Married and taken men constantly on the look out?

[Whatshallidolottie]

Honestly, what is it with men? Pretty much on a daily basis, I am glared at by married men on public transport, or at work, or out and about - and even approached by them or otherwise taken men. Friends, colleagues etc sending flirty messages, sending suggestive compliments etc. I am somebody who does not flirt and does not invite any of these behaviours. I shut them down or ignore them entirely.

Are they always constantly on the look out for a shag or attention? Why can't these men be happy with what they have?

I'm assuming your attractive? You will get unwanted attention unfortunately. Men don't care. I've had similar. Not texts but suggestive looks like I'm a piece of meat and it always throws me off guard and I just ignore it. I find I can't smile at men without them thinking they're in with a chance so I'm really standoffish around them now. It sucks but I can't be friends with them either. It just doesn't work.
I say this as someone who isn't big headed in the slighest, I'm just normal and down to earth.

For reference I'm also gay so it's doubly annoying.

It doesn't happen to me any more because I'm 60, post menopausal and don't take no shit from no-one.

But it used to happen to me quite a lot - and it was particularly unwelcome and unpleasant when coming from my friends' husbands and I lost a couple of friends because of it. Because their stupid menfolk would be all over me with their tongues hanging out and my friends noticed. They didn't like that one tiny bit, so they cut me off.

It's shit how other women feel threatened and have cut you off @takeitandleaveit I've had a few female friends go funny with me too and turn nasty out the blue despite the fact I'm attracted to women. It's ridiculous really!!

I seem to attract married men too, usually much older married men, I have no idea what signals I am giving out other then being polite and friendly.

I am not interested in an affair with anyone but particularly not someone 20 years older than me!

My ex-SIL showed me some of the messages she received from friends husbands and some of her married colleagues in the months following her split from BIL.

Some of them are our mutual friends, including BIL’s best friend, all slimy fuckers, married ie in relationships, but still trying their luck.

I just can’t feel the same about them now.

I once went on a night out with a really hot woman from work and I was shocked. So so many men came up to her over the evening. She seemed to like it to be honest but I would find it horrific!

They probably are happy with what they have but that doesn't stop them wanting variety.
I wonder how many people you have to have sex with before the novelty factor wears off and you realise one person is enough?!

They wouldn't do it if they didn't get results. Women cheat too.

It happens to all of us.

I know know if it's all men but I've had from enough to suggest it's many of them.

I'm 47. It shows no sign of stopping yet.

It happens to me a lot. I find it hurtful from men I know, who I have preciously assumed liked me as a friend but that turned out to be a lie… just waiting for their chance to swoop. But from strangers I’ve not even deceived in to thinking they gave two craps, and sometimes I like looking back as there’s no emotional cost.

@BetterFuture1985 you really should know better than that?! Minimising men's bad behaviour as justified for results? Do they have to try with 100 to get 1? Think the odds are definitely against them...? 🧐

I'm not minimising the men's behaviour. I think they are disgusting. I caught one of them in the back of my ex-wife's car once with his trousers down.

I'm just pointing out that there are plenty of women who are just as bad, like my ex-wife.

Maybe if we talk odds though, there are more men like this than women. I would estimate around 90% of the blokes I went to school with and have worked with would behave like this. Women, maybe more like 25%.

As a man, loads of my mates would look at an attractive woman, married or not.

If they can get some action by another woman, I think many would happily go for it..

Would you @MaxTalk ? I'm not going to kick off or anything I'm genuinally just curious. I'd love a mans perspective as I'd never get any men friends being honest about this.
I've had men give me the eye when they're in a relationship to the point I've been shocked. Like eyeing me like I'm a piece of meat, really awkward and shocking!! I usually just walk off embarassed not knowing what to do with myself.

I could give you "a" male perspective but I suspect I'm in the minority. I have absolutely no interest in having casual relationships with women and I suspect as being rude to someone ruins my day, cheating would make me feel extremely guilty!

Also, having been cheated on repeatedly by my ex-wife, I could never do that to someone else.

Most of my male friends though? They'll jump into bed with no sense of shame. However, from speaking to male friends a lot of them only feel guilty after they've "shot their load." The hormonal change seems to cause a complete change in perspective!

It's about opportunity for many men. Statistically more men than women work outside the home, and are more likely to go on business trips. Therefore more men, statistically, have the opportunity to cheat and get away with it.

Women are now as a whole getting closer to parity in terms of work, so it would be interesting to see whether more women will take up that opportunity to cheat.

Anecdotally, I'd say that men will cheat because they want sex with someone else and they're not that bothered who. Women are more likely to be seeking an emotional connection. A sweeping generalisation I know, but based on many years of observation.

Monogamy is very difficult for many people and it's a shame those people aren't more honest with themselves and their potential partners before making commitments that they are fundamentally unsuited to.

Thanks for your honest perspective @BetterFuture1985 it's good to know these things and like I said there's no men I know in real life who would be honest about this.

@BetterFuture1985 respect, brother.

fist bump

Could I just point out there are more men not being slimbags than are.

So there is hope! 🤣

@Beans456 yeah and men need cheerleaders for sure eh?! Anytime women say something mean you should be there for the menz!

Bit aggressive.

As a man, I have to say I think you are wrong. I went to an all boys school and almost all of them would sleep with any woman now whether they were married or not. Most of my male colleagues over the years have been perverts too.

I disagree. My family ran the village pub when I was younger. So many married men having flings or full on affairs. My best friends dad had 2 affairs that I knew of, he didn't care that it was obvious to me. He was one of many.

I've never had so much attention in my life as when I became a single parent. So many married men (including friends husbands) made a pass. One even tried it on outside his house whilst his wife was inside. My best friend's brother in law too, even though I knew his wife. Married policemen were the absolute worst.

Thank god I'm a bit older now.

Similar to experiences up-thread, I've had it over the years from my friends husbands / partners and it's crushing and gross. I've always given them the brush off and been very explicit the first time it happens that it's a no-go. If it happens again, I tell my friend. And sure enough, when I very gently and with as much care as possible, let them know what their husbands have said / sent in messages... it's me that of course gets cut off.

It's just so grim. I have no idea why it happens, and I'm not single either and they've all known this.