Hi all :) I’m writing this on behalf of my husbands friend, I’ve tried to be thorough with getting all the info, but I’m sorry if I leave anything out that would be useful to know, just ask and I’ll clarify with “Ben”.
So, basically, Ben has been with his wife for 7 years, and married for 5 years. They have three kids together, and he has two from a previous relationship which he has custody of. His wife doesn’t have a job, but stays at home to look after the house and kids, which she’s wonderful with.
Ben works long hours, makes good money, and makes sure to spend quality time with his wife and kids, together and separately (we know this to be true), and is generous with money. He also has a couple of hobbies.
Recently, Ben came to my husband complaining that his wife was getting annoyed about him enjoying one of his hobbies and would complain about the noise, so he tried to stop making any noise. Then she complained about the space it takes up, so he moved it out of the way, but she still wasn’t happy. He also said that other times when he would begin to do his hobby, she would try to distract him with sex by behaving in an overtly sexual manner. My husband suggested that perhaps it wasn’t the hobby that she was upset about, but that maybe she was resentful of him doing his hobby while the kids were up and about, as he might have finished work but she clearly hadn’t finished her day, and that maybe she felt a bit neglected, so he should probably wait until he’d helped get the kids to bed and spent some time with her before doing the hobby. He agreed, and made the changes, but when she still wasn’t happy and he asked her what was wrong, she just apologised and said everything was fine, leaving him confused.
Now Ben has come to my husband again, asking for advice. His wife repeatedly (as in this has been happening several times a week for months) tries to distract him when he’s doing something, whether it’s work or hobby related, by acting in a very sexual manner, literally giving him a lap dance or sticking her backside in his face. She’ll go as far as going up to bed with him, before suddenly stopping and not wanting anything to do with him again. He says it’s leaving him feeling rejected and confused, and that it’s really knocked his self esteem. He’s not sure what’s going on, as when he speaks to her about it she just apologises but doesn’t offer any explanation.
Neither my husband or I know what to suggest, as it all seems like very strange behaviour. Ben does genuinely seem to have been trying to resolve things with his wife, but it sounds as though she’s very withholding. Obviously it’s difficult to get a full grip of the situation with only one side (I don’t know his wife) but from what we do know…any ideas why she might be doing this? And is it as horrible as I think it is?
(I do have Bens permission to post this and obviously it’s not his real name.
Also, sorry about the length of this and for the number of times I wrote “hobby”!)