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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why aren't the police doing anything?

61 replies

AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:28

A couple of weeks ago my ex partner came to my house where I live with my children and smashed up both of my cars. He was later arrested and bailed not to contact me directly ot indirectly, only a 3rd party for childcare. He's continued to contact me, hundreds of messages and calls, leaving voicemails. If I block he then starts doing the same to my family and friends. He's said really vile things.
I've had to leave my home because me and my children and so scared. He had never been violent before a few weeks ago but was always emotionally abusive.
Since then he's also broken into my house and trashed it and I'm even more scared to go back.
The police aren't doing anything about the fact he's broke his bail. I don't know what to do. I'm petrified.
I've called womens aid and they are going to allocate me someone, but I just feel nobody will take me seriously until he physically hurts me.

OP posts:
layladomino · 21/07/2022 19:30

Do you tell the Police every time he breaks the rules? Make sure you tell them everything. No matter how big or small. Keep incident references and keep a record yourself of every incident. Do you have a named contact at the Police who you can ask for an update from? Hopefully Womens Aid will allocate someone soon and they will help you to find out what's happening.

CrazyRatLover · 21/07/2022 19:32

Of course the police will do something when he's broken bail. Why aren't you calling them?

Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:33

Yes I've reported it every time, and I've written everything down. They've got screenshots and everything they need. They won't do anything about the fact he broke into my house because can't prove it was him.
I don't get why the bail is put on if they are doing nothing about him breaking it.
He's really lost the plot

OP posts:
Exiledone · 21/07/2022 19:33

What have the police said when you have contacted them to report a breach? Is there evidence to prove he has done these things? They won't arrest someone without evidence TBH.

Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:33

CrazyRatLover · 21/07/2022 19:32

Of course the police will do something when he's broken bail. Why aren't you calling them?

But they aren't though! They've been out one further time to take an additional statement and still did nothing.

OP posts:
Exiledone · 21/07/2022 19:34

AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:33

Yes I've reported it every time, and I've written everything down. They've got screenshots and everything they need. They won't do anything about the fact he broke into my house because can't prove it was him.
I don't get why the bail is put on if they are doing nothing about him breaking it.
He's really lost the plot

Is he actually still on bail then?

If they've closed the case he won't be on bail anymore.

Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:34

Exiledone · 21/07/2022 19:33

What have the police said when you have contacted them to report a breach? Is there evidence to prove he has done these things? They won't arrest someone without evidence TBH.

Yes they've got all the screenshots. He was sending messages whilst I was sat with the officer. Still nothing. I'm frustrated beyond belief.

OP posts:
Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:35

Yes he's on bail til a date in august, they told me it's going to cps.

OP posts:
Audioslaw · 21/07/2022 19:35

If you have evidence of the messages that is enough to prove the breach to the CPS. I don't understand why he hasn't been rearrested yet. Do you know where he is?

Jellycatspyjamas · 21/07/2022 19:35

Do you have an Independent Domestic Abuse Advisor? The police should have referred you to one when you reported the abuse - sometimes accessed through Womens Aid but sometimes through the local authority or another third sector organisation. They will do a risk assessment and help with contact with the police, and possibly refer to MARAC depending on the risk to you and the children.

I assume the police also made a referral to social services who, again, can be a route back into the police given he’s breaking bail conditions. I’d echo the advice to contact the police every time he contacts you in any way, shape or form.

Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:36

Audioslaw · 21/07/2022 19:35

If you have evidence of the messages that is enough to prove the breach to the CPS. I don't understand why he hasn't been rearrested yet. Do you know where he is?

That's what I mean. Why aren't the police listening? How do I get them to listen? Hundreds of messages I've not responded to.

OP posts:
Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:38

Jellycatspyjamas · 21/07/2022 19:35

Do you have an Independent Domestic Abuse Advisor? The police should have referred you to one when you reported the abuse - sometimes accessed through Womens Aid but sometimes through the local authority or another third sector organisation. They will do a risk assessment and help with contact with the police, and possibly refer to MARAC depending on the risk to you and the children.

I assume the police also made a referral to social services who, again, can be a route back into the police given he’s breaking bail conditions. I’d echo the advice to contact the police every time he contacts you in any way, shape or form.

Yes all of these people have been in contact. I've even tried contacting the council domestic abuse service directly with no response.
The schools are aware and are supporting me but there's little they can do about him breaking his bail, the children services were more concerned about the impact on the children.

OP posts:
Fgstd · 21/07/2022 19:38

Contact your MP now on Twitter, contact the MP responsible for the law courts or police - contact the womens equality minister and tell them you are at risk of dying, that you are being stalked and the police are doing nothing, phone the station and demand to speak to the chief inspector (not duty seg) email them all leaving a paper trail detail what is happening and ask th to intervene before you are dead - get someone to pick it up.

Audioslaw · 21/07/2022 19:39

You should have been provided with the contact details of the officer in the case looking after your original case. You need to call in again and demand they attend. You will probably be asked the DASH questions (those 25 questions you would have been asked about the relationship/him) again, the escalation in his behaviour could increase the level of risk the police consider you to be at which should make them take it very seriously.
Do you know where he is? As in can you give his location to the police for arresting him?

Confusedteatowel · 21/07/2022 19:39

I'm sorry you're being let down. Do keep reporting it each time he contacts you. And keep your own diary plus screen shots etc to. I be really hope they do something soon. Do you have a named contact?

Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:39

Fgstd · 21/07/2022 19:38

Contact your MP now on Twitter, contact the MP responsible for the law courts or police - contact the womens equality minister and tell them you are at risk of dying, that you are being stalked and the police are doing nothing, phone the station and demand to speak to the chief inspector (not duty seg) email them all leaving a paper trail detail what is happening and ask th to intervene before you are dead - get someone to pick it up.

Thank you this is the type of thing I was looking for. I am so worried for my safety. I don't want to be another number to add to the women murdered by their ex partner

OP posts:
Confusedteatowel · 21/07/2022 19:40

*too

Audioslaw · 21/07/2022 19:40

I'm literally baffled in to why the breach of bail hasn't been dealt with this should be a priority call

Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:41

Yes there is a named contact but they've not been on shift much. When they did respond they said I should be contacting 101 which I also did in addition but also emailed them the evidence in addition.

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 21/07/2022 19:41

Go back to the police every single time he tries to contact you. If they have ignored him breaching his bail, go to your Police and Crime Commissioner and make a formal complaint. Do NOT talk to him or try to placate him. If he starts on your friends and family, they need to ring the police as well.

Has he been charged with anything?

Men like this are despicable and pathetic, but also very dangerous to the women they get involved with. You shouldn't have to shout louder, but sadly its the only way to get anyone to take notice.

Exiledone · 21/07/2022 19:42

It sounds like they are doing something. Just not what you need, which is to get him to actually stop.

If the police arrest him they cannot keep him in prison without charging him. Breach of police bail is not an offence he can be charged with. So at the moment the most they can do is arrest him and rebail him.

CPS are deciding whether or not to charge him. Until they make that decision, the police cannot really do anything apart from keep arresting him and rebailing him.

Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:42

Yes friends and family have also contacted police. One family member was meant to have a visit from police this week and they never showed up. 100s of messages to the family member. Threats etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:43

They said if he's arrested again he will be remanded til a next available court. I'm hoping that's preferable to be putting myself at risk

OP posts:
Original poster
AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:45

Surely it's harassment or stalking? That's a criminal offence? My property has been broken into and they haven't even attended to investigate? How will they know who it is if they don't do finger prints etc.

OP posts:
Exiledone · 21/07/2022 19:47

AtmyWitsEnd1234 · 21/07/2022 19:45

Surely it's harassment or stalking? That's a criminal offence? My property has been broken into and they haven't even attended to investigate? How will they know who it is if they don't do finger prints etc.

Yes but its CPS who make that decision. And even if he is arrested, charged and taken to court, it is highly likely the court will rebail him.

I'm not agreeing with this is any way the entire system is a farce.