this has to be the end point. It's not good for children to grow up around a parent who has alcohol issues.

Original poster
Fafafafabetter · 23/07/2022 10:50

My kids are grown so I guess they already did.

I'm qteeling him today it's 100% quitting or we are done.

I've emptied all his beers down the sink

OP posts:
Original poster
Fafafafabetter · 23/07/2022 10:50

Telling! *

OP posts:
KarlWrenbury · 23/07/2022 10:52

You need to visit al Anon. They’re for relatives of alcoholics. I went (only once) for a relative and it changed my life.

lastminutedotcom22 · 23/07/2022 10:58

For gods sake if someone pissed in the bedroom that would be it!

Get rid and do not put up with this that's disgusting 🤮

If your friend told you about all this what would you say to her.......

You deserve better

Coffeeenema · 23/07/2022 11:04

pointythings · 23/07/2022 10:43

@Fafafafabetter some people don't have an off switch when it comes to alcohol and your husband is one of those. Even drinking 4 cans on a Friday night is excessive, that's a binge. He's one of those who cannot moderate and if he won't stop then this has to be the end point. It's not good for children to grow up around a parent who has alcohol issues.

Four cans for a man is not a binge....considering that one can doesn't even amount to a pint! You're talking just under Three pints, hardly a binge.

Chdjdn · 23/07/2022 11:05

My DH is like this and I am at the point of leaving. I’ve realised that I can’t change him and I control his drinking (posting on here helped that) but I don’t have to stay and accept it. The only thing you have control over is what you do.

pointythings · 23/07/2022 11:25

@Coffeeenema 4 cans is around 8 units - more than half the weekly recommended maximum and yes, that's classified as a binge.

pointythings · 23/07/2022 11:26

OP, if your children are grown up then nothing is keeping you there. Take your freedom and live your best life. Honestly, not having a dysfunctional drinker in your life is a transformation. You can do this!

Original poster
Fafafafabetter · 23/07/2022 11:29

pointythings · 23/07/2022 11:25

@Coffeeenema 4 cans is around 8 units - more than half the weekly recommended maximum and yes, that's classified as a binge.

How is he an alcoholic if he only has half the recommended maximum then?

Because he drinks it in 1 night?

He works Sundays so can't drink sat night.

Sorry buy you're reaching here.

His issue is when he goes out. But my ultimatum is nothing or I'm gone because I've had enough.

OP posts:
Coffeeenema · 23/07/2022 11:29

pointythings · 23/07/2022 11:25

@Coffeeenema 4 cans is around 8 units - more than half the weekly recommended maximum and yes, that's classified as a binge.

😂

pointythings · 23/07/2022 11:30

Yes, it's because he's having it in one night. But I do agree that his issue when going out is far more serious. It shows a fundamental lack of respect for you.

Original poster
Fafafafabetter · 23/07/2022 11:31

pointythings · 23/07/2022 11:26

OP, if your children are grown up then nothing is keeping you there. Take your freedom and live your best life. Honestly, not having a dysfunctional drinker in your life is a transformation. You can do this!

Well they're teens and all still live at home.

I meant they aren't toddlers/babies.

OP posts:
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