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Original poster

Can’t believe it. Bumped into ex…

29 replies

shelly101x · 17/07/2022 09:53

My head is fried, I bumped into my ex at huge festival. Ex dumped me 4 weeks ago due to me being too anxious and it turning into arguments. Drained him in the end. My mental health wasn’t great at the time.

Literally there was 20,000 people at this festival. He ended up right behind me not only during one music set but TWO DIFFERENT ONES.

He said hi to me and we got chatting about what we’ve been up to. He told me he’s okay but been struggling and it’s been hard for him.

I then lost my friends and my phone died - annoyingly he insisted on getting me home safe. He was very flirty, the sexual tension was unreal. We kept looking at each other up and down, he was a little bit touchy and he kept saying “oooof you look seriously fit today”. Honestly the sexual tension was unreal. Kept catching each other’s gaze for ages.

He then said he’s very sorry but it’ll never work. He’s not in the headspace for anything right now, with anyone, and he doesn’t believe things would ever change. We argued too much and didn’t get on (but we do, I was just going through hard time). He apologised if he led me on tonight but said he was still very attracted to me and kept saying he’d never find anyone as fit as me. He put his arm around me a few times.

He said he felt so happy that he saw me happy today and he was so happy for me feeling better in myself. He said his last goodbye, gave me a huge hug and kiss on the forehead and held my hand. I said I never stopped loving him and he said “yeah I care about you too” OUCH

My brain is fried and I’m just so upset and confused.

OP posts:
Moretodo · 17/07/2022 10:00

He's not actually saying anything though is he? Just kinda stringing you along and now you feel confused.
There's nothing to be confused about.
He led you on, he knows youre interested, he felt powerful probably and left feeling he could have you if he wanted but he doesn't.

It would have been better for you if you didn't entertain it, but you did and now feel unsettled.

Don't entertain him again, put your feelings, and wellbeing first.
It's not good for you.

GreenManalishi · 17/07/2022 10:02

Ahhh, the one that got away, if you've not got one of these you'll have nobody to sit in a chair and stare out of the window thinking about, with a half smile and a mild stab in the heart when you're old like me! Heartbreak is a bitch, it really is, but it get's easier.
From what I can gather he was trying to boost your ego, by telling you how good you looked, he may have also been testing the water to see if he'd get lucky one last time. H was really clear with the "I care about you" and the kiss on the forehead was a definite friendzone. It's a fine line to walk, but if he was interested in getting back together with you he would have let you know clearly. If you're confused, he's not interested. He probably does care about you, but realises it's over. Stay busy with your mates, take care of yourself, it's such a massive cliche but give it a bit of time, in six months you'll feel completely different.

TokyoTen · 17/07/2022 10:33

From what you say he was giving you a clear message you are in the friendzone. He stroked your ego a bit, was nice to you but it's over. Concentrate on enjoying yourself and should you meet him again then withdraw more quickly - cheery wave and smile and move away.

Fabswingers · 17/07/2022 10:40

It’s called: being strung along.

Original poster
shelly101x · 17/07/2022 12:43

It’s just made me feel awful. I didn’t wanna stay but my phone was dead and I didn’t know how to get home on the tubes. His mate was there too so I just hung back but he then disappeared too :/

OP posts:
NoodleNuts · 17/07/2022 19:33

I don't even think he was stringing you along. He saw you, still fancies you so had a good time and hung out with you but then remembered why he had broken up with you in the first place and knows a relationship wouldn't work.

Original poster
shelly101x · 17/07/2022 19:41

I think that’s true too. He said it’s only been 3 weeks and he’s not in the headspace for anything with anyone, me included, but said there’s probably no chance in the future either.

I feel like a mug now though. He seemed genuinely sorry and a bit upset, and kept hugging me and telling me I’ll be ok. Told me to get home safe about 1000 times - so I dropped him a text saying I got home safe and glad he had a good day.

……He hasn’t even bothered to open it

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 17/07/2022 19:56

NoodleNuts · 17/07/2022 19:33

I don't even think he was stringing you along. He saw you, still fancies you so had a good time and hung out with you but then remembered why he had broken up with you in the first place and knows a relationship wouldn't work.

Yes this.

Kindly OP, he is just not interested. It’s a bugger you ran into him but there you go.

Move on.

AMindNeedsBooks · 17/07/2022 20:09

I don't actually think he did anything wrong. He wanted to make sure you got home safe because he cares about you as a human being. I'm sure he still finds you attractive but he did not try to sleep with you and kissed you on the forehead. If you had been drinking and going by your post you still want to be with him, he could have tried to take advantage but he didn't.

Time to move on.

Original poster
shelly101x · 17/07/2022 20:11

No I agree he could’ve easily tried to take advantage. I suppose I just feel like an idiot because it was quite heavy and I feel it’s made things worse. He did seem genuinely sorry and he did look teary when he left me ….. ignoring my text makes me think it was all too much for him and I feel bad now and like an idiot

OP posts:
AMindNeedsBooks · 17/07/2022 20:14

Just to clarify my PP, NO ONE should obviously ever take advantage, I meant given your mental state at that time if he was looking for something sexual he would have made a move but he didn't. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, it sounds as if there were lots of arguments. I think he did the right thing (making sure you got home safe) and not leading you on. I've no idea why other posters think he did.

AMindNeedsBooks · 17/07/2022 20:18

shelly101x · 17/07/2022 20:11

No I agree he could’ve easily tried to take advantage. I suppose I just feel like an idiot because it was quite heavy and I feel it’s made things worse. He did seem genuinely sorry and he did look teary when he left me ….. ignoring my text makes me think it was all too much for him and I feel bad now and like an idiot

Sorry, x post. I'm sorry you felt that way. It is clear there are emotions on both sides but he has realised that it doesn't work, whether he cares about you or not.

That is a sign of maturity. Don't feel silly feeling the way you do, I'm sure it was confusing because of your own feelings and it's been confusing for him too.

Let this go and concentrate on yourself.

Alopeciabop · 17/07/2022 20:20

This genuinely isn’t meant to be rude but maybe watch he’s just not that into you. I think it’s on Netflix or Prime. In that movie you will probably find your answer.

IrisM22 · 17/07/2022 20:22

Don't contact him again for any reason, honestly. I went through an almost identical situation a few years ago and now I look back and cringe that I just couldn't let go even when he told me as kindly as possible that we would never have any future together. I feel for you, I remember the absolute heartache and torture that was knowing he was just a text or phone call away, but honestly time really is the great healer.

Original poster
shelly101x · 17/07/2022 20:49

He just replied to my text but I am definitely just leaving it there. He said “glad you got home safe, was good to see you smile again x”

OP posts:
Bibonelove · 17/07/2022 20:51

Cut him off, don't cling on to a few breadcrumbs, it didn't work for a reason and you deserve so much more than that

Blanca87 · 17/07/2022 21:01

Yeah he is trying to be kind and neutral with that comment. Just leave alone or you will spend the next 12 months or more being strung along. It’s not worth the time, energy or headspace

Folklore9074 · 17/07/2022 21:19

Delete his number now. It's not that confusing. He's been super clear and you don't want to end up look desperate. You'll be glad you cut him off in the long run.

sidheandlight · 17/07/2022 21:30

He is being clear, he liked you, he knows it won't work. He kissed you on the forehead, that is never good in terms of continuing a sexual relationship. Hw is fond of you but at least he is being clear.

Annoyedwithmyself · 18/07/2022 07:23

Not great timing as it's so fresh and he shouldn't have complimented you so much but it sounds like he's been clear about what he wants, which is not to rekindle things. You'll be fine, he was kind and respects you as a person. Have you sought any treatment for your anxiety? If that's what was causing rows then it would be helpful to try and ease this/ find better coping mechanisms for when you are ready to look for a relationship again.

Heatstrokeunsteady · 18/07/2022 07:30

He want to have sex with you
He doesn’t get along with you

Separate the two.

Sex isn’t love for him.
Sex seems to be live with you.

I am not trying to be harsh but you sound confused so I am spelling it out. You can do better. Why wasn’t he supporting you through your mh struggles? The right person would, you know.

Original poster
shelly101x · 19/07/2022 11:34

Thanks everyone. I know I need to accept it’s over but the exchange really really set me back. I’ve been crying each morning and feel sick permanently. I just wish it could’ve been different that’s all.

OP posts:
Original poster
shelly101x · 19/07/2022 11:54

On reflection he actually tried so hard for us and I’m so regretful. He was supportive, really bigged me up but he became exhausted. I just feel like a monster really

OP posts:
AMindNeedsBooks · 19/07/2022 11:59

You are NOT a monster. You just aren't in the right place for a relationship at the moment.

Work on yourself and get yourself in a good place and when you're ready you'll be able to have a healthy relationship x

Sartre · 19/07/2022 12:28

It’s a shame you bumped into him, none of this hurt would have occurred had you not and I’d put money on him most likely never contacting you again if you hadn’t seen him. Guessing you were drunk? Or at least had been drinking so that possibly fuelled some of the sexual tension. He’s been completely honest with you so I don’t think he’s stringing you along. He doesn’t want to be with you anymore so you need to accept this and move on.