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Original poster

Am I crazy?

32 replies

Babyno1xx · 13/07/2022 21:05

So I just want to see what others thoughts are on this... don't really want to speak to friends about it as I don't want their opinions of him to change as he is a good guy and I'm hoping to work this all out.

So we argue constantly at the moment. We've only been together for 1.5 years but very involved with each other kids (which makes this harder)

About 6 months in to the relationship I found him very full on, being a very independent person needing my own space etc I asked to slow things down a little but nothing major. He took that the wrong way.

We don't live together and only see each other 3 times a week or so which is good for me being a single mum and working etc. I'm tired at night. But I always make his dinner, give him cuddles etc.

Lately I feel like nothing is good enough he moans that I don't have enough time for him or I don't have the energy for him. I'm really trying to please everyone but sometimes I'm just tired and want peace once kids are asleep.
If I don't cuddle him once kids are down, like if I sit at the other end of the couch to watch tv he thinks something is wrong. If I don't wanna have sex he goes all huffy (even tho he denies it but there's an atmosphere) he went in a huff the other day because I put a snap chat of ME AND HIM on my story but never tagged him? 😐

He overthinks everything and it's exhausting me. He says I want a 'part time relationship' which isn't true I just have other priorities too. Am I selfish or is he? We just blame each other and I'm totally done.

OP posts:
Unanananana · 13/07/2022 21:31

The huffing over sex would make my fanny slam shut.

He sounds like an absolute child.

Original poster
Babyno1xx · 13/07/2022 21:39

Unanananana · 13/07/2022 21:31

The huffing over sex would make my fanny slam shut.

He sounds like an absolute child.

It puts me off so much which leads to less sex and more of him overthinking and being huffy. Cannot cope 😐

Any arguments we have I'm willing to drop and move on from but he needs to dissect everything and have 20 conversations about why the argument happened. It's driving me insane.

OP posts:
IodineQueen · 13/07/2022 22:46

How old is he? You’re not his cuddly toy ffs.

Suzi9989 · 13/07/2022 23:23

What are you getting out of being in this relationship? If he is the good guy you say he is then why the attitude and unpleasantness?

How does he show he cares or that you are important to him?

Does he make dinner for you after a long day? 🤔

HollowTalk · 13/07/2022 23:30

Are you making him dinner three times a week? Does he give you any money for that?

bloodyunicorns · 13/07/2022 23:37

What does he do for you? Does he cook you dinner too?

He sounds awful. I'd dump him. The sulking over sex??? No thanks. You're only a year and a half in. It's not meant to be hard work at this stage!

totallyoutnumbered · 13/07/2022 23:58

Eew. I once dated a man just like this. He smothered me to the point where he made me feel physically sick. I ended it. Best thing I ever did and wished I'd wasted less time on him in hindsight.

wellhelloitsme · 14/07/2022 00:01

If I don't wanna have sex he goes all huffy (even tho he denies it but there's an atmosphere)

Sexual coercion and gaslighting.

He sounds awful OP.

Please get this man out of your life and out of your kids' orbit.

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/07/2022 00:02

He sounds awful OP. A sex pest and a petulant child. Honestly get rid of him.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2022 00:04

Why in the fuck would you want to make this relationship work? He's horrible, and your standards would have to be on the floor to stay with this man. Get this twat out of your poor kids' lives.

Original poster
Babyno1xx · 14/07/2022 07:34

Suzi9989 · 13/07/2022 23:23

What are you getting out of being in this relationship? If he is the good guy you say he is then why the attitude and unpleasantness?

How does he show he cares or that you are important to him?

Does he make dinner for you after a long day? 🤔

He is very hands on round the house. He will cook dinner sometimes, always does dishes etc he's great with the kids. Will do bedtimes etc.
it's just the pressure he's putting on me for sex and affection.
He's always in some sort of sulk, half the time I don't even know why but he'll sit there staring into space until I ask him and it's always something daft like 'I've not gave him a kiss since we got home' or 'I've rejected him cos i don't want to have sex' I will never force myself to have sex when I don't want to.
I honestly can't even sit on the couch in silence after a long day without him thinking there's something wrong when really I've just been on the go since 5am with 2 year old then done a long shift, came home made dinner, baths n bed etc then want to sit on my ass!

OP posts:
bigbird50 · 14/07/2022 07:42

Why are you letting your boyfriend do ‘bedtime’ for your DC? You don’t live together and I would assume they haven’t known him long despite you being together over a year. He isn’t their father and your not keen on him. That is not fair to your DC to thrust this gaslighting , sulking man on to them.

Original poster
Babyno1xx · 14/07/2022 07:47

bigbird50 · 14/07/2022 07:42

Why are you letting your boyfriend do ‘bedtime’ for your DC? You don’t live together and I would assume they haven’t known him long despite you being together over a year. He isn’t their father and your not keen on him. That is not fair to your DC to thrust this gaslighting , sulking man on to them.

As I said in the original post we're very involved in each other's kids lives. My sons dad isn't in his life so my partner has been very involved in helping to raise him. These problems are recent - I'm not on here to be questioned about my children I'm asking for opinions on his behaviour towards me.

OP posts:
bigbird50 · 14/07/2022 08:08

I disagree as you both getting the DC involved very early on is now making it difficult to end this crap relationship. Your DC not having a father around doesn’t mean they need to get to know your new bloke right away.

anyway that aside
the relationship is not healthy- he doesn’t respect your boundaries and sulks when he doesn’t get what he wants. Have you got a big house that he is looking to move into so his kids have a bedroom and you can take over ‘mum’ role or is he also independent with regards to finances and housing status?

your not happy in this relationship now and I think you need to make a decision and not base it around your or his relationship with the DC

Ragruggers · 14/07/2022 08:16

Why not have a break from him and see how you feel after say a month.You are finding him too much by the sounds of things,not a good or happy way to live.Have a chat with him and explain how you feel.Do not move in together whilst you feel like this.

Watchkeys · 14/07/2022 09:35

We just blame each other and I'm totally done

Blame occurs in unhealthy relationships. If you want to make it healthy, recognise that you both want different things, accept that, and talk about it so that you can reach a compromise.

How do you think that would go, if you suggested it to him?

Original poster
Babyno1xx · 14/07/2022 09:39

Watchkeys · 14/07/2022 09:35

We just blame each other and I'm totally done

Blame occurs in unhealthy relationships. If you want to make it healthy, recognise that you both want different things, accept that, and talk about it so that you can reach a compromise.

How do you think that would go, if you suggested it to him?

We have tried this a lot, I have been making more effort recently to give him the affection he needs like cuddles etc but things are still the same in terms of his behaviour. He says he will back off a little and give me space but then proceeds to say it's only him who's compromising and that I want a part time relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyno1xx · 14/07/2022 09:43

Ragruggers · 14/07/2022 08:16

Why not have a break from him and see how you feel after say a month.You are finding him too much by the sounds of things,not a good or happy way to live.Have a chat with him and explain how you feel.Do not move in together whilst you feel like this.

I have mentioned this before and he said if I want a break he won't be going back. So basically it will be done if that's what I want...

OP posts:
pictish · 14/07/2022 09:46

Ach no. He’s a needy, selfish, manipulative sod and if you stay with him he’ll suck you dry.

pictish · 14/07/2022 09:47

Seriously, you can give and give and it will never be enough.

TooHotToTangoToo · 14/07/2022 09:58

Oh god no, he sounds far too needy, and anyone who 'sulks' over stuff is an instant no no

Watchkeys · 14/07/2022 09:58

He says he will back off a little and give me space but then proceeds to say it's only him who's compromising and that I want a part time relationship

OK. This means he's incapable of any conflict resolution style other than blame. Just leave. You'll never be able to have any issue within this relationship without it being 'your fault'. He'll never be able to meet you half way, and unless you do everything his way, you'll be blamed for 'causing issues'. It's what you're already seeing.

The only crazy thing you're doing is staying in a relationship that makes you feel you might be crazy.

Newestname002 · 14/07/2022 09:58

@Babyno1xx

I have mentioned this before and he said if I want a break he won't be going back. So basically it will be done if that's what I want...

So maybe a permanent break is what needs to happen. How do you feel about that? 🌹

pinkyredrose · 14/07/2022 11:51

Babyno1xx · 13/07/2022 21:05

So I just want to see what others thoughts are on this... don't really want to speak to friends about it as I don't want their opinions of him to change as he is a good guy and I'm hoping to work this all out.

So we argue constantly at the moment. We've only been together for 1.5 years but very involved with each other kids (which makes this harder)

About 6 months in to the relationship I found him very full on, being a very independent person needing my own space etc I asked to slow things down a little but nothing major. He took that the wrong way.

We don't live together and only see each other 3 times a week or so which is good for me being a single mum and working etc. I'm tired at night. But I always make his dinner, give him cuddles etc.

Lately I feel like nothing is good enough he moans that I don't have enough time for him or I don't have the energy for him. I'm really trying to please everyone but sometimes I'm just tired and want peace once kids are asleep.
If I don't cuddle him once kids are down, like if I sit at the other end of the couch to watch tv he thinks something is wrong. If I don't wanna have sex he goes all huffy (even tho he denies it but there's an atmosphere) he went in a huff the other day because I put a snap chat of ME AND HIM on my story but never tagged him? 😐

He overthinks everything and it's exhausting me. He says I want a 'part time relationship' which isn't true I just have other priorities too. Am I selfish or is he? We just blame each other and I'm totally done.

He doesn't sound a 'good guy' he sounds like an immature needy wanker. When does he ever make you dinner? Huffing when you don't want sex? Men who feel entitled to womens bodies are the opposite of 'good guys'.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 14/07/2022 12:44

Huffing over sex would be the end for me. You will never please this entitled fool so you should do yourself a favour and stop trying.

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