Wife Being A Tease

[BensMatesWife]

Hi all :) I’m writing this on behalf of my husbands friend, I’ve tried to be thorough with getting all the info, but I’m sorry if I leave anything out that would be useful to know, just ask and I’ll clarify with “Ben”.

So, basically, Ben has been with his wife for 7 years, and married for 5 years. They have three kids together, and he has two from a previous relationship which he has custody of. His wife doesn’t have a job, but stays at home to look after the house and kids, which she’s wonderful with.

Ben works long hours, makes good money, and makes sure to spend quality time with his wife and kids, together and separately (we know this to be true), and is generous with money. He also has a couple of hobbies.

Recently, Ben came to my husband complaining that his wife was getting annoyed about him enjoying one of his hobbies and would complain about the noise, so he tried to stop making any noise. Then she complained about the space it takes up, so he moved it out of the way, but she still wasn’t happy. He also said that other times when he would begin to do his hobby, she would try to distract him with sex by behaving in an overtly sexual manner. My husband suggested that perhaps it wasn’t the hobby that she was upset about, but that maybe she was resentful of him doing his hobby while the kids were up and about, as he might have finished work but she clearly hadn’t finished her day, and that maybe she felt a bit neglected, so he should probably wait until he’d helped get the kids to bed and spent some time with her before doing the hobby. He agreed, and made the changes, but when she still wasn’t happy and he asked her what was wrong, she just apologised and said everything was fine, leaving him confused.

Now Ben has come to my husband again, asking for advice. His wife repeatedly (as in this has been happening several times a week for months) tries to distract him when he’s doing something, whether it’s work or hobby related, by acting in a very sexual manner, literally giving him a lap dance or sticking her backside in his face. She’ll go as far as going up to bed with him, before suddenly stopping and not wanting anything to do with him again. He says it’s leaving him feeling rejected and confused, and that it’s really knocked his self esteem. He’s not sure what’s going on, as when he speaks to her about it she just apologises but doesn’t offer any explanation.

Neither my husband or I know what to suggest, as it all seems like very strange behaviour. Ben does genuinely seem to have been trying to resolve things with his wife, but it sounds as though she’s very withholding. Obviously it’s difficult to get a full grip of the situation with only one side (I don’t know his wife) but from what we do know…any ideas why she might be doing this? And is it as horrible as I think it is?

(I do have Bens permission to post this and obviously it’s not his real name.
Also, sorry about the length of this and for the number of times I wrote “hobby”!)

Proper LOL.

😂😂😅

Doing up old mopeds?

Also, I said “teasing” for traffic, and I meant “withholding” with regards to talking/emotions…in that she doesn’t seem to ever discuss things with him when he tries.

Sure you did. We can see all the words you posted, you know.

Ben’s a dick.

Your husband needs better friends.

You need a hobby.

HTH

This is going to be the new genre of MN shite isn’t it? “My hubby’s mate says his wife is crap cos….”

I think what you said about self esteem might be the crux of the issue. If she is feeling down about herself she might not be looking after herself in general. Does she have hobbies and interests? Is she bored and then when Ben goes to do his hobby this is highlighted so she feels neglected. The seducing to get his attention but then not actually wanting sex does seem a bit like she is trying to prove that she is still desirable to herself but actually doesn't really feel desirable so isn't doing it out of any real desire to have sex if that makes sense. A long time ago when I was much younger I was very self conscious and insecure, my partner had lots of hobbies and I was shy /nervous to go and try new things so often felt quire bored and fed up when he was off doing them. Although, I have to say I didn't ever resort to manipulate him into not doing them but I can imagine I was probably a bit moody about it sometimes.
If this is the reason then I think encouraging another joint hobby that Ben and his wife could do that might push her skightly out of her comfort zone and encourage her and build her confidence would pay off in the long run for him.

Ben's spending too much of his spare time looking over people's shoulder at Mumsnet and doing his 'hobby' and clearly needs to give his wife a good seeing to.

am I the only one curious what the hobby is????

"Generous with money" Have we slipped back to the 50's without me noticing.

What a click-baity title. 🙄

I dunno. What’s noisy and makes you want to stick your arse in your OH’s face?

I reckon the hobby is gluing matches together to make giant sculptures of obscure historical warships.

Or making porn? She did complain about the noise and space issues after all.

So Ben has 5 kids and 2 hobbies? He’s generous with his money with his wife who looks after his kids? Who looks after the 5 kids when they have date nights and weekends away?
Ben is a whining cunt. HTH.

Glitterspy · Today 21:07

Excellent post

We really do need to know the hobby before we can offer ANY advice.

I think Ben's hobby is housework, and cooking. There's nothing more arousing to me than seeing a man on his knees scrubbing the floor, hoovering is pretty noisy, as is blending up a home made hoummus, and the sight of a gleaming kitchen sink definitely gets me going. Maybe she's so overcome with lust at the sight of the spotless bathroom grout that she just has to drag him into the bedroom, then realises she's left the five kids downstairs unattended so she has to dash off.

Oh yes actually that would make sense.

I think you cracked it. 😁

🤣 Spot on.

🤣 I'm telling you if my Ben (dh) was doing all that he wouldn't be giving me a hard time about our sexless relationship. I'd be looking for it all the time

@Glitterspy having made the mistake of reading another thread I’m assuming it’s tentacle porn. Ben is getting rogered buy an octopus or two.

Has any woman ever described another woman as “a tease”?

My guess - he makes life size animatronic models of dinosaurs, with real roaring sounds. They clutter up the dining room something chronic.

OP if you are genuine, you are massively over-invested and maybe need to step back from your husband's friend's marriage.

If you sure know an awful lot about ‘Ben’s’ wife, considering you don’t know her.

i think you and your husband need to get some hobbies yourself, and Ben needs to have more respect and loyalty towards his wife

@PragmaticWench That’s really true. Obviously I have no idea whether Ben is affectionate all the time, or just when he wants something…it may well be that she goes a bit mental with the sexy stuff to get his attention because that’s the only time she does get his attention…you know when you write stuff down how suddenly things start seeming a bit more obvious…that!

Also true that she doesn’t have hobbies, and very few friends, so she could well just feel a bit put out that he’s putting his time and effort into his hobby, and not just hanging out with her.

@WonderingWandaThank you, that was really insightful. It’s definitely along the lines of what I was thinking, and what I’d suggested to my husband, but tbh I think he’s taken against Ben’s wife a bit because of how unhappy Ben is at the moment, so wasn’t very receptive to the idea and just thought she was being a cow...but it doesn’t make sense that she’d change from being a loving wife all of a
sudden without reason!