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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to handle hurtful comments

44 replies

Rosieloop · 15/07/2022 21:23

Hi Mumsnet,

My recent ex said he never fancied me. never enjoyed sex with me. It’s deeply hurtful and I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. He’s made comments about my body before, saying I put on weight and neglected keeping in good condition. But who hasn’t during the pandemic? Including him!!

Anyway I would say I’m a fairly attractive woman. I still get plenty of interest from men on a daily basis. Men approach me on the train, in bars etc. I’m a size 12, but usually a 10. So I’m not fat at all!!

What hurts most of all is that he said he is checking out hot women in the gym. I’ve seen these women as I used to go to the gym with him. They’re usually young, 20 something year olds, and wear lots and lots of make up. He said I’m not as hot or fuckable as them. I told him he should go and get with one of them. And he said that’s the plan.

It’s so deeply hurtful. This guy isn’t even all that. He’s in his 40s and hardly George clooney!

I just can’t believe he would say these things to me. We weren’t arguing. I wasn’t being a bitch to him.

Maybe he thought he’s be cruel to let me go. I don’t know.

I’m usually good at overcoming silly comments but these have cut deep. Help.

OP posts:

Mydogatemypurse · 15/07/2022 21:24

Get rid..plenty of men will never treat you like that or speak to you like that
Hes the problem not you. Get out ASAP

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 15/07/2022 21:30

Just tell him you agree the sex was shit but just assumed it was due to his small dick /lack of stamina /premature ejaculatio. .. A comment he won't forget it a hurry.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/07/2022 21:41

Good god he’s being nasty because he’s a totally inadequate man.

Block and forget,

Binkywonky · 15/07/2022 21:49

This is like a stroppy toddler saying they hate everything because they want to lash out.
remind yourself he’s just being pathetic and saying things he believes you will care about and he almost certainly doesn’t think any of it but even if he did this isn’t a man who you would ever want to let near your wonderful self ever again. He sounds nasty and cruel and I strongly suggest you tell him to fuck off and then block his number and just be so glad you don’t have to listen to or look at him again. You are worth so much more than some nasty Arsehole.

then have a laugh at how all those 20 year olds in the gym are going to look at him like he’s a pathetic revolting worm when he sidles up to them licking his lips.

EarthSight · 15/07/2022 22:17

Asshole.

This guy isn’t even all that. He’s in his 40s and hardly George clooney

They very frequently aren't, but they have an incredibly sexist expectation that women have to put up with them no matter what they look like, whilst they think they deserve all the young hotties...of course. They think that it's a woman's duty to look a certain way. Good thing you're not with him anymore. He sounds like a twat, and a cruel one too.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/07/2022 22:29

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 15/07/2022 21:30

Just tell him you agree the sex was shit but just assumed it was due to his small dick /lack of stamina /premature ejaculatio. .. A comment he won't forget it a hurry.

Absolutely this. And make that your last ever conversation with him.
He's an Ex, you don't have to talk to him at all. Can't imagine why you would to talk to an obnoxious creeper...ogling girls young enough to be his daughter, how revolting!

GreenManalishi · 15/07/2022 22:44

Was this conversation before or after he became your ex? Make that the last time you are available to listen to his shit, because that's what it is. Block him, delete and move on, there are plenty of people out there, and you don't have to deal with this from him. It amazes me, these average middle aged men demanding high standards from their woman, sexy lingerie, exacting grooming etc while they're getting about in twelve year old greying underpants, with spotty arses. Leave him to it, the sad little man.

CrystalCoco · 16/07/2022 08:44

Wow what an absolute prick!

He's really gone scorched earth here hasn't he! He's likely picked these comments as he knows it's what's going to upset you the most, there doesn't need to be a grain of truth for this to still hurt as the comments are super nasty and hurtful.

Now you've seen his true colours you won't need to spend any time pining over the loss of the relationship (if you even were) and use these comments as proof of what an obnoxious little shit you're now free from and won't ever have to listen to or look at ever again.

Block his number and try not to dissect his comments further, they were designed to upset you, that's all x

TreePoser · 16/07/2022 08:48

Eugh, let this shallow deluded arsehole get back in to the pond.

Or tell him you're in the library checking out emotionally mature self-aware men.

Maytodecember · 16/07/2022 08:51

And that’s why he’s your ex. Nasty piece of work, one of those that picks on sensitivities and deliberately hurts you.
Move on from this waste of space.

TreePoser · 16/07/2022 08:53

On a serious note though, who doesn't enjoy sex because their partner is 5lbs heavier than they were 2 years ago. His view of sex is that the more ''fuckable'' the person you're fucking, the more enjoyable the fuck is. I'm mortified for him that he doesn't realised how emotionally stunted this is. But he doesn't see it. He's out there announcing his lack of awareness and his immaturity like it's a manifesto to stand behind and taunt you with. All he's doing is proving how cruel and stupid he is. This man can't offer a woman anything more than a fuck that she'll regret.

Original poster

Rosieloop · 16/07/2022 11:34

So apparently he never fancied me ever. He only dated me in the beginning because I was a nice person. Right.

He made similar comments before but since being my recent ex this is the first thing he’s talked about the hot women in the gym and how he plans to fuck them.

He’s never had a long term sexual relationship and he’s 44. He was a virgin well into his 30s. Now he thinks he’s going to turn into a serial shagger? Enough said.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rosieloop · 16/07/2022 11:35

His view of sex is that the more ''fuckable'' the person you're fucking, the more enjoyable the fuck is.
Confused I'm mortified for him that he doesn't realised how emotionally stunted this is.

All he's doing is proving how cruel and stupid he is.

Exactly. I explained this but he said he can’t help what he finds sexually attractive.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rosieloop · 16/07/2022 11:40

I’ve sent him a few home truths as I was unable to say on the phone - I just hung up
I emailed him a picture of a highly muscular and drop dead gorgeous man who I said is fuckable and next to him he just looks like a weed. Works both ways, right?
he thinks by going to the gym he’s going to develop an amazing body for all these women to be attracted to
he’s 44 and has no muscle definition, even from before, he’s skinny and has no shape
he is almost white on top, old man hair
he takes drugs to stop baldness
he has a small penis and doesn’t know how to use it
and he thinks I’m the unfuckable one? and the gym women (of which I am one) will look at him?

OP posts:

sleepymum50 · 16/07/2022 11:47

When I talk to my husband, even if arguing I always tell the truth, or at least my version of what I believe to be the truth.

It took me a pathetically long time to realise that some people don’t work this way. They will say anything to achieve their goal. It might be to hurt you, get their own way etc.

So you need to separate the the fact that what he says is anywhere near the truth. It’s not even what he’s thinking. Sometimes people can only make themselves feel good, by deliberately making you feel bad. It’s just pathetic.

Didimum · 16/07/2022 11:52

He’s lying, OP. He’s just trying to be nasty.

Original poster

Rosieloop · 16/07/2022 11:56

I genuinely believe he never fancied me. He was never keen on sex. And he’s also been like this in previous relationships.

I know I’m attractive - not that it even matters.

What annoys me is how he felt completely justified to be so cruel. Why? What’s the point? We were having a difficult conversation. Not even arguing.

OP posts:

Yahyahs22 · 16/07/2022 11:59

Hes insecure and he will not get those women. Enjoy your life without him

chiffchaffchiff · 16/07/2022 12:14

Forget about him and go find someone who makes you happy. When he moves on, don't get jealous or be tempted to win him back. He'll still be lusting after young girls and making the next woman feel like crap, even if you can't see it from the outside.

yellowsmileyface · 16/07/2022 12:36

Eww as if he has a chance with any of the girls at the gym!

Why are you letting this weedy loser, who's blatantly feeling really insecure and regretting losing a good thing, get inside your head? He's trying to hurt you because he's feeling shit himself, and he wants you to feel like shit too.

He sounds emotionally abusive, and like the kind of misogynist who expects women to always look sexually appealing to men but men don't need to make any effort because they're so entitled to sex anyway. You know, the kinda guy who uses words like "fuckable".

You dodged a bullet with this one. Block and delete.

Pkwio · 16/07/2022 12:37

Why are you even talking to this ex?

3peassuit · 16/07/2022 12:40

Do talk to him, he’s not worth your time. Be glad he’s an ex.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 16/07/2022 14:40

Thank god he's your ex, OP. You never have to think about him again. And he certainly isn't worth wasting one second of thought on.

merryhouse · 16/07/2022 15:35

So he has sex with people he doesn't fancy?

What a weirdo.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 16/07/2022 15:39

He sounds like a stupid teenage boy.

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