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Original poster

Would this be a red flag / worry for you?

74 replies

Shouldishouldnti2 · 15/07/2022 15:49

If you had been chatting to someone who mentioned they had a high sex drive and liked kinky sex, would this ring alarm bells for you? Are they trying to warn you they are not the faithful type?

OP posts:
Discovereads · 15/07/2022 19:43

It would be a red flag if he just volunteered the information/said it out the blue, but actually you asked him what his flaws were…so I don’t think it’s a red flag.

So I asked him what flaws he has as he must have some, and he said (amongst other things that were very mediocre): I do have a very high sex drive and have a little kinky desire inside me

hoohaaarr · 15/07/2022 19:46

It would only ring alarm bells for me because I've got a low sex drive and am pretty boring in bed. I'd be running a mile myself.

However if I wanted constant sex and was in to some wild things then fair enough.

Bit odd he's telling you early on but perhaps he's saying it to give you some sort of warning that he wants someone a bit exciting in the bedroom!

Sandra1984 · 15/07/2022 20:16

Ask him straight away what his kinks are, that will let you know if you are compatible and want to continue investing on this.

Talkingtopigeons · 15/07/2022 22:17

If he's mentioned it when you've asked about flaws, then it sounds like perhaps it has been an issue in past relationships/dating and he's wanting to mention it early on in to see if you're compatible. I wouldn't see it as a red flag for potential cheating, but as others have said you need to find out what he means by it and if it might work for you.

mistermagpie · 16/07/2022 00:13

hoohaaarr · 15/07/2022 19:46

It would only ring alarm bells for me because I've got a low sex drive and am pretty boring in bed. I'd be running a mile myself.

However if I wanted constant sex and was in to some wild things then fair enough.

Bit odd he's telling you early on but perhaps he's saying it to give you some sort of warning that he wants someone a bit exciting in the bedroom!

Same, it would put me right off but some women would be delighted.

I'd need to know the kinks. If it's something you enjoy then great but it could be anything.

ChaToilLeam · 16/07/2022 01:04

Sounds rather odd putting to me.

TwoMonthsOff · 16/07/2022 01:09

Sleazebag alert 🚩🚩🚩

Sunnytwobridges · 16/07/2022 02:04

i think it’s a good sign to know right from the get go. My ex did and I didn’t pay much attention to it and it needed up with us being horribly incompatible with our sex drives and became a huge issue.

Josette77 · 16/07/2022 02:27

Why is having a high sex drive and being kinky a red flag?
I am the same and wouldn't want to date someone not like minded. I am not going to chet because I love sex.

QueenCamilla · 16/07/2022 03:20

Man with a kink = the biggest red alert for crap sex! And lots of crap sex in this case.. 😬

The kinky guys I've had the misfortune to meet, have been into things like: dressing up in tutus and tights (them, not me! ), watching women urinate / being urinated on, threesomes, painful full-force biting, hours of prolonged role-play, pegging...

It's mind/vagina numbingly boring!!

Monty27 · 16/07/2022 03:22

You might get out of your depth OP.
I'd run a mile tread very carefully.

Original poster
Shouldishouldnti2 · 16/07/2022 07:29

I think I have a ‘normal’ sex drive, but I’m certainly not into anything ‘kinky’. I don’t think I’m a prude, but sex is just one part of a relationship for me, but not the biggest part. I don’t want to be in a situation where it’s all about sex, that would just piss me off.

Everything else about him ticks the boxes, but I already feel a bit weirded out by it. I’ll ask him what the kinks are and shall let you all know!

let’s hope it’s not ‘rimming girls’ 😂😂😂

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 16/07/2022 07:39

Is this first chats on old?

Well he's after sex, having brought it up already if it's new conversation and you haven't met irl.

So if you're up for sex and not looking for a relationship with this person then go ahead and keep the conversation going.

For me, it would be a major red flag. It depends on what you are looking for really.

isthismylifenow · 16/07/2022 07:42

Shouldishouldnti2 · 16/07/2022 07:29

I think I have a ‘normal’ sex drive, but I’m certainly not into anything ‘kinky’. I don’t think I’m a prude, but sex is just one part of a relationship for me, but not the biggest part. I don’t want to be in a situation where it’s all about sex, that would just piss me off.

Everything else about him ticks the boxes, but I already feel a bit weirded out by it. I’ll ask him what the kinks are and shall let you all know!

let’s hope it’s not ‘rimming girls’ 😂😂😂

I didn't see your post before I posted.

The fact it's weirded you out tells you all you need to know.

TheFridayRabbit · 16/07/2022 07:50

It would put me off because I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have a high sex drive, I’d feel worried he’s see it as a way of exciting himself for constantly pushing for sex. There’s no need to push if both parties are highly sexed and respectful.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 16/07/2022 08:03

Might be he just wants someone to talk about Tree Preservation Orders?

TAAT

gannett · 16/07/2022 08:20

Surely this is just a normal thing to reveal relatively early in a relationship to find out whether you're sexually compatible.

A red flag to me is someone who's objectively ill-suited to be in a relationship with anyone - a blanket rule. Being into kink isn't a red flag because it doesn't say anything about his overall character.

However it could be a major sign of incompatibility, which is as good a reason to end things as a red flag, so if you're not into what he's into then it's time to cut your losses. Let him find someone who's into the same things as him, and you do likewise.

The red flag would be someone who conceals what they're really into because they're ashamed of it (and then springs it on you 10 years in).

Velvettia · 16/07/2022 08:33

ugh asking about his flaws doesn’t entitle him to start talking about his kinks/sex drive when you’ve not even met yet.

agree with pp he’s putting it out there early on to see if he can meet someone willing to act out what porn he’s got into.

sounds like a creep, it’s weirded you out, I’d ditch this one

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 16/07/2022 08:34

It would be a huge green flag to me but depends what you're looking for 😁

4timesthefun · 16/07/2022 08:49

It probably depends what you are after - for a brief fling, it might be a great thing. However, someone saying their high sex drive is a flaw would be a red flag for me if you are wanting a long-term relationship with children etc. I’d anticipate them turning into many of the sex pest men you read about on this forum, who get stroppy when their partner doesn’t want nightly sex from 8 weeks postpartum, and isn’t leaping at the opportunity to give them BJs while their stitches are healing. All that matters to them is having their sexual needs met, and they generally sound absolutely vile. I’d worry that would be my future

OldFan · 16/07/2022 11:13

@Shouldishouldnti2 I would possibly block him. Talking about sex early on usually means that's all a bloke's interested in.

OldFan · 16/07/2022 11:15

And yes, I wouldn't want a partner who makes a point of saying how high their sex drive is and that they're kinky. Because I wouldn't want someone who's like that.

Pinkbonbon · 16/07/2022 11:33

It just means they are only looking for sex, not a relationship.

If they bring up sex before you've even met, thats pretty much always what it means.

Sandra1984 · 16/07/2022 12:50

@Pinkbonbon If they bring up sex before you've even met, thats pretty much always what it means.

This.

Missbusydiy · 16/07/2022 14:15

Throw this one back otherwise you’ll be back here in a few weeks asking what to do because he’s done X, Y, Z - once seen / heard can’t be unseen/ unheard.

You don’t need this unpleasantness in your life plus you do know he’s just testing how disgusting he can be-

let the man go about his business and you go and find yourself a decent grown up man.