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Original poster

Getting back with an ex

35 replies

Startingagain86 · 16/07/2022 16:09

i was with my ex for three years, we lived together for one, no children, never married. He is 48 and I am 41. We broke up just over two years ago because we were arguing a lot and he (despite his age) really wanted kids and I didn’t. I loved him a lot, he was my best friend and we had a lot in common… similar interests, careers, etc. The breakup was painful but we remained friends, although we have drifted with time. Shortly after we broke up, he met a 33 year old woman (she is now 35) and they moved in together very quickly (within 5 months). They have now been together two years. They got in engaged in October and are planning to get married next summer. I think they are also trying to conceive. I don’t understand this at all. She is just the rebound. Why would he go to such lengths to prove something to himself or me? And do you think I should tell him that I still love him, so we can be together?

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 16/07/2022 16:15

Erm... what makes you think he is with a woman for TWO YEARS, getting married, and trying to have a child to prove some thing to you?!? Obviously your relationship broke up as sometimes they do, he's moved on and found someone else to fall in love with and what on earth makes you think he'd want to give that up for another go with someone who is fundamentally on a different page to him?!

Shopgirl1 · 16/07/2022 16:21

I think you need to move on, just like he has.
While you continue to wait around hoping to get back together you are missing out on chances to meet someone you will be compatible with and find happiness with.

KangarooKenny · 16/07/2022 16:21

He said he wanted a baby, so why wouldn’t he go ahead and have one ? He’s moved on, you need to also.

Original poster
Startingagain86 · 16/07/2022 16:24

I have dated other people. I have moved on. I just get the feeling he hasn’t. He still sent me a birthday card and he still likes my Facebook/instagram posts. You know when you know and I really think he is still in love with me.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 16/07/2022 16:40

Sorry op but youre being a little bit selfish.

He's been with this woman for two years. She isn't the rebound-at least, not anymore. They're even engaged and they've been together almost as long as you two were.

I'd say back away from him entirely.

Maybe the reason you feel he hasn't moved on, is because you aren't letting him.

Also 'do we can be together'. What makes you think he would even want you back? It sounds like it was a mutual break up.

Move on op.
He has.

OrlandointheWilderness · 16/07/2022 17:08

There is no way in earth you have moved on. I'm sorry but I think you need to be honest with yourself.

DragonflyNights · 16/07/2022 17:13

Sorry but he has moved on, she isn’t ‘just the rebound’ and the ‘friendship’ was a friendship for him and for you a way to hold on and wait for him to come back. You can’t have a proper friendship with someone if there are unresolved romantic feelings which there have been for you.

Ita time to let go and move forward with your life. He is your ex, not your ‘ex for now’. It’s been two years and he’s about to get married. Liking a Facebook post takes half a second. Deciding to spend your life with someone is an actual commitment. I know it’s painful, but you wanted different things and he’s moved on with someone who i’m guessing he feels he can have those things with since he he’s marrying her. You’re holding onto something that died a long time ago. Im really sorry but if he loved you and wanted to be with you you would know for sure, not be clinging on to a birthday card or social media likes as an indication he still feels the same way you do.

Isnt it time now to get your life back and heal?

Bellyups · 16/07/2022 17:14

He met someone else and they want the same things. Simple.

Move on. I mean REALLY move on

Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2022 17:16

And do you think I should tell him that I still love him, so we can be together?

Have you lost your mind? This is worst idea ever.

SkeletonFight · 16/07/2022 17:17

Why on earth are you thinking this?

katieg03 · 16/07/2022 17:21

Bellyups · 16/07/2022 17:14

He met someone else and they want the same things. Simple.

Move on. I mean REALLY move on

Exactly this!

Govesdancingpartner · 16/07/2022 17:22

Wow you need to catch a wake up call. He loves her he is marrying her. Move on and stop thinking you know what he wants

WildFlowerBees · 16/07/2022 17:23

No one likes to be the one before the one but seems he's found what he's looking for so leave them to it and wish him well.

Sandra1984 · 16/07/2022 17:27

He's a breeder and you're not, you guys inhabit different worlds. You may be the love of his life but his need to breed is more powerful than any love he has for you. He is were he needs to be: with his new family. You need to move on and find a non breeder man. Stop feeling attached to him.

Hawkins001 · 16/07/2022 17:36

For me, id consider another chance with my ex, but I'm letting it be the ex, coming to me, as and when they want to.

Hawkins001 · 16/07/2022 17:36

All the best and positivity op

Original poster
Startingagain86 · 16/07/2022 19:14

She is definitely the rebound. They met a month after he moved out of our house. He had told me he wanted to marry me. He had even bought a ring. I think the only reason he never proposed was because part of him thought I was too good for him and he loved me more then I loved him. I think maybe his feelings for me are stronger then mine for him, but I do love him. I’m just wondering if I should tell him and if so how?

OP posts:
Notodaynotever · 16/07/2022 19:31

It sounds like you need a reality check for your own sanity. The nuclear option is putting this to him in person. You might get closure. You'll lose the friendship. I can't think of another option for you unless you're able to just catch yourself on. What you're saying sounds unhinged.

Lbnc2021 · 16/07/2022 19:39

jeezo OP you really need to get over yourself 🙈

Iwantachange · 16/07/2022 19:47

The reason he likes ur posts and sends you cards is that you are the backup plan in case things don't work out with the current woman. There is no need to tell him u live him, he knows, and that's why u are the backup plan cause he knows he can come back to you whenever and you will get with him

Also don't be that kind of woman who throws herself at a taken bloke. Have some self respect jeez

Minimalme · 16/07/2022 19:51

You broke up. You guys had your chance and it didn't work.

You are incompatible.

Currently he thinks back to your relationship with a degree of fondness. If you declare your love for him he will avoid you forever and ever since it is a nuts things to do.

seaUrchinOne · 16/07/2022 19:59

You wanted different things, so even if you did get back together, you both wouldn't be happy. He has found what he's looking for but you haven't yet, that's why your still clinging on to this.

newbiename · 16/07/2022 20:05

He wants children , you don't.
He's getting married to someone who wants children.
Even if she was the rebound , they are still together and they are getting married.
You sound very selfish and really arrogant. Leave them alone.

IncompleteSenten · 16/07/2022 20:06

He wants children.

Leave him alone.

Let him have the family he wants.

HaggisBurger · 16/07/2022 20:07

You sound deluded OP. Catch a grip

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