I don't know what to do- friend

[teaandtoastwithmarmite]

Hi there so I have posted a couple of times about dramas with my so called best friend.
In a nutshell she has gone very angry re Covid-vaccines and lockdowns. Also Russia, brexit (pro both) and refused to do a lot of her maid of honour duties for my wedding last year. She even asked me if she had to come to my hen do as she couldn't afford it (night out that's it). She has been quite vile to me over text but I understand it's been a hard time for a lot of people. She basically blames me for everything and is angry with everyone who doubted her 'evidence'. After her last bout of nastiness, which involved a personal attack on my anxiety, which she makes worse with her ghosting and making me read articles and answer questions, I told her to fuck off and let me know when she had stopped being a dick with a 😂 emoji so it didn't sound too harsh. She said 'won't happen' and we haven't spoken since apart from a brief exchange on our group chat and Facebook.
Anyway we have booked a group thing with our other friend like a concert and it so happens I have a few days off work. DH wants to go away on holiday that time but I think if I don't go to it its going to make me look petty. But what if she refuses to give me my ticket anyway. I just don't know what to do. I've been feeling bad about all of this anyway even though I've done nothing to deserve any of it. I just think this might be our chance to sort it out. And I feel bad that she's obviously struggling but doesn't realise it yet. Although after the wedding it just got brushed under the carpet then as well
Thanks if you made it to the end . Been friends 37 years

Yes I respect her opinion but I'd rather we just agree to disagree. She would say just read this or watch this then I'll stop talking about it. That's how I was like during a really bad anxiety case. Like ocd almost. How did you cope in the end then? Reducing contact. Did you say anything to her or just back away?

So this is great advice but do I just text her randomly saying it or wait until she texts me?

I can't see what options you have to keep the friendship. I suppose one thing is to tell her you think she needs to review her approach and you'll be ready to be friends again if she does?

"I haven't belittled you, I have simply said I don't want to do what you've ordered me to do on the reading front. I think we should respect each other enough after 35+ years of friendship to agree to disagree. If talking constantly about covid and (whatever else she's obsessed with that is causing issues) is your priority rather than maintaining our friendship then that's absolutely your choice to make and while I think it's a real shame, I respect your decision. But I am an adult and will not be ordered to read / watch things at someone else's command. If you want to pick up our friendship in future then I'll be here to talk but I want to make it clear I don't want to go over those subjects or be sent reading materials any more."

You could send something like that I guess, if you do want to give the friendship a chance?

But personally I wouldn't be able to be friends with her now due to her stance on Russia, considering what's happened in Ukraine. And we haven't even heard the most horrific parts yet, I'm sure.

Hi thanks for your post. Yes well that's a good answer and I wish I had written that.

I just looked back and I said I think we all did our best to muddle through at the time. I'm pissed off with boris etc but I want to move on as it's draining and she said I didn't muddle through I did my research and had the backbone to say it was bullshit. Everyone who was wrong wants to move on strangely enough. I said I had to put up with some shit so it's good I want to move on (alluding to her behaviour towards me). She said that's why you have constant anxiety because you're always moving on and never addressing anything that might cause you a bit of distress. I said that was below the belt and she would realise one day and she said sorry if you place for value on friends that make you 'feel good' than ones who tell you things you don't want to hear. Then she said about would you rather be anxious or dead then I said let me know when you've stopped being a dick etc
Sorry just wanted to give context

I just backed away. I had told her, over about three months, that there were certain things I didn't want to hear about anymore. She then struggled a bit for chat and admitted she spent all her free time online looking at this stuff and wasn't interested in other talk or seeing a film etc

It was easy enough because we both freelance and have periods of loads of work or very little. So some weeks we'd be in touch daily, then a month would pass where we weren't.

I told her I was mad busy the first quarter...then gradually left longer between replying to messages. I got a couple of "have you heard about xx" messages on Covid, I just said no. It's a lie. For example, I do know what's happening in China now but it's easier to say "no, not interested".

I think we had a friendly text exchange about a month ago but I'm pretty sure she's got the message and was just checking in because she heard about my mum being ill.

We have very few contacts in common so that doesn't matter, there's no mutual friends having to make a choice.

Would you be happy to keep being friends if she just let you be with your own opinions?

Interesting. Probably but she is quite negative and complains a lot. But we always had a good laugh. My DH used to say I never laughed with anyone the way I did with her. We have mutual friend but they live in the same city and I don't and they don't speak to each other unless it's with me really. We are all meant to be going to this concert together.

By the way thank you everyone for all your advice and support. Really appreciate it

I also don't know what to do about my other friend who is going to this concert

Why is that an issue? Have you decided what to do about the concert?

I don't want to let my other friend down if I don't go.

I think you're over worrying.

I tend to do that. I think she well both of them would go on holiday given the chance. It's just it will obviously look like I'm being nasty.

This morning looking at the news about the George Floyd case reminded me of when she made me watch a 20 min video of candace owens talking about it and saying he was a criminal etc and I felt quite happy I didn't have to put up with that anymore. I think our other friend will understand that if I can go on holiday I have to do it. As for this one well I have accepted it is over now. Your comments and advice have really helped me here. X

Well my dilemma appears to be resolved. Decided to go on holiday and whilst thinking about what to write mutual friends asks a question about it. Ex friend writes this message. Name changed
What a heartless bitch

I’m not sure if I can make it yet so probs best to assume I can’t for now and dunno about chairs. I’ll post two of the tickets through your door Emily over the next few days and it will have all the details on, might be worth checking website. I guess they can’t stop you taking chairs, but there might be some bullshit health and safety rule that says otherwise. If you know anyone who wants my ticket they can have it for a tenner

We're led to believe that any issues with a friend/partner/family member can be ironed out with a chat and a cup of tea. Reality is very different. Some people have personalities that make this impossible. That's just the truth of it. Op you can't make this lady behave or think like a friend. It's not your job to. There are thousands of people around you can be friends with.

I know and I do appreciate what you're saying. It's just so frustrating. She's throwing away a good friendship and I think she's just going to end up more and more isolated.

I called our other friend and she was fine. She doesn't understand why the other one is being a dick either.