Why are they like this?

[FragileLikeABomb]

Hey all.

Eurgh, why are men so flaky?

Got talking to someone on tinder. We were talking for a little bit and we then make plans to meet up. He cancels as he says works got really busy.

we carry on talking, having phone calls (not with his number) and make plans for another day. He messages me on the day of the meet to say he can’t make it.

I feel pissed off, so I stop talking to him. We start talking again and he’s all sorry and wants to meet, won’t let me down again.

we planed to meet at the weekend, he doesn’t message me all day. He replies to my message with “Think I’m scared of being a parent” that has nothing to do with us meeting.

Now he’s come back with “I’m not myself lately”

I feel so annoyed, more with myself. He wouldn’t even give me his mobile number - I mean that should have been a red flag from the get go. I’ve asked if he’s married, he said no. But I don’t know. His actions make me think he is.

Normal talking should last like 5 texts- if that. Anyone wanting to stretch this out is verging into pen pal/ego boost territory.

i love OLD. I am happily married and have my beautiful daughter thanks to bumble. But for it to be successful you have to be ruthless. That might mean you miss out on a genuinely hapless ‘nice guy’, but 9/10s- you are filtering out the timewasters.

men who are interested in you arrange dates pronto

Stop reading at Tinder.
Block and delete.

PS they are like this because they can be. Some woman will be chasing them (usually someone who has little expierence in old and learns the hard way)

If a guy arranged to meet me and I dont hear from him in the morning I assume we are not meeting. If he has the audiacity to text me that night some sort of excuse I usually send a laugh or smile emoji and block.

Mind you even with these standards I still get caught out - see my recent thread. So its not fool proof

About 30/40% (estimated) men on online dating are already married / in a partnership - the remaining usually have some one on the side / are not over their ex / already have someone
they are talking to. The others keep getting dumped because they are hopeless. There is a small proprortion of eligible guys but you have to be ruthless to get to them. And this wishy washy behaviour is fairly standard. Also do not bother giving them your number until you have met a couple of times as then you have the added hassle of blocking them etc - keep them on the app for as long as possible where you can block and delete asap ❤️

@Topcat9876 I met my ex on tinder, we were together 5 years. It’s so different now. He and I got talking, got on, swapped numbers and had a date, then it was 5 years later.

In all honesty, it’s only this time around that I’ve come across so many flakey men.

'Men' aren't like this. Some men are, some men aren't.

Dating is a filtering system. If someone does something you don't like, you don't psychoanalyse, and wonder why. They don't owe you anything, and they can behave however they want. Maybe he liked you then he didn't anymore. Maybe he was free then he wasn't. Maybe he's not been himself recently, and has told you the absolute truth at each point of communication. Who cares why he's done it?

Take responsibility for yourself. Be an adult. You met someone who treated you poorly, and you didn't walk away. The fault is his, but the responsibility is yours. Walk away from people who piss you off, rather than whining about why they are the way they are.