How to handle hurtful comments

[Rosieloop]

Hi Mumsnet,

My recent ex said he never fancied me. never enjoyed sex with me. It’s deeply hurtful and I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. He’s made comments about my body before, saying I put on weight and neglected keeping in good condition. But who hasn’t during the pandemic? Including him!!

Anyway I would say I’m a fairly attractive woman. I still get plenty of interest from men on a daily basis. Men approach me on the train, in bars etc. I’m a size 12, but usually a 10. So I’m not fat at all!!

What hurts most of all is that he said he is checking out hot women in the gym. I’ve seen these women as I used to go to the gym with him. They’re usually young, 20 something year olds, and wear lots and lots of make up. He said I’m not as hot or fuckable as them. I told him he should go and get with one of them. And he said that’s the plan.

It’s so deeply hurtful. This guy isn’t even all that. He’s in his 40s and hardly George clooney!

I just can’t believe he would say these things to me. We weren’t arguing. I wasn’t being a bitch to him.

Maybe he thought he’s be cruel to let me go. I don’t know.

I’m usually good at overcoming silly comments but these have cut deep. Help.

He made similar comments before but since being my recent ex this is the first thing he’s talked about the hot women in the gym and how he plans to fuck them.

Aw bless him and his little delusions. The only thing he'll be fucking is his hand.

I bet you're one of those posters who also tell people they sound like really hard work. Without any sense of irony at all.

I agree he's being horrible but why retaliate with a list of things you don't like about him and a picture to illustrate his shortcomings? It's like trying to beat him at his own game of being shallow. I'd just move on.

Oh what a lucky escape you have had.

Think back, if you were a 20something pretty gym bunny would you have even looked at lustfully a 40year old plus male? Fuck no until hell freezes over.

Feel sorry for the younger women he will letch over rather than get upset. Hopefully the gym boss will bar him for being a sleeze because at best that is what he is. He's been on incel, you deserve an attractive woman to fuck websites, which convince losers it's the woman's problem they are getting porn sex.

It's pathetic and too common nowadays.

You've had a lucky escape.

Stop comparing your worth to what he thinks of your body. This is how these sad pathetic incels continue to justify their poisonous philosophy.

Aren't getting porn sex

The language you tolerate - and use yourself - “hot” “fuckable” etc speaks volumes.

Oh and “bitch” used by you!

I’d work on getting some self-respect and stop seeing women and yourself in these cliché ways.

Then you won’t have to “deal” with “hurtful” comments. Because the language will be so viscerally unacceptable to you - you will walk away within a nano second.

He’s was just negging you to build himself up and keep you in your place as he feels you’re too good for him. Block and delete and don’t give him the power to make you feel bad. He sounds like a complete twat. Be glad he’s an Ex and move on.

I understand your feelings of hurt & rejection but please ... stop this.

You need to stop communicating with this awful man.
No man repeatedly shags a woman he doesn't want to. He is making up horrible things to say to you - you don't need to accept what he is saying.

Communicating with him is bringing you nothing but negativity & pain.
Block him & delete all his contacts.

Coming from him I would have found his comments hilarious rather than hurtful.

Please dont drag yourself down to his level OP

Even if it had a grain of truth to it...what's worse, being a woman that one arsehole of a man didn't fancy, or being a man that was with someone they didn't fancy for ages...and then rubbed that fact in needlessly, after they split

As for how to handle...ask yourself what motivation someone who makes these types of comments would have. Then ask yourself why you're letting him have this effect on you. If you have to communicate to sort out finances or something then grey rock, otherwise block

Why are you talking to him? He is your ex. Cut all contact. You have no need to be in contact with him. He's shown himself to be cruel, immature and shallow so it's not like you want to stay friends is it?!

He is saying things just to hurt you and make himself feel better. Don't let him see he's had an effect. That will just make him worse. Even if you have to fake it for a while, act as though he is irrelevant. If you see him, nod a disinterested 'hi' and walk past. If he calls you say you're busy and have to go.

Then plan other stuff so you don't have to fake it. Have other plans. Build your confidence back up, because he's torn it down. You are lucky to havr got away from him. He sounds vain, childish and deeply unattractive.

Is there any reason you need to talk.to him, kids, moving out of shared property? If not then block. Don't lower yourself. He is saying all these things to hurt you, and you're now.doing the same.

Great one 👍🤣

Why are you even letting an EX abuse you?! BLOCK HIM. If he carries on trying to contact you then threaten a restraining order.

This man is insecure and saying horrible things to hurt you. He wants to bring you down and ruin your confidence, please ignore him. Immature men have a way of doing this when things don’t go their way. All of a sudden they never fancied the woman, things weren’t great etc. please just ignore him, don’t bother replying or sinking to his level. Instead just say he must be happy that you two are no longer dating then and leave it at that. I honestly think it won’t be long until he’s back messaging you and wanting you back!