Page 3 | DH acting like a fourteen year old over sex

Hotandtiredtoday · 2022-07-13T19:03:17+00:00

In most respects, DH really is thoroughly decent, he is kind, thoughtful, generous. But over sex he acts like a silly kid and I find it so off putting. He grabs at my breasts. He follows me around and if I try to get changed he wolf whistles or makes stupid noises. We are meant to be TTC and it’s making him worse than ever. Does anyone else have this? I’m really getting fed up of it tbh.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 14/07/2022 12:15

QueSyrahSyrah · 14/07/2022 11:17

@parenthood1989 So we wind way back to the beginning of their relationship, and at some point the OP's DH is going to have touched her, outside of the context of sex. Should he have asked permission? Probably, but if they were already having an intimate / sexual relationship then I think consent for intimacy can in some circumstances be assumed. It would be odd, to me, to have sex with someone and then be offended / upset if he looked at my body while I was dressing, or squeezed my bum later in the day.

My point is that unless this is a recent change of heart by the OP, or a recent change in behaviour by her DH, after they were married is an odd time to communicate it for the first time and some of us can see why he may be unaware.

If this thread had been started by someone who after 3 dates liked the guy but not the way he acted towards her physically, then the responses would be much more black and white.

Unless the OP is planning to come back and expand, the rest of us could just go round in circles forever.

Exactly. In an established relationship, it's expected they have had touching before. There's no clarification from OP which is what is missing. I wouldn't expect in a long term relationship, that my partner needs to ask before touching me.

Watchkeys · 14/07/2022 12:57

parenthood1989 · 14/07/2022 10:42

But OP may not have ever said it's an issue, so how would he know?

My point was that this is not a reasonable excuse to grope someone. Ever.

So if OP has been faking enjoying it from the beginning of their relationship, how is he supposed to know? Touching in this way isn't a universal 'NO!!' It's a communication between two people. Many on this thread, right before your eyes, myself included, have relationships where this sort of thing is regarded as a form of love and affection, but would immediately stop if our partners indicated that they weren't enjoying it. But because it isn't a universal 'NO!!' it has to be communicated.

The word 'Grope' has negative connotations. Touching your partner intimately isn't groping unless it's unwelcome. He might think he's being loving and affectionate, unless she's told him otherwise.

Edwardoo · 14/07/2022 13:01

Some couples don't mind this which is irrelevant to you. It's enough for you that you dislike it so speak to him about it and hold of TTCing until you have a resolution. Is this a new behaviour or has hormonal / fertility treatment been making you more irritable?

parenthood1989 · 14/07/2022 13:06

The word 'Grope' has negative connotations.

Of course it does. In fitting with the context of the OP, where a negative experience is described. I'm not going to minimise that person's experience to suit others. It absolutely is groping.

Watchkeys · 14/07/2022 13:09

parenthood1989 · 14/07/2022 13:06

The word 'Grope' has negative connotations.

Of course it does. In fitting with the context of the OP, where a negative experience is described. I'm not going to minimise that person's experience to suit others. It absolutely is groping.

Yes, to her it is groping. Nobody's minimising that. But unless you think he should read her mind, rather than her responses, you're not making sense.

If she's not making her feelings known, and she's misleading him into thinking she likes it, then the responsibility is hers to start being honest with him. It's not a fault on his part to keep doing something he's being led to believe his partner enjoys.

If she's told him she doesn't like it, then, yes, you're right. But your factoring out the part of the equation that he might be being misled.

parenthood1989 · 14/07/2022 13:11

Yes, to her it is groping. Nobody's minimising that.

I must have misread you. I thought when you said groping had negative connotations that's it what you were meaning. Apologies.

GreenManalishi · 14/07/2022 13:15

If he's a decent, kind generous and thoughtful man and you're trying to conceive a child with him, you should absolutely be able to tell him that you don't like him groping you, ever. Some people are fine with this, you are clearly not, and you need to tell him. I can't see any reason why you wouldn't communicate with him over something so fundamental?

rocksonrocks · 14/07/2022 13:36

LOL at PP accusing your DH of being a pig and telling you you're having a pigs baby. That's way out of line and OTT but hilarious that there's a real person who wrote that.

If you've spoken to him about this before and he's continued it's obviously an issue in your relationship.

If you haven't said anything, please do ignore the pearl clutchers saying he's groping and sexually assaulting you( wtf?). Apparently married people don't touch each other EVER. And for gods sake tell him instead of riling up a bunch of heat crazed anti-men campaigners and then disappearing from the thread!

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 14/07/2022 13:41

rocksonrocks · 14/07/2022 13:36

LOL at PP accusing your DH of being a pig and telling you you're having a pigs baby. That's way out of line and OTT but hilarious that there's a real person who wrote that.

If you've spoken to him about this before and he's continued it's obviously an issue in your relationship.

If you haven't said anything, please do ignore the pearl clutchers saying he's groping and sexually assaulting you( wtf?). Apparently married people don't touch each other EVER. And for gods sake tell him instead of riling up a bunch of heat crazed anti-men campaigners and then disappearing from the thread!

😂😈

Rainbowbaby13 · 14/07/2022 14:39

rocksonrocks · 14/07/2022 13:36

LOL at PP accusing your DH of being a pig and telling you you're having a pigs baby. That's way out of line and OTT but hilarious that there's a real person who wrote that.

If you've spoken to him about this before and he's continued it's obviously an issue in your relationship.

If you haven't said anything, please do ignore the pearl clutchers saying he's groping and sexually assaulting you( wtf?). Apparently married people don't touch each other EVER. And for gods sake tell him instead of riling up a bunch of heat crazed anti-men campaigners and then disappearing from the thread!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 14/07/2022 14:58

rocksonrocks · 14/07/2022 13:36

LOL at PP accusing your DH of being a pig and telling you you're having a pigs baby. That's way out of line and OTT but hilarious that there's a real person who wrote that.

If you've spoken to him about this before and he's continued it's obviously an issue in your relationship.

If you haven't said anything, please do ignore the pearl clutchers saying he's groping and sexually assaulting you( wtf?). Apparently married people don't touch each other EVER. And for gods sake tell him instead of riling up a bunch of heat crazed anti-men campaigners and then disappearing from the thread!

👏🏼

Mix56 · 14/07/2022 17:51

And you want to have a child with this immature prat ?