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Original poster

Friends with men

64 replies

Merciloloo · 13/07/2022 17:50

I think I am just about done with men. I feel like I had so many male friends (only friends), but they wait until they have a slight chance and try it on or chance their luck.

for context, I’m in a relationship and anytime I have to turn down a guy I know or anything, I honestly feel guilty and dirty because they know I have a boyfriend yet STILL try it on, which makes me think and feel I’ve done something wrong!!!!

does anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
alphapie · 14/07/2022 14:29

@5128gap when they have managed to maintain a friendship for some time, yes they tend to need a signal of some kind to go further.

Again, we choose our friends in life, the OP didn't choose wisely

5128gap · 14/07/2022 14:40

alphapie · 14/07/2022 14:29

@5128gap when they have managed to maintain a friendship for some time, yes they tend to need a signal of some kind to go further.

Again, we choose our friends in life, the OP didn't choose wisely

That's not true. I and other women on the thread have said otherwise.

Watchkeys · 14/07/2022 14:45

Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 13/07/2022 18:35

I’m sorry about your experiences.

I’m one ugly b*tch so men have never wanted to be my friend the begin with.
So I guess that could really mean that men always have ulterior motives.

Or that the men you've met had ulterior motives.

If a man said that the women he'd met all did x or y, so all women must be like that, there'd be an uproar.

Have you considered that they might not want to be your friend for other reasons? Like the fact that you're prejudiced against them? Would you want to be friends with a man who had a 'That's what women are like!' attitude?

CarrieMoonbeams · 14/07/2022 15:16

How strange that this post was written today of all days -

CarrieMoonbeams · 14/07/2022 15:25

Damn, pressed send by mistake!

I had organised a little group of people to meet up to walk our dogs together, when I was fostering a very shy dog 6 years ago. It was just people from the village, all couples, and we met up weekly for about 4 months.

I got a text this morning from one of the blokes, asking if I saw him "just as a friend, or could there be more?"

WTAF?! I've never spent any time with this guy on his own, he knows DH about as well as he knows me, and I've probably only seen him in passing for a chat less than a dozen times in the past few years - and I've usually been with DH and/or he's been with his wife at those times!

What a creep.

Littlecousinscampi · 14/07/2022 15:30

If a man said that the women he'd met all did x or y, so all women must be like that, there'd be an uproar.

Men frequently make unpleasant sweeping generalisations about women, and generally there is no uproar. There's an especial abundance of nastiness at the moment, what with it being the women's Euros and women having the audacity to play football and for it to be on telly. Perhaps you could go on one of the many male-dominated sites and scold those men.

Littlecousinscampi · 14/07/2022 15:32

I got a text this morning from one of the blokes, asking if I saw him "just as a friend, or could there be more?"

Euch. It's almost weirder that he did it in the cold light of morning rather than late at night when he could have been or could conceivably have pretended to be drunk.

alphapie · 14/07/2022 16:01

@5128gap so you also are a poor judge of character and chose poorly.

Explains a lot

BorisThirdChin · 14/07/2022 16:02

Yup my experience too. I’m very average looking and have no idea how to flirt. Pretty much every male friend has at some point tried it on.

I don’t bother being friends with straight men anymore. I have some lovely friendships with gay men.

Watchkeys · 14/07/2022 16:22

Littlecousinscampi · 14/07/2022 15:30

If a man said that the women he'd met all did x or y, so all women must be like that, there'd be an uproar.

Men frequently make unpleasant sweeping generalisations about women, and generally there is no uproar. There's an especial abundance of nastiness at the moment, what with it being the women's Euros and women having the audacity to play football and for it to be on telly. Perhaps you could go on one of the many male-dominated sites and scold those men.

Here. I'm talking about if a man did that here, on MN. I do understand that some men are crap in the outside world, but do you think that some people doing crap things means it's ok for all people to do crap things?

OvertPrude · 14/07/2022 16:28

alphapie · 14/07/2022 16:01

@5128gap so you also are a poor judge of character and chose poorly.

Explains a lot

Oh my days, you are always making ridiculous comments on threads. If you believe this, you don't have enough experience of men to even have any kind of meaningful input in this conversation.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/07/2022 17:01

My best friend is a woman and I'm a man. We've known each other since we were 16 and we're both 40 this year. Aside from 1 very very drunken snog when we were 19 (which she initiated), there has never been a hint of anything flirtatious or trying it on from either of us. It'd be like trying it on with my sister.

Aside from that, I've a few female friends from work. I've been with my partner since I was 24 so have never tried it on with any of them. Two of them have tried to kiss me on nights out. They are no longer my friends

Prior to my relationship with DP, I did occasionally ask out friends on dates. I knew I liked this person, that's why I was friends with them. So why not try for something more and see where it goes. Sometimes they'd say no, sometimes it'd result in a short relationship, once she ended up being my DP.

I don't think all men go into friendships with women looking for a relationship, I do think that men tend to be less picky than women, so at some point they inadvertently think, I like this person a lot, that's a good foundation for a relationship, lets give it a go.

The men that then get their ego bruised when someone dares to say no to them, or are just after a shag, or try it on when either party is already in a relationship, they're fucking arseholes.

Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 14/07/2022 17:12

Watchkeys · 14/07/2022 14:45

Or that the men you've met had ulterior motives.

If a man said that the women he'd met all did x or y, so all women must be like that, there'd be an uproar.

Have you considered that they might not want to be your friend for other reasons? Like the fact that you're prejudiced against them? Would you want to be friends with a man who had a 'That's what women are like!' attitude?

Show quote history

Good lord what a boring retort!

Are you so silly that you think that the first thing I’ll say to a man is ”Well, you probably don’t wanna fuck so you won’t be interested in being my friend”?

I have no idea how you read my comment so wrong in so many ways, but congratulation for the most out of contex comment anyone has ever made🎉🎊!

5128gap · 14/07/2022 17:47

alphapie · 14/07/2022 16:01

@5128gap so you also are a poor judge of character and chose poorly.

Explains a lot

Your opinion of me personally doesn't matter.
Of far greater concern is your view that women receiving unwanted sexual advances must have invited it by flirting, or giving the man a 'signal', and what that might feel like to the OP and other women who've experienced the same.
All that matters really is that misogynistic apologist nonsense like that is seen for what it is.

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