Relationship is a toxic awful mess

[Inamess2022]

Hi, I am sitting here on a beautiful Saturday evening in bits and in tears. I don’t know where to start but my relationship is in a complete and utter state. Because I had feelings and could never fully accept his “co-parenting” aka basically really intense relationships with his children and still going in and out of his ex’s house weekly, plus a multitude of other things that have played out including arguments in front of his kids, being made to feel left out, being told I “hate his kids” and I’m “gaslighting” him. I have been called a cunt/insecure/jealous and now I have a feeling he is going to try and inform people that I have “mental health issues”. There is a lot more that I could say. He won’t leave the house willingly. I am worn down, depressed, scared of being alone again with my child but equally cannot live in a state of heightened anxiety and tension for much longer. I have spent most of today in tears.

It will take time and it will be full of ups and downs but in time you will start to see the positives and feel brighter about the future. For now accept the grief and be kind to yourself. Your head is already there but your heart may take a while to catch up

If anyone could give any tips on dealing with anxiety about the future it would help massively as I am hugely struggling. I’m trying to put a brave face on for my child but am on the verge of tears a lot and am panicking about what things are going to be like financially emotionally everything. It doesn’t help when out and about seeing what I perceive as happy normal families either 😞

Give yourself a break, you've taken a massive step and got him out. No matter how terrible you feel you clearly realise that no matter how hard this is the object is to be rid of him. It's never easy getting rid of an abusive person.

I have been in a very similar situation and I recognise the panic and feeling of being overwhelmed that you describe.
When you get these anxiety attacks try talking about yourself in the 3rd person, as if you were describing a friend and remind yourself that you are actually a strong person

1. Inamess can do this, she has managed to get this man out of your life, already that is the action of a strong person
2. Also she managed to see through his gaslighting and remembered who she actually were (not a toxic angry person).
3. She has maintained a good relationship with her dc’s father to create a healthy atmosphere for her dc It is also really important to sort out your financial situation with a calm mind - be very practical in terms of what you need to have in place not have to worry too much over the next 6 -12 months so this does not add to any anxiety. Do the budgeting and planning so that you are on top of this, it will also help add to your feeling that you can do this.