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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I’m absolutely heartbroken

30 replies

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:19

First of all I would just like to explain abit about my situation I’m absolutely heartbroken my boyfriend of 6 years has left me for somebody else, I literally do not know hope to cope with this situation I’m devastated I feel physically sick and feel like I have lost everything I don’t see my life without him

OP posts:

Original poster

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:21

I have also been cut off I’m absolutely heartbroken

OP posts:

chilling19 · 11/07/2022 22:24

You are in shock. Can you call someone to be with you?

Original poster

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:27

My family have been with me today I just don’t know how I am ment to handle this situation

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Ishacoco · 11/07/2022 22:30

Sorry to hear this OP. Was it a total shock or had you noticed signs?

chilling19 · 11/07/2022 22:32

One minute at a time. At the moment your brain will be going a million miles an hour and you will find it hard to grasp what has happened. All I can say, based in my own experience, is that you will get through this. It will get better. Meanwhile employ all your coping strategies to get through each minute. You could get a pad and pen and write him a letter (not to send) about how you are feeling, how angry and hurt you are. Keep this up as you go through the process - this will give you an anchor to get it all out.

Original poster

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:32

@Ishacoco there was a few signs we have not been getting on the best lately and I asked him outright today if they was someone else he said yes and it was none of my business and slammed the phone down

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Ryah76 · 11/07/2022 22:36

You will feel sick, you will lose your appetite and you will dissect your relationship and question whether there was anything you did to cause this… all of these feelings and thought are part of the process.

You are grieving..it sucks and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Please know that YOU did not cause this - HE did, YOU are not at fault- HE is.

Talk to your friends, try to eat- do not engage with him. You will get through this and these feelings will pass.. but for now, you have to go through this awful pain.

Original poster

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:38

@chilling19 we had our ups and down but I actually thought we was forever but the way he told me and then would not speak to me the thought of him with someone else absolutely terrifies me like knowing he is going home from work to someone else

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YungDumbThrills · 11/07/2022 22:39

Hi OP, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm 10 months down the line, and I promise you will be ok xx

Original poster

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:40

@Ryah76 yeah I feel physically sick and the fact he won’t even speak to me about what’s happend I feel lost am so out my routine it’s the worst pain in the world

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Original poster

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:41

@YungDumbThrills what was your situation if you don’t mind me asking and how do you feel 10 months down the line

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lonelydad2022 · 11/07/2022 22:46

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:40

@Ryah76 yeah I feel physically sick and the fact he won’t even speak to me about what’s happend I feel lost am so out my routine it’s the worst pain in the world

Not speaking to you is on purpose. He checked out long ago. You just have to take one day at a time. My ex did the same. I suspected she was seeing someone for long but she kept denying it.

Palavah · 11/07/2022 22:47

Right now just take it one step at a time.

I was recommended a podcast called How to Get Over Your Ex by 'The Breakup Coach. I'm 5 episodes in, there's some useful stuff.

Meanwhile let yourself cry but make a list of things you need/want to do by yoirself/with friends/family and start working down it, one day at a time.

Ryah76 · 11/07/2022 22:48

@Tootiredorcare My husband did this to me, left me after a miscarriage for a woman he worked with, just before COVID hit. He refused to answer any questions, blanked me, it was like his body had been taken over by someone else- I didn’t recognise him.
I have been where you are now , I cried until no more tears would come. It’s very hard to reconcile the man you live with the person he has become.. but you will slowly disengage and I promise, it gets easier.

Justabitfedup12345 · 11/07/2022 22:49

Oh hun….. it’s literally the worst feeling ever. Take each hour at a time, try to get some sleep and make sure you have people around you - we are all also here for you!!! Sending you the biggest hugs!!

Original poster

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:52

@Ryah76 i just don’t understand how somebody can just jump out of one relationship into another and cute me off like I never even existed, have you spoken to your husband since is he still with the other women

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Original poster

Tootiredorcare · 11/07/2022 22:54

@Palavah how far into the brake up are you I feel like I have lost my bestfirend we did everything together and the thought of him doing all that with someone else makes me feel physically ill

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AhaLyn · 11/07/2022 23:34

So sorry op, one of the worst things to go through went through similar a few years ago. Here if you need to keep talking. (Up with covid)

wingliner · 11/07/2022 23:40

I would massively suggest you need to give yourself time

Time to heal
Time to process
Time to be you
Cry
Eat ice cream a whole pot if you need and want
Shout
Play music

A friend of mine met someone brought a house, got engaged and married v quickly. With a year. A year into the marriage her partner came home and said it was all over - they wanted a divorce, house sold blah blah blah and the reason for this sudden ending she doesn’t know, we don’t know - I suspect there was someone else but it was raw. She had to take time to be her, to mourn for what she has lost.

At the minute there is a lot of pressure to be independent woman, strong woman you know what just be your self - life is a journey not a race. If people think your taking too long to get over it a may be they need to get over themselves.

This is your live own it.

YungDumbThrills · 11/07/2022 23:47

@Tootiredorcare Not at all. H decided he had MH issues, went to his dad for a 'break' 4 weeks later was 'seeing someone' 6 weeks after that, moved in with her and her kids (after she kicked her H out) 16 years together, 6 married, and apparently there were big issues in the marriage, however he can't tell me what they were 🙄 I was suicidal, but DS, my family and friends, have held me up more times that I wish to think. People say it gets easier, but I would say the situation becomes more tolerable. I promise you'll come though. I still love him, still think about him, but the way he has teated us both, is the thing that makes me know he's not worth it xx

AgentJohnson · 12/07/2022 06:48

What do you mean by ups and down? It’s amazing the things people will put up with in the name of staying in a relationship. You are in shock, understandably but the person you are mourning doesn’t exist, the callous twat that’s revealed himself is the real him.

Catlover1970 · 13/07/2022 16:52

It gets easier. Trust me - him blocking you is a good thing! Will help you move on. Wishing you all the best xx

LucyLongSocks · 13/07/2022 20:22

I've been in similar situation. But recently had to console my daughter who's relationship ended with her partner. He left her for a girl who she knows. My daughter was inconsolable. Cried in her bed for days. I was scared to death she'd kill herself It is over 6 months now. She still misses him. But she is much much better in herself. You will be too. You will. It will take a long time. But time heals. Please believe me. You will get through this. You're going to be ok.
You're going to get through this and you're going to be ok. ❤

WhyBrainWhy · 13/07/2022 23:10

Mine left after 20 years for someone he works with, Felt like someone had died as he was there then he wasn't. Took me about 12 months to start to get over it. Felt like life had ended and I would never be happy again. Now I'm happily single and wouldn't have him back if he turned up. I also couldn't care less what he is up to or who he's doing it with. You will get there, One step at a time.

Original poster

Tootiredorcare · 13/07/2022 23:51

@WhyBrainWhy omg after 20 years that’s awful I could imagine the pain you went through after spending all the years together yeah that’s what am struggling with at the moment him not being around anymore am just so out my routine and feel like I have a big cloud over my head and the wondering what he is doing every second of the day now thinking oh he will be lying in bed with her it knocks me sick

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