Do you believe in soulmates and natural connections with people?

[Flotraidroberts]

As in there are some people you're naturally drawn to.
I find it interesting how humans click with some people and not others, and sometimes you hardly know a person and speak like you've known each other for years.

I was instantly drawn to my DH even before I spoke to him; not in an attractive way (though of course I did think he was very handsome) but in a "I need to get to know this person" way.

This doesn't have to be just about relationships but could also be about friendships

Yes I see it the way you do, not necessarily just romantic partner but a few people over your lifetime you just instantly click and connect with. Can be friendships or romantic relationships.

Yes, sometimes you just feel on a wavelength with someone. As friends, lovers, whatever. Mutual interest. Doesn't always end up enduring but I think it's just about having enough in common, communication styles, shared humour and personality traits. It's different from having to try and make conversation and build a connection with someone.

I think it's obvious that there are some people you click with and some you don't. That's why you are friends with some people and not others.

I don't believe in soul mates. I think there are multiple people we could make our lives with I don't think there is only "one only"

I DO believe in natural connections and that we at times are drawn toward people who will be important in our lives. (romantic and non romantic)

Not soulmates no. But I do believe you can meet people and instantly get along with them.

I do believe in soulmates. I married mine.
I still grieve him, thirty years after his death, and will do until the day God reunites us.

I believe there are people you can instantly connect with, but soulmates - no.

Of course there are natural connections. How people smell, their ability to fight off infections, weird stuff your eggs know they need; your evolutionary sense is firing on all cylinders at all times.

We forget we're animals.

Yes. I’m not comfortable with the language of “soul mates” but I’ve had the experience of meeting someone for the first time and feeling like I’ve just arrived home.

It’s very different from being on the same wavelength as some, but not other, people.

Definitely, and not just romantic. I think this is why it's often hard to give advice on friendship threads because you can meet someone and find them pleasant/ kind/ "nice" without wanting to hang out with them, whereas other people you just feel immediately drawn to, despite obvious faults.

I don't believe in 'soulmates', no. It's another creation of the human imagination that doesn't reflect reality. There are 7.75 billion people on the planet, the fact that most people who claim to have found their "soulmate" will have more often than not found them living in their near vicinity proves what a nonsense idea it is. The truth is the planet will be full of people any specific individual will be perfectly capable of forming deep and meaningful relationships with, but you'll only meet a handful of them at best. Human lifespans are short, most people are monogamous, we tend to only have a few long term relationships in our lives, so you are only ever going to encounter a small selection of the people you'd likely get along well with. It's why I've never felt particularly down when a relationship comes to an end. Plenty more fish in the sea.

@MrsTerryPratchett

What you describe there - the smell right, the animal instinct - I had an attraction like that, and I didn’t end up with him. I now have two absolutely beautiful children (one via an egg donor) - with someone who didn’t hit me with the animal instinct vibes - but my head told me was a thoroughly decent, honest and reliable person.

The animal instinct man (who rejected me) - tried it on again when I was in early stages of relationship with now partner.

I’ve wondered - for a long time- if I had a choice there, or if I made the right choice.

I think the term soul mate/instant connection is a bit ‘something beyond your control’. I’m glad I rejected something that was - perhaps a subconscious urge - for a more conscious/sensible decision that actually worked.

I mentioned the egg donor part - because if it was down to making decisions based on what my eggs are subconsciously telling me to do - then the amount of deep love and utter joy I have from my DC wouldn’t be there, or would be different to other DC who is biologically mine.

I think an animal instinct does exist - but our ability to thrive as humans is based more on consciousness. To hone the nature part by our ability to nurture.

So overall I think yes - soulmate/instant attraction is a ‘thing’ - but it’s something that also needs to be rationalised. Don’t be mislead by a soulmate idea if - rationally - your conscious mind tells you he is an utter knob.

Yes, absolutely, 100%. So much so, I don’t think I would bother to give a guy time of day if I didn’t feel the instant attraction.

@CatBeeBirdTree there are studies of bluebirds (bear with) and what has been ascertained is that on an average day the female bluebirds find the good nest builders attractive. On ovulation days bluebirds find the bluest, brightest chested bluebirds attractive.

Our eggs are selfish and shallow. They want the nest, they also want the bluest, strongest offspring. You chose the nest. Perfectly good evolutionary choice.

Although, I don’t know if I believe in soul mates. I’ve felt the instant attraction more than once, and if I ever did split with my partner I believe I would find it again with someone else one day.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Oh gosh I love that!! Thank you!! Xx

You're very welcome.

In case you're a super-nerd www.researchgate.net/publication/225393066_Sexual_selection_in_a_socially_monogamous_bird_male_color_predicts_paternity_success_in_the_Mountain_Bluebird_Sialia_currucoides

Soulmates, no. People you immediately get on with very well - yes, but there's nothing mystical about that, it's perfectly normal. It's just the result of a combination of personality cues, body language etc that appeal to you.

There are similar studies with humans…

Researchers asked women to look at pictures of men and score them on attractiveness

then repeat the same thing at another part of her cycle

the scores given during ovulation differ to those given during the follicular stage, choosing ‘reliable’ looking men vs strong and handsome

I definitely believe in soulmates. I believe they can be children, parents, siblings, partners and even close friends.

Soulmates absolutely yes. Generally those who believe do so because they have met theirs, those who don't haven't.

@MrsTerryPratchett Absolutely agree with your post re being animals. There’s so much that draws us to, or repels us from, others that we’re not at all aware of.

the scores given during ovulation differ to those given during the follicular stage, choosing ‘reliable’ looking men vs strong and handsome

So true. Fortunately DH has both a blue chest and is a great nester <sigh>

The truth is that smelling someone's neck is probably a better indicator of compatibility than any amount of anything else.

I dont know really.

I have had one man in my life where to this day I probably wouldn't trust myself alone in a room with. ( sure he'd be fine though he probably forgot all about me by now)

But, I think that connection wasn't something designed to make me feel he was the one or something special. I think in this instance it merely allowed us to ignore the fact we were not realky compatible and we simply brought the worst out in eachother.

I dont think physical connection is enough. I think you need a connection with it all and I've lost hope in ever finding that. The closest I've ever had to that , well I was a clumsy idiot and as a result I never saw him again.

No ones gotten me befire or since. People merely tolerate me.

I reckon there’s a correlation between the blue puffy chest types and a veering off from the typical monogamous type behaviour…

Several nests, and leaving the frazzled females to the general upkeep.

Think the idea of a ‘soulmate’ can be quite dangerous around prime ovulation time…