Why are they like this?

[FragileLikeABomb]

Hey all.

Eurgh, why are men so flaky?

Got talking to someone on tinder. We were talking for a little bit and we then make plans to meet up. He cancels as he says works got really busy.

we carry on talking, having phone calls (not with his number) and make plans for another day. He messages me on the day of the meet to say he can’t make it.

I feel pissed off, so I stop talking to him. We start talking again and he’s all sorry and wants to meet, won’t let me down again.

we planed to meet at the weekend, he doesn’t message me all day. He replies to my message with “Think I’m scared of being a parent” that has nothing to do with us meeting.

Now he’s come back with “I’m not myself lately”

I feel so annoyed, more with myself. He wouldn’t even give me his mobile number - I mean that should have been a red flag from the get go. I’ve asked if he’s married, he said no. But I don’t know. His actions make me think he is.

Block and delete, he will waste your time.

That's a lot of red flags, and you've not even had a date. Bin him. And keep binning them until you meet one where you don't find yourself having to question any weird behaviour, and make sure to bin them at the first sign of any weirdness - it will fast track the time it takes to meet a decent bloke (they are out there, but it's a big swamp of rotten potatoes to sift through before finding a good one).

Why do you tolerate this?

nothing you have posted suggested this man was into you at all.

stop entertaining flaky dusty men and they won’t waste your time

a man who wants to see you is available for a date that week

Married, looking for an ego boost and the 'power' of dicking women about. As a pp says, don't entertain men like this. Shut them down fast.

@velvetvixen it wasn’t obvious when we first started talking. It was just normal talking, as you do. Then it went south when we arranged to meet. /:

He replies to my message with “Think I’m scared of being a parent” that has nothing to do with us meeting.

Did this make any sense at all in the context of your discussion? Or do you have DC that he's worried as you've given him the impression that he'll imminently need to step up and get involved with?

If neither of these I'd actually assume the text was for someone else. Maybe he has a pregnant gf/wife and he meant to send the message to a friend or family member he was confiding in

@drlel I have a child but there’s been no indication he’d ever meet them. I didn’t plan that far ahead. But when I pressed, he wouldn’t offer an explanation and the message I sent never mentioned children. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you just learn to be quicker to spot time wasters unfortunately, like you say he was hesitant to give his number out so he can't of been that interested. Any weird flaky behaviour, that should be it, no second chances. You will know when they are keen because they'll be wanting you to confirm your time to date them.
It's annoying but don't be too patient with them.

In that case I think he might be freaking out about a pregnant wife/gf and sent you that message in error

Is this guy good looking?

@SamCheshire yeah.

@drlel no idea.

I will copy and paste what i wrote to the "Just seen a guy I am seeing holding hands with a woman" thread......

Well as a guy, I'm going to be objective and brutally honest..
This fella probably has practically every woman on these dating app(s) swiping right on him..

I'm pretty good looking.. maybe a 6.5/10 and i get next to nothing on Tinder/Bumble.. 7.5/10 and above guys get practically everything. the remaining bottom guys get next to nothing.

It works a bit different for men, because most of us have a sparsity mentally due to what i just said, we will swipe right on practically anyone and sort things out later.

Block and forget about him.

The golden rule I think is that if it’s hard work in the beginning, it’s not going to work. The beginning should be the easiest bit! Don’t waste your time on the loser, just keep it moving until you find a decent one (they are out there :))

@MrStooo it never started flaky. It was just normal talking in the beginning. But I won’t think he ever had an intention to meet.

Dont*

Block and delete this tosser op. Never be someone's option . If a man likes you he will make it known.

@Inthesameboatatmo he always initiated convo, and I think that was one way I took that he was interested. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm not clear on whether he knows you have a child or not.

If he does it doesnt matter if you haven't said you intend to introduce then at any point; he would be thinking - if the relationship develops along a "nornal" that sooner or later he'd meet them ..... and later again, he'd become a step parent.

Is that what "I’m scared of being a parent” means?

If so, he's said loud and clear why he's flaking, but clearly is too indecisive and silly to stop messaging etc.

if the relationship develops along a "nornal" trajectory over time

Just block and move on. It's really not worth it. If they cancel once now that's it for me. I was talking to a guy, we were meant meet on Saturday. 1st week fine, keen swapped pictures, spoke on the phone. Second week cold , leaving messages on read. Tuesday I messaged and said could you let me know if we are still on please, as I have to make arrangements. Meeting an hour away, I was going stay in a hotel so that needed booking. Yes we still on. Then silence. So I deleted his number and thought right whatever. Saturday morning he messages about how tired he's been after a work course, we still on for later. I simply replied no thank you, I haven't heard from you since Tuesday I've made other plans now. And that was it. He never even replied. If men act like this before you have even met, at the stage their meant to be impressing you then there's no hope.

@LooseGoose22 he knew I had a child.

I can appreciate that, if he stuck to that, but there was endless excuses, then saying “I’m not feeling myself lately” I just felt he was using as many excuses as he could.

You are wasting too much of your valuable energy even debating this. Bin and move on.

@Rishiscreditcard im not talking to him.