I've never posted before. But I've lurked, a lot. I've read all the threads of what I now realise is awful abusive behaviour in relationships and 6 months ago, it finally clicked that I was in an abusive relationship too.
I realised that sexual contact while I'm asleep is not a compliment and is very much not okay.
I learned that having limited funds to my own earnings is not "just what couples do" and is financially abusive. As is having to ask for money for basic while he spends whatever he wants on whatever takes his fancy.
I learned that constant derogatory comments isn't "banter" it's verbal abuse.
That explosive rages are not normal responses to stress as well as hundreds of other red flags that I was just too conditioned to ignore.
It took much longer than it should have, but I finally got me and DD out. Thanks again to MN I knew that leaving is the most dangerous time and again MN were right!
I was threatened with a weapon in front of my daughter but we did it! We got out physically unharmed and I was also prepared for what was coming next: the begging and pleading and love bombing. Which I have successfully ignored for the past few months.
I must sound incredibly stupid to you all for not realising and getting out sooner, but without MN I would still be there. Still be terrified within my own home, waiting to see what mood he got home in or how drunk he was.
So thank you MN! Even if threads are fake or the advice doesn't appear to be appreciated to the Op, there is someone reading it and it might just save their life. I don't have many friends or family (I wonder why!) so I had no one close enough to tell me the life I was living was fucked up.
4 months on from leaving, DD and I are doing amazingly well. We have our own place, we are happy, we dance and sing and laugh and don't worry about waking him up or stressing him out or making too much noise or breaking whatever arbitrary rule he imposed that day.
We watch rubbish films and play board games where we both cheat to ridiculous degrees and eat snacks in the front room without worrying about crumbs.
In short, because this post could go on forever with all the things I put up with and all the things we do now without fear, we live.
And it's fucking amazing.
Thank you MN. You're my favourite kind of vipers.