"I am not that into you"

[JasonK]

Had a wonderful week with a woman and she finally drops this. Fair enough, I can accept that, even if it's unpleasant. But for me was really wonderful. How do you move on? What tricks are there?
Also, she still sends me messages, trying to keep me close and I don't want to shut her off because last week was the best I felt in years, but I am not an "orbiter"

Thank you!

But what about when people used to keep phoning, or come round to your house, or show up at places where they knew you spent time? Ignoring someone was and is the best option. Blocking someone is like flouncing off, announcing 'I'm not speaking to you any more!!' It's announcing that you don't have the self control to just ignore them.

I guess thats true, but it definitely is still hard to see that person on social media.

Why will you not block her?

She's a mindgaming attention hound. You do NOT need to keep hearing from her every time she wants to use you. BLOCK HER.

@Watchkeys

Yeah, if you put it that way, but I did not initiate it. She kissed me and she started undressing me.
And the second day I realized she is not well and she actually is bipolar.

At least she said that to you. And it is hard work being with someone who's bi polar.

How do you move on? What tricks are there?

The trick is - you BLOCK HER & stop pandering to her games.
She is a headfucker, a pricktease, & is only interested in her own feelings, not yours. You knew that after the long phone conversation you described.

Why are you letting this selfish woman run rings round you like this?
Take control FFS & block her. Then delete her contacts on all comms. It's not "childish" or however you described it - it's the single most mature & helpful thing you can give yourself right now.

Have you not grown up beyond 'she started it', though? That's what 5 year olds say in the playground, and adults have to coach them out of it into more mature ways of thinking.

Well, how do you call it when someone jumps on you?

Sexual assault, if I'm made to feel I have to do anything against my will. Otherwise it's my responsibility to say no, and make sure that my boundaries aren't crossed.

Do you generally not take responsibility for yourself and your actions and behaviour?

Dear JasonK

The woman is irrelevant. She is a giant distraction so you don't have to look at the seriously crap choices you make when it comes to choosing a healthy relationship. Deal with that first and you're golden.

@LaingsAcidTab

I agree, but had to pursuit for later to have zero regrets when it comes to her. I didn't want to think or have this "what if vibe".

I actually told her that I do not want to date her. I can't see myself being with her and gave her the arguments why, without any regrets. Told her all the red flags I see in her.
And that was before having sex.
And after that I understood 100% she is not for me.

Why are you that bothered now then? Is it because your pride is hurt because she said she wasn't that into you?

Grow up.

*For example, today she sent me a song earlier called Can't Get You out of my Mind.

Replied: I know. I am like that.

And ignored her.*

But you didn’t ignore her. You replied, so continuing the cycle.

Then the post telling her all the red flags, but going on to having sex with her.

Your words and your actions don’t match.

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

No, sadly, I wish.
But because we're on the page on so many things. And it's sad.

Look it's just not meant to be. Maybe there's chemistry there but not a lot else. There's not a lot either of you can do about that.

Ok, I hadn't read all of your posts, but now I have.

Someone who is avoiding not kissing you, is just 3 weeks out of a relationship, yet is happy to go to a club with you, then maybe have sex, they're not into something serious, and you shouldn't be looking for that either.

A lot of men though, like the kind of woman who plays it cool, doesn't chase them, and they see her as a challenge. Which would be great if she actually was the right woman, or in the right place for a relationship. Maybe her bipolar is at play here making her send mixed messages or maybe she just doesn't want to hurt you but likes the attention. For 2 people who are 35 you both sound very immature. I would block and ignore. If you don't block her then you'll just leave the lines of communication open and out there. You're just prolonging the agony really.

You're putting yourself in a precarious position here . What if she decides it wasn't consensual ?
Stay away from her.

The thing is, if you had really sorted your relationship issues out, she wouldn't even be on your radar. Instead, you're still trying to engage with her, or you're telling her you don't want to be with her (can you see the lack of logic in that?), or you're thinking about her.

In other words, she is taking up a hell of a lot of inner real-estate.

Focus on yourself. I'm not sure you'll really understand this or take it to heart, because the reason you're focusing on her is to avoid focusing on yourself, but there you go.

And it's not sad. It's fantastic! She is a mess, and what would be really sad is being swept down the shitter with her.

What are you on the same page with? Interests? You both like the same food? TV programmes?

That's not what successful relationships are built on. Clear communication and a deep down sense of ease is what 'being on the same page' means.

You have some superficial similarities; that's not 'being on the same page'.

I think it's chemistry, the vibe we have and yeah, a lot of similarities. We really talked non stop these two weeks. that is why I think it's sad, because I realize I couldn't be with her.

I want stability and she is the type that is happy 10 years and one day after your 10 year anniversary she decides to leave you out of the blue.

The thing is once I decide something, that is forever, I don't change and via relationship, there is no us and will never be from my point of you. I just don't want to shut her out of my life.
I don't think I ever blocked an ex. Or anyone.

Had a wonderful week with a woman and she finally drops this. Fair enough, I can accept that, even if it's unpleasant. But for me was really wonderful. How do you move on? What tricks are there? Also, she still sends me messages, trying to keep me close and I don't want to shut her off because last week was the best I felt in years

I feel for you, JasonK. These things are painful. She's messing you around --perhaps unintentionally, because she's in a confused state herself, but that doesn't make it any better for you.

I'm sorry I haven't got any techniques to suggest, to help recover from a disappointment like this. (I think you meant techniques rather than tricks, because 'tricks' sounds a bit dishonest or as if you're playing a game.) Just stay as you are: honest, and open to new relationships. But try not to give your heart quite so quickly.

You do not meet the minimum looks threshold for her to have romantic feelings..
She probably appreciates you on a level (friendzone)

It's those hawwt bad boi's that will treat her like trash on Tinder that she really wants.