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Original poster

"I am not that into you"

73 replies

JasonK · 11/07/2022 19:36

Had a wonderful week with a woman and she finally drops this. Fair enough, I can accept that, even if it's unpleasant. But for me was really wonderful. How do you move on? What tricks are there?
Also, she still sends me messages, trying to keep me close and I don't want to shut her off because last week was the best I felt in years, but I am not an "orbiter"

Thank you!

OP posts:
SettingsO · 12/07/2022 01:07

You are an orbiter though, aren’t you? If you weren’t, you’d just block her and move on.

Original poster
JasonK · 12/07/2022 07:52

Sorry, english is not my first language and blankie is something we call it more often than blanket when we describe it.
I am 35, she is also 35.

I know "the game", but I was out this year after a 7 year old relationship. I got hooked on this woman because we really had fun until the date. Really I can't remember the last time I had soo much fun. And when the date came, I really didn't understand what happened. There were so many mixed signals and they still are.
So I do not want to "fight for her", I just want some tips how to get back on track, but I don't want to block her because I don't want to seem like a kid who didn't get his wish and now he is having a fit.

I didn't fall in love or infatuated, I just experienced something I like a lot, but now I need to get back on track because yeah, she is a cock teaser. hahaha.

OP posts:
Greenberg · 12/07/2022 08:05

It's not a game unless you choose to make it one. Most people are quite straightforward, if they like you they'll make it obvious. Especially at your age, they're not going to risk a potential decent relationship by playing games.

Someone who does play games is not a good bet emotionally. They're either leading you on for the attention or they're not good relationship material.

Don't try and kiss a woman who turns her head away. Don't see a woman again who wants you to sit elsewhere in a club. Find someone who's genuinely interested in you too, even if they're not as exciting to you as this woman.

WaveyHair · 12/07/2022 08:14

Way too much hard work, especially this early on. I personally could not be bothered with that, it is your time & energy she is messing about with and it seems she is not that interested. Keep chasing this and I suspect she will just chew you up and spit you out.

She has given you a bit of attention, you enjoyed that, but she hasn't followed through. Back off, stop replying to her messages and move on.

Original poster
JasonK · 12/07/2022 08:27

She called me last night and we talked about 20 minutes or so. She told she had her therapy session and she wrote a lot of things on paper to "decompress" including a lot of things about me.

And I've been honest with her, maybe stupid, but that's what I felt: I told her that I like our interaction, but our date had a lot of weird moments she projected on me. It's ok she is not into me, that's fair enough and I appreciate the honesty, but she sends a lot of mix feelings, including this one right now. I like her, but I think she made it really serious and odd, instead of just seeing what is what.

And while I was saying that, I realized that she wasn't exactly listening. You know when you tell something, but they act like they know better?
So a big turn off and I am going to step back.

OP posts:
SecondRow · 12/07/2022 08:28

Sounds to me like she enjoyed the chat and texting during the week, but when you went to the club she realised the physical attraction wasn't there. Then she went back and forth trying to think how to let you down gently/get herself out of a situation without looking like a bitch or getting accused of being a cockteaser. Yes not great but women are socialized like this, not to say things too directly, not to hurt men's pride, to give men a chance.

CoalTit · 12/07/2022 08:42

Feel free to say "blankie" all you want, OP. Baby talk such as "comfy" and "tummy" are considered real words by the majority of hypocrites people on this site.
You shouldn't keep trying to kiss someone who doesn't want you to, though.

Original poster
JasonK · 12/07/2022 09:12

Something I forgot to mention, might explain some things.
She just got out of a relationship 3 weeks ago.

OP posts:
Annoyedwithmyself · 12/07/2022 09:17

In future don't keep trying to kiss someone who is not reciprocating it

litterbird · 12/07/2022 09:21

JasonK · 12/07/2022 09:12

Something I forgot to mention, might explain some things.
She just got out of a relationship 3 weeks ago.

You have your answer right there OP. Try and move on....shes not into you and not into having a relationship right now with anyone. Way too soon to start fretting about this. Plenty of other ladies desperately wanting to meet someone and settle down in their mid 30s....they are here on this site. Find someone less complicated for you and ready to be with you.

MaxTalk · 12/07/2022 09:46

Dump her. Plenty of others around..

Sandra1984 · 12/07/2022 11:37

JasonK · 12/07/2022 09:12

Something I forgot to mention, might explain some things.
She just got out of a relationship 3 weeks ago.

Sounds like you're trying to come up with all sorts of excuses as to why she's not jumping on your bones. She's stated: "She's not into you" (I know, hard pill to swallow but hey ho). What part of that do you not fully understand? She. Is. Not. Into. You. She just got out of a relationship and may like the attention and the ego massage that comes with it but (her won words): "she's not into you". Instead of sitting there waiting for her to throw bead crumbs at you or change her mind you need to move on to greener pastures.

Original poster
JasonK · 12/07/2022 11:59

@Sandra1984

No, I get it, I really get it. I was just saying might explain her attitude.
For example, today she sent me a song earlier called Can't Get You out of my Mind.
Replied: I know. I am like that.

And ignored her.
I am trying small steps.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 12/07/2022 12:04

but she sends a lot of mix feelings, including this one right now. I like her, but I think she made it really serious and odd, instead of just seeing what is what

I think you need to take responsibility for your own feelings, rather than putting your mixed feelings on her. She's not that into you. She couldn't have said it clearer. People flirt, go on dates with, and sleep with people they're not that into. There's nothing 'mixed' going on in her actions. She likes you enough to do what she's done with you, and doesn't want to keep doing it.

She doesn't owe you anything and she's made you no promises. You really need to grow up and understand that adults do what they want, and that you're responsible for your own wellbeing. If you feel confused by someone, it doesn't mean they're being confusing: it means that you don't get them. Stay away from people you don't get.

Sandra1984 · 12/07/2022 12:06

JasonK · 12/07/2022 11:59

@Sandra1984

No, I get it, I really get it. I was just saying might explain her attitude.
For example, today she sent me a song earlier called Can't Get You out of my Mind.
Replied: I know. I am like that.

And ignored her.
I am trying small steps.

Just reply her with a copy text of her messages, something in the lines of:

"I'm not into you"
"I can't get you out of my mind dun da dun"

Please get back to me when you sort out your head. I'm too busy for head games. Love. Johny

Original poster
JasonK · 12/07/2022 12:14

I laughed. Thank you 😅

OP posts:
idrinkandiknowthings · 12/07/2022 14:06

I wish I had the strength that some posters on here have in terms of blocking, deleting and moving on.

I've been in love with the same guy for 4 years. We had a thing. It ended 3 years ago and l literally was only able to unfriend him on FB and delete his messages and phone number last week.

ThisBloodyWeatherIsKillingMe · 12/07/2022 14:12

She's an attention-seeking prick-tease, and she's been playing stupid and pointless mind games with you.

Don't contact her, don't respond to any messages or calls - in fact, just block her on everything.

I'm mum of 2 adult sons - they've both had dopey women like that mess them about.

Catlover1970 · 12/07/2022 22:50

Watchkeys · 11/07/2022 21:08

You sound about 14.

If someone confuses you, stay away from them. That's the only 'trick' you need.

If you feel you need other 'tricks' after one week, you need to have a serious look about why you're so attached after such a short period, and avoid dating until you've got that sorted out.

my thoughts exactly . They must still be at school

Original poster
JasonK · 18/07/2022 08:28

A short update on this. We spent the weekend together after last week when she told me that. Had eventually sex, was good, however, indeed there is something very wrong with her.
Long story short, in the morning she was upset we did it, in the night she called me to do it again, but that time I refused.

OP posts:
11Hawkins · 18/07/2022 08:29

JasonK · 18/07/2022 08:28

A short update on this. We spent the weekend together after last week when she told me that. Had eventually sex, was good, however, indeed there is something very wrong with her.
Long story short, in the morning she was upset we did it, in the night she called me to do it again, but that time I refused.

I would distance yourself sounds like she could get you into trouble. If she's upset about her choice.

maddy68 · 18/07/2022 08:54

Block her. It's the only way you can move on

Watchkeys · 18/07/2022 09:07

maddy68 · 18/07/2022 08:54

Block her. It's the only way you can move on

How do you think people used to move on before they could block each other?

Watchkeys · 18/07/2022 09:10

And while I was saying that, I realized that she wasn't exactly listening. You know when you tell something, but they act like they know better?
So a big turn off and I am going to step back

So she did know better. And even though she turned you off with her behaviour, you were guided by what your penis wanted.

spongbob · 18/07/2022 09:14

How do you think people used to move on before they could block each other?

Before people had smartphones and social media, it wasn't necessary obviously. Now you need to block to move on.