Red flags? Or am I the red flag?

[Mememe2022]

Hey.
So I’ve been seeing a guy for about 6 months.
He’s lovely and he does make me feel good, most of the time. There have been occasions when he has made comments and it has hurt my feelings, I don’t think he meant it that way and I just kept it to myself. I think things sometimes come out the wrong way maybe?

Well past couple of days things have gotten to me, I wondered if I could get an outside view?

1. night before last he txt me goodnight, with a couple of emojis and cc’s…I replied goodnight with xx’s. he replied saying have you forgotten something so I added the emojis and he said you didn’t say I love you. I feel like you’re annoyed at me are you ok? So I replied to say I love you - but just to point out you didn’t say it either lol and no I’m fine. He didn’t even open the msg or read it which then did annoy me because he made a fuss about me not saying I love you and was checking if I was ok but the. Couldn’t even be assed to read my reply to the scenario. I obviously knew I was being a bit petty so didn’t bring it up.
2. i am by no means overweight but I have put on a few pounds and feel a little self conscious about it. He knows this. Last night he started patting my tummy and said oh are you pregnant? This upset me a little I thought it was insensitive and it made me feel bad about myself. He instantly saw it upset me and said I’m sorry I’m only joking.
3. later in the evening we were watching a programme and there were prostitutes on, amongst conversation I said have you ever slept with one? And he went mad at me (didn’t raise his voice or anything) but told me that had pissed him off and he got his things and went home. Saying he couldn’t believe I would ask that etc. i genuinely didn’t think it was going to be like that it was just a question and I was taken aback by the whole situation..but I’m wondering whether it is me that is the issue.

thanks x

Sounds like red flags to me. Im involved with a narcissist who acts like that. Literally counts how many kisses I put, he expects kisses after every single message, yesterday I left his good babe message on read because there's not much I can say to that and he asked if I was in a mood with him. He can ignore me all day, I do it and I'm told its not nice.

Jesus, get the hell out of this relationship, things will get way worse for you otherwise.

He made the comments not knowing they would offend you??
No one pats someone's tummy and jokes about them being pregnant unless they're awful.

Red Flag City. Get out now.

This - I wouldn’t touch a man who justified it or watched porn

He sounds very needy and insensitive .
But the prostitute question was out of order. How would you feel if he asked you if you had ever had sex for money?
Furious I would think. I don't think you to have a future.

Run for the hills mdear,he's a manipulator

A complete arse. Him not you
And fwiw I've asked the sex worker question out of idle curiosity and never had that response.
I know a couple of sex workers who definitely choose to do it, and don't think badly of their clients. But that's just an aside. He sounds awful.

Also that whole asking why you didn't say 'I live you', accusing you if being in a mood with him then vanishing - that was a clear set up to leave you panicking wondering if you'd said or done something to make him think that. He vanished because he wanted you sat there stressing. He didn't actually think you were in a mood with him. One big manipulation. Normal folk don't do that shit.

Nor do they comment on ppls weight like that.
You can't excuses that as 'not thinking'. Because of course he knew what he was doing. Even a 5 year old knows its not ok to call someone fat.

Fuck that wanker

Also betting you asked about prostitutes because your gut told you he used them. Looks like by his reaction it was right too.

He’s reminding me of a narc I almost dated - run!

Maybe we are both as bad as each other…
I made the comment innocently not realising it would offend him like it did…
he made his comments not realising they would offend me like they did??
both a bit insensitive maybe

OK, but did you storm off home after his insensitive comment?

I asked him if he’d slept with a sex worker not if he was one…2 different things?!

Thanks everyone

He sounds a game playing arse. I will never again tolerate a man commenting on my weight (unless he has genuine concerns for my health after a lot longer together than 6 months).

Did he actually answer the question? Ive come across men who rage and storm out so they dont have to answer, because the answer is yes.

Anyway, he is a controlling creep.

The other two are just misunderstandings and not much to write home about

@Fabswingers He knew how all women would feel if someone 'joked' that they looked pregnant when they'd put on a few lbs. It's not ok.

@Mememe2022 Definitely bin him. The prostitute question was something you maybe got wrong, but him dissing your figure is negging and not right.

And the text thing was stroppy, then rude.

I agree with PP's that his over-the-top 'How dare you think that of me?' and storming off does kind of imply that he has used prostitutes. Otherwise a person would tend to just laugh as it would be a preposterous idea for them.

And are you going to dump him?

I had similar conversations with my abusive ex. I wish I'd had the advice you've had here. Please run. Also, don't suppose he's Yorkshire based? Stay safe.

in a way they are different but both are absolutely insulting.

if the question even needs to be asked, the relationship is worthless.

why would you even entertain a man for whom you would have to ask the question?

You don’t sound compatible.

Hmm, no he's the problem here and I would get rid. I couldn't get over the 'Are you pregnant'? Cheeky fucker!
Regarding your prostitute question, would you have minded him asking if you had ever traded sex for money/meals out/gifts etc🤔

Dump.

I would bet money that he has slept with prostitutes.

if the question even needs to be asked, the relationship is worthless.

@FreudayNight Some men do see prostitutes. Some even have done it and don't see it as a problem. It's not always obvious whether a bloke is like that or not- a lot of very charming men do it. It's a valid question to ask as part of getting to know a man.

My ex FWB said 'only once when I was nineteen, on a stag do in Amsterdam.' Looking back I think this was a red flag and I shouldn'tve gone ahead with any sort of relationship with him. Thinking about it now, I also think he might well have been lying in some way (he lied about a lot of things.)

Of course, probably only certain men will even admit to having done it- most will probably lie, and some respond just like OP's boyfriend, and still be lying.