Sexless relationships the norm?

[Yosushi34]

I’ve spoken to around 5 of my close friends over the past year to find that all are in sexless relationships. Some have been together for 8+ years, others only a couple years. All are happy and in love. Mostly in 30s. They are also all busy professionals - could they be too tired to be getting jiggy? Or is rampant sex like in the movies exaggerated?

I do think the culture now is if you aren't having sex , and not just sex, mind-blowing out of this world sex, leaves you feeling a bit meh...oh I'm not? Is there something wrong whith me?? My take on it is , it's the usual MSM bullshit. Sex is a selling point now, a commodity, it sells basically. If you feel you aren't enough buy this, buy that, but never get it out there that . sometimes , a lot of people are not having sex daily . They don't want you to know that.

Completely sexless? Or just not constantly at it? I don't think completely sexless is the norm at all.

Several of my friends have relationships which involve little or no sex. There’s generally an underlying reason, ranging from resentment over something within the relationship, to one partner having stopped taking care of their appearance or put on a lot of weight. A couple of them, when trying to address it with their OH, have received a reaction of sheer hurt and surprise, from a partner who thought that there was a mutual agreement that sex wasn’t very important and everything was wonderfully happy. So I’d suspect that whilst your friends might all say their relationships are happy and they’re in love, their partners might not necessarily be quite so happy with the lack of sex.

Most couples fall somewhere between sexless and “rampant.” I think if you aren’t having any sex with your partner then, e.g. small babies or health issues aside, there’s an elephant in the room.

And it's absolutely normal not to have sex daily!! It's a myth. A very good one designed to sell you stuff! You need to have that fake tan, moisturizer, hair stuff, that dress, that pair of trousers, that male grooming product. The facts are we have procreatid very well without all this stuff! It's only when we get side tracked that we lose our ability to fancy each other!

On MN everyone has sex 3-4 times a week. In real life, any friends I talk to about it have sex 3-4 times a year.

Mostly everyone is too tired from juggling work and kids.

There’s a middle way. It’s not either chandelier swinging or no sex at all, why would it be?

The happy couples I know have sex. The unhappy ones don’t. I know more happy couples.

Absolute rubbish. On MN it’s a badge of honour to do it rarely and reluctantly or never at all and far prefer a cup of tea or a nap. Any man wanting to shag his wife is a raging unreasonable sex pest.

See, you get all types on here!
Some understand it's bloody great when it happens ( most of us)
Others are if you aren't shagging daily it's frickin awful
Others , it's fucking complicated so fuck off
Others, I'm reading this and am so confused

I'm in my 30's. Dh and I do it about 2-3 times a week. I would say this is pretty average among other couples our age that I know (well the people that have spoken about it). I know of one person who is quite open about his sexless relationship, he and his wife seem to despise each other though 🤷‍♀️

I'm so fed up of these sex posts!!
Sex is so very special and individual!!
You are not going to get a consensus not should you!!

10 years together. Great for first 3/4 years Even after baby number 1 arrived. Went downhill a bit after baby number 2 and stayed that way for about 2/3 years. Still tried to make the effort but it really wasn't often.
Something changed in lockdown- for the better And it's continued. We have sex 4 times a week now (averagely) I am happy because I hated not wanting it when my OH did. It became the elephant in the room.

In your 50s, yes this might be normal. In your 30s? Yes, its weird.

There was more sex before porn became prolific.

It's obvious.

Definitely not normal for the couples I know. I’ve only known one sexless couple in their 30s, the guy was very unhappy, the woman was cheating and they eventually broke up.

Haha I agree!

With some friends it seems a pattern, that they get together and are like rabbits, then the novelty fades and day to day becomes routine, then the sex, shuts off pretty much.

I do know a lot of couples who never have it. Sometimes both are happy with this, sometimes one is very unhappy.

I've finally found a partner with a high libido to match my own, so that's good! I've always found the lack of sex difficult before in my LTRs. (I am mid-40s - 3rd marriage).

Who cares what the average is? All that matters really is pairing up with someone whose libido matches your own (and who you love in other ways too obviously!).

I don't talk to friends about it so don't know how rare we are but sex is still a big part of our relationship (in 50s and 60s).

I wouldn't call us rampant, it's usually fairly low key sex but it'd be unusual for us to go more than 1 night without doing something. We tend to shower right before bed then snuggle up with little to nothing on... makes sex hard to resist really!

@Christinatheastonishing are you on HRT, if you don't mind me asking? And has that increased your libido?

Up because I’m a shift worker, oh the joys! I wanted some advice on a rather difficult situation. I’m 36, married 3yrs, together 10. No babies yet, my husband has always known I would love to be able to have children, always agreed that was what he wanted also, so has always (said so) on the same page there. Problem being that we haven’t actually had sex for coming up 7 years. I’ve explored all avenues as to where the problem stems from yet I’ve not seen any improvement or progression. Any advice would be appreciated Xxx

No I'm not, but I'm still having regular-ish periods at 50.

One of my main peri symptoms is insomnia, and a good orgasm definitely helps with that!

Depends on the quality of the sex too. If you have sex twice a month but take time, it's very connected and sensual (and you have at least one orgasm!) then I think that's better than lots of unsatisfying quickies.

Friends of mine have talked about sexless relationships and also 2 of my close friends confided in me that they had never orgasmed with a their partner! Never! Not once! Horrifying!

Do people really have a statistical sample of friends who they discuss their sex lives in enough detail with that they're able to confidently state how often people have sex?!

@NinaCosXx you might need to start your own thread.

When you say you've explored all avenues, what does your partner say or do when you try to seduce him?